Topic: So I told my parents, and... (Read 11190 times)

Frogger · « **on:** August 17, 2018, 01:11:43 AM »

I told my parents recently about my desire to have the surgery (I have saved almost 70k) and they are completely against it.
2 reasons why:
(1): "It's all in your head, it's an internal issue, you need to change your perspective", etc etc.
(2): They think the procedure is crazy and unwarranted for my disposition and that it is very high risk.

My father is a doctor and he has asked many orthopedic friends of his about this surgery and all of them are against it.
His main fear is an Osteomyelitis infection.

I would like to hear your opinions as to the risks of the surgery. Is it really not worth the risk/reward assessment? I have everything else going relatively well for me in life, it's just this dysphoria that has been a large burden for me over the past 5 years since I stopped growing.

Ps: I am 5'6.5, 21 years old, male, and am aiming for a 5.5-7 cm gain through PRECISE internal femurs hopefully with a U.S. doctor (Rozbruch or Paley), but might have to settle for an international one (Lee or Birkholtz)

paj · « **Reply #1 on:** August 17, 2018, 01:16:25 AM »

I don't think you're crazy, but at 21, I feel you need to give it more time. Spend a few more years at least thinking it over. If you are saving good money, you can continue saving without an interruption in your life. You should go to the best doctor in the US if you can afford it, rather than going internationally. If the feelings become less intense over the next few years then you will not need to consider it, and if they remain the procedure won't vanish. How tall is your father?

Frogger · « **Reply #2 on:** August 17, 2018, 01:26:13 AM »

I thought about that too, but here's my opinion on it:

I'd like to get it done right after university during my gap year as it is one of the only times in which it would be most feasible. It's a transition phase so it's not like I would just take off from my job after a few years and come back half a year later taller.

Also I feel like the sooner the better as far as improving my quality of life (or at least providing the opportunity to reach a higher potential) as the 20's are supposed to be a very significant time in terms of dating, relationships, fun, etc.

I realise that I may not yet be fully mature yet at 21, but this dysphoria doesn't seem to be going away since the past few years and I feel as if time is winding down for the most opportune moment to get it done in my youth

Frogger · « **Reply #3 on:** August 17, 2018, 01:28:05 AM »

My father is about 5'5.5, mother 5'2. My sister is 5'5, brother 5'9

paj · « **Reply #4 on:** August 17, 2018, 03:04:18 AM »

Your father, being short, may recoil from the implication that his height is somehow insufficient, as being a successful man has probably allowed him to overlook it with more ease, especially now that he's older. Your mother is your mother, and so will love you whatever way you are, so naturally she will not want you to have the surgery. Your brother, being taller than you, will not be able to relate to your state of mind. Your sister will not understand your point of view as a short man.

There are many reasons people cannot relate. Again though, if you are going to do it, you should go to the best. This is a serious surgery, the most invasive cosmetic procedure there is. There is a risk of fat embolism you should consider.

Frogger · « **Reply #5 on:** August 17, 2018, 03:43:00 AM »

Exactly how I feel, as if none of them will be able to truly grasp the degree to which it affects me. My mom likened it to a girl who is insecure because she has small breasts. Obviously not the case here as it is comparing apples to oranges lol.

I guess what I'm trying to truly grasp/understand is exactly how dangerous the procedure really is in terms of possibilities for complications, even if done under the best surgeons in the U.S. under the best procedure (PRECISE COBALT). I see a lot of success diaries and some troubling diaries but there are a whole lot of people who had the procedure and didn't write diaries so these diaries available are just a superficial scratch at the surface.

MirinHeight · « **Reply #6 on:** August 17, 2018, 03:43:55 AM »

Quote from: Frogger on August 17, 2018, 03:43:00 AM

Exactly how I feel, as if none of them will be able to truly grasp the degree to which it affects me. My mom likened it to a girl who is insecure because she has small breasts. Obviously not the case here as it is comparing apples to oranges lol.

I guess what I'm trying to truly grasp/understand is exactly how dangerous the procedure really is in terms of complications, even if done under the best surgeons in the U.S. under the best procedure (PRECISE COBALT). I see a lot of success diaries and some troubling diaries but there are a whole lot of people who had the procedure and didn't write diaries so these diaries available are just a superficial scratch at the surface.

read my topic about the risks and how to limit them: http://www.limblengtheningforum.com/index.php?topic=8960.0

if you do enough research on the procedure and understand every risk, you can find ways to limit risks as much as possible.

Bosnian2018 · « **Reply #7 on:** August 17, 2018, 04:54:44 AM »

The procedure is safe. Although there are risks.

