I find it a very interesting psychological dilemma, and have tried to structure my thoughts below:
The advantages and disadvantages of trying to hide it:
The problem with hiding it is that it will most likely cause a lot of psychological pressure:
Let’s say you get LL and then hope to become more successful with women. Your initial attraction level will go up, I think we can all agree that height is by far not everything in dating, but that it is strong in the sense of filtering. As in, if you’re below a certain height, a lot of women will simply filter you out automatically as a dating option. So by getting taller the probability of finding a partner goes up in the sense that your dating pool becomes larger.
However, keeping it a secret also means that you will psychologically distance yourself from letting a girl get too close to you, because as someone gets closer to you, it will most likely just be a matter of time before they find out, and also, you would feel a sense of imposter syndrome from withholding it, and thereby have negative emotions in the relationship even if she didn’t find out.
This means that the ordinary psychological pressure points from letting a girl get close to you, like is she attracted to you physically? Is she attracted to you mentally? Are you compatible etc. now have an added weight which is how will she react if and when she finds out about LL.
The advantages and disadvantages of being open:
The problem with telling the truth from the get go is that, as NailedLegs said, you will get a social stigma that will follow you basically forever, as in if you thought people judged you on your height before, wait until after everyone knows you did LL.
Granted, if you are open about it, the stigma potential will be less than if you are discovered when trying to hide it, as people here may simply just be curious and ask a lot of questions, and then the interest and gossip about it dies down. Leaving you free after taking the battle head on.
You could find a girl that is okay with it, and won’t lose attraction to you if you’re honest from the beginning. But the amount of girls not losing attraction to you when they find out may diminish your initial dating pool beyond what it originally was.
The psychological pressure would also be a lot less albeit the identity from being the guy everyone talks having bad that crazy height surgery may cause psychological wear in time.
The advantages and disadvantages of the middle way:
A third option would be one of balance. That is, you tell the people closest to you, and accept the risk of it spilling out.
You tell them head on, no bull , that look I am telling you, you and you, along with my relatives that I am doing this. I am doing it because [insert reasons] and I know it carries a lot of judgement from others, so I want to be honest with you, but ask if you could keep it to yourselves. If everyone finds out I will have to deal with that but I would prefer avoiding that.
This way the psychological pressure of telling your closest friends and relatives would be diminished, but you bear the risk of the entire social circle and beyond finding out if someone talks too much which granted is a real risk. One person tells another who tells two more who tells four more etc.
Also they may be different around you acting like you have fragile legs, probably from a point of care and compassion, but this is still an element.
This option is perhaps dependent on how reliable the people closest to you are at keeping your things to themselves.
The advantage here being that you reduce