Recovery is key. Atheltic recovery that is.

You will be fine in the end and taller. Just remember it comes at great cost. Financially. Time wise. Emotionally. Physically.

In the end you will win. Its only you who is suffering so do not worry about what others think.

At the same time I would be weary to tell my family.

I could see them taunting me for the rest of my life. Even if I was taller and achieved my goal at the end.

Check if your plated fused in the legs. Get fit. Then decide

CaptainAmerica · « **Reply #8 on:** August 17, 2018, 05:32:34 AM »

WTF? How have you saved up 70k at 21? I'm 20 and just barely breaching the $40k mark and I've been saving since I was about 17. Obviously you invest or got a trade, union job rather than going to uni?

CaptainAmerica · « **Reply #9 on:** August 17, 2018, 05:34:07 AM »

Btw, your parents will never understand. EVER. Especially (well for me at least) not your mother. I don't plan on telling them unfortunately. With Stryde I'm hoping I can get my downtime to ~2 months and tell them I was on vacation in Florida staying with a friend (I do have a friend I visit in Florida). Honestly I just can't imagine any parent being supportive until you get it, and show them how happy you are and how different your life is. This is your life you have to live, they won't experience it. They should be proud at the amount of money you've saved and your tenacity, at the very least.

KrP1 · « **Reply #10 on:** August 17, 2018, 06:40:22 AM »

How Many time have you been thinking about to have the surgery done ? How Many time have you been with height disphoria? Id you hace been with that at least 3 years i would say you do the surgery. You have to Accept that you are going to lose some Athletic hability , but its a trade off. Hope i could did it at your age. I dont think that osteomielitis is something common with an internal nail.

Frogger · « **Reply #11 on:** August 17, 2018, 07:16:17 AM »

I don't really spend my money, it's a habit I've had since a kid. So all those savings plus a small online business/gig that I have been running for the past 3 years.

Frogger · « **Reply #12 on:** August 17, 2018, 07:18:46 AM »

I've been thinking of the surgery for the past 3-4 years now. Sometimes I am convinced that I really should get it while other times I tell myself perhaps it's not the only option. It comes and goes in phases but I have noticed that over time my height dysphoria has only gotten worse and I am afraid it will continue in that direction as I progress through my twenties. I think about height every day.

taller_in_Kiev · « **Reply #13 on:** August 17, 2018, 07:42:19 AM »

Hi there Frogger
At 5'6.5 I'd say you're qualified for this surgery. You are lucky to be in a position to afford it at such a young age. I was not 29 until I did mine. You are right, your 20's is an important time in your life and if my experience is anything to go by, I am sorry to tell you the dysphoria won't go away.

Android · « **Reply #14 on:** August 17, 2018, 07:59:03 AM »

Funny example the your mom chose. You can tell your mom that breast augmentation is the most popular cosmetic surgery, hands down. The patient satisfaction rate is extremely high as well.

The only reason cosmetic limb lengthening isn't as popular is because of its price, pain, and long recovery time. If you're willing to pay for Precice, you can minimize the last two, so you have that going for yourself.

Maybe you can tell them that you just want to reach the average height. An overweight person comes out to their parents that they're finally going to work hard and lose the weight, and they support you. However, you tell your parents that you want to become as tall as the average man, and they think you're crazy, because they believe height is set in stone. But it's not anymore, and it's hard them to understand that.

Perhaps you can show them this video:

Frogger · « **Reply #15 on:** August 17, 2018, 08:10:54 AM »

@taller_in_kiev: that's what I'm afraid of. My opinion is that going to a psychologist would simply teach me how to deal with the internal factor, yet there still will always be that external factor re-affirming the internal factor in an endless loop. Yes I can mitigate the degree to which it affects me internally, but it will still always be there.

@android: hey! I've actually been following your progress with LL! And I saw that video, if only my parents were as supportive as his parents lol! But yes I told them that I don't have any grandeur dreams of towering tall, I just want to be average. Where I'm from, my height puts me below the 15th percentile. 85% of men are taller than me. If I could even just get to the 50th percentile it would be such a relief . Their main concern stems from the issue of safety. They still believe, even with precise, that the procedure is very dangerous (it is a very invasive procedure) and are gravely afraid of any possible complications that may arise from it. They just don't think that my height should be that big of an issue to risk myself to this surgery. Easier said than done, however.
But I've been having some questions of doubt too about the surgery despite me committing to myself that I will get it done within the next 1-2 years. I too am very afraid of any possible complications that may arise, despite going through with PRECISE COBALT and a U.S. surgeon. My life is not bad at all right now and if I were (knock on wood) to become paralyzed or debilitated for the rest of my life I really would not know how to get over my decision.

taller_in_Kiev · « **Reply #16 on:** August 17, 2018, 08:30:46 AM »

Frogger, it appears you're a little neg/fearful about this. Don't go into it with such a frame of mind. Research more if you want.
I went into my LL with a totally clear head and positive state of mind. I knew it was what I wanted before anything else and I was only thinking of coming out taller and fully recovered at the end. I was already thinking of running in the woods/ on a beach with my gf before I had even stopped lengthening)

Frogger · « **Reply #17 on:** August 17, 2018, 08:36:11 AM »

@taller_in_kiev: Thanks for the advice my friend. I definitely am a bit nervous about it as I am fully committed to doing so (I think that's completely logical imo) but can't wait for the day when my height will no longer become an issue of thought anymore

Btw, in your profile pic, is that a before and after LL going left to right?

taller_in_Kiev · « **Reply #18 on:** August 17, 2018, 08:58:26 AM »

Yes )

edwardv6 · « **Reply #19 on:** August 17, 2018, 09:19:48 AM »

Since when did you need to be a certain height to have fun, date and be in a relationship? If you can't enjoy a concert at your height how does being 2 inches taller make the concert experience better? If you travel the world, how does 2 inches make trying out new foods, hearing different languages, music, etc. better? Just some questions you might want to think about because I'm not buying the whole "it makes quality of life better", it doesn't magically open a gate to all these things, you can do all these things now.

But try not to overthink it and think about the facts, if your parents don't support it, leave it at that, don't think about their reasons, it's not important, you're only going to end up with assumptions like everyone who has posted on this thread trying to detail why your parents cannot relate.

artemisia · « **Reply #20 on:** August 17, 2018, 11:01:12 AM »

PRECICE is a good choice of method by means of minimizing most of the risks, such as infection (in methods involving an external device, the pins enter the skin, piercing the tissues and the bone, and there is an open wound which welcomes infection

but PRECICE nail is internal and the wound is stitched so the risk of infection is minimal). And the duration of recovery is also much shorter

In my opinion, what you need is to think more about what becoming taller will add to your life, in which ways it will make you a happier and fuller person, rather than pondering over the barriers in front of you (even if it is your beloved family members). After you are sure that you are not lying to yourself and the ONLY solution to your dysphoria is LL surgery, after you know that this is what you want, go for it. No matter how much your parents love you, no one lives another person's life instead of him/her and if at some point of your life you are going to have LL surgery, I would recommend to do it as early as possible. Because at this age, your body and bones will cope with this procedure much more easily, rather than at an older age. Moreover, living with this feeling of dissatisfaction for some more years would take its toll on your future perspectives and psychology in general.

taller_in_Kiev · « **Reply #21 on:** August 17, 2018, 12:18:58 PM »

@edward V6: since the beginning of time! It's not about 2 or 3 inches, but how it makes you feel about yourself, your self confidence etc. Perspective is everything. There's a newbie on here by the name of theW, he's 5ft but successful in life, a role model in my opinion, and he says he'd be so happy at 5'4. Height is not everything but it's one of those hidden untalked about things most of decide or make assumptions about subconsciously if that makes sense..

myloginacc · « **Reply #22 on:** August 17, 2018, 01:20:56 PM »

I'd say check (and answer) Unicorn's questionnaire for prospective LLers. It seems you've been around here, so surely you know about her (sadly, tragic) story.

Quote from: Unicorn888 on August 06, 2018, 11:01:14 AM

THINGS TO CONSIDER

1. Gender

2. Age

3. Starting height and desired height

4. Race (some races like South Asians fuse faster while East Asians fuse slower than average)

5. Smoking or non-smoking

6. Budget + financial support/reserves (what happens if complications handicap you for 2+ years and you cannot go back to work or support yourself financially? Most doctors will charge for each additional correction/surgery regardless of whose 'fault' it is)

7. Is cosmetic surgery insurance specifically leg lengthening ones available to you? The policy can be as cheap as €300 premium in Germany, for example. It saved a few patients I know in Europe from bankruptcy and losing everything they have.

8. Emotional Support (Will your family or partner support you? Will you tell your friends? How will they react?)

9. What segment would you like to lengthen or both?
Femur (more length/faster healing/more pain) or Tibia (less length/slow healing/less pain)

10. Have you researched all the different methods and understand the pros and cons of :
- Femur or Tibia
- Internal nails or External cages
- Manual clicking (ISKD/Ilizarov types) or Remote control (Precice type)
- Non-reversible (ISKD type) or Reversible (Precice, Ilizarov types)
- Weight bearing (ISKD/Stryde etc) or Non-weight bearing (wheelchair bound for months)

10. How much FREE time do you have to 'disappear from the world' while you're lengthening and rehabilitating (do you need to return to your job, demands of your family, schooling etc. and what happens if you cannot recover for 2+ years?)

11. How flexible are you? (see next post to check how stretchable are your quads, hamstrings, IT band etc for femur lengthening/recovery)

12. Are you disciplined enough (you know yourself best to take all the medication and do all the physiotherapy prescribed especially if you choose not to stay with the doctor throughout your entire lengthening journey which takes approximately 3 months)

13. Are you willing to TRADE your current good health for potential debilitation, loss of loved ones, loss of livelihood/job, loss of self esteem/sanity, estrangement from friends and family (if things go very wrong?), being judged nonstop or ridiculed

14. Does being taller change your life so much? Are you currently suffering from short stature neurosis?

15. State of mental health (how strong are you/can you overcome/forgive yourself when facing worst case scenarios, physical pain, betrayals, all types of losses, regret etc.) Can you pick up the pieces of your shattered life and land back on your feet?

16. Most importantly, why are you doing this? You should be brutally honest with yourself about the reason(s).

I think these are questions you need to answer honestly (to yourself) to determine if you're ready for CLL and all its agony and adherent risks.

edwardv6 · « **Reply #23 on:** August 17, 2018, 08:43:25 PM »

Quote from: taller_in_Kiev on August 17, 2018, 12:18:58 PM

@edward V6: since the beginning of time! It's not about 2 or 3 inches, but how it makes you feel about yourself, your self confidence etc. Perspective is everything. There's a newbie on here by the name of theW, he's 5ft but successful in life, a role model in my opinion, and he says he'd be so happy at 5'4. Height is not everything but it's one of those hidden untalked about things most of decide or make assumptions about subconsciously if that makes sense..

Of course I'm not saying height can't be an issue in one's life, but if you think you can't have fun because of it then that person is making a choice to not have fun because he/she thinks something that is not. Nobody is stopping anyone based on height from attending concerts, events, movies, festivals, etc.

If TS gets LL and wakes up happy and not thinking about height ever again, great for him, but when people go around saying they want to have fun/enjoy their prime years and think they need something like LL to make that happen is blasphemous. Height isn't stopping anyone from having fun, that person is stopping themselves, there's no argument there.

Johnson1111 · « **Reply #24 on:** August 17, 2018, 11:21:33 PM »

How the fk did you save 70k at 21? Can I sell drugs with you?

Frogger · « **Reply #25 on:** August 18, 2018, 01:53:36 AM »

What exactly happened to unicorn in summary? I've read parts of her diary but it is very dense. From what I understand, she is unfortunately still unable to walk since 2 summers ago with the Guichet Nail

Thatdude950 · « **Reply #26 on:** August 18, 2018, 07:05:36 AM »

If you haven't read all the biggest diaries here with a critical mindset you have not done your due diligence and are in no position to spend 70k to get your legs chopped up. Your parents are right

Frogger · « **Reply #27 on:** August 18, 2018, 08:01:11 AM »

I've been a lurker here since 2015 and have read a fair amount of diaries and have been following :(purushrottam, andrewshizzles, overrideyourgenetics, android, etc.)

But yes, I should read more.

Can you give me a list of recommendations?

taller_in_Kiev · « **Reply #28 on:** August 18, 2018, 08:04:34 AM »

Hi Frogger, I PM'd you

myloginacc · « **Reply #29 on:** August 18, 2018, 12:13:44 PM »

Quote from: Frogger on August 18, 2018, 08:01:11 AM

I've been a lurker here since 2015 and have read a fair amount of diaries and have been following :(purushrottam, andrewshizzles, overrideyourgenetics, android, etc.)

But yes, I should read more.

Can you give me a list of recommendations?

DoingItForMe's, Unicorn's, Stripe's, Bigfaker's. I think those cover all methods and good and bad outcomes, while being detailed. There are plenty of other good ones that I am forgetting, but these were the first to come to mind.

taller_in_Kiev · « **Reply #30 on:** August 18, 2018, 12:39:00 PM »

It isn't necessary for you to read anyone's diary lol. I certainly hadn't and there wasn't even a forum around back then - good thing too, I'd have hated to waste my time!

Everyone is different. If you want to do LL, don't overthink/bust your brains reading all this sh!t. Different people have different results, but for the most part, those who went into it well prepared and with a reputable doctor did fine. So just do that and you'll be ok too.

Limb Lengthening Forum

Author Topic: So I told my parents, and... (Read 11190 times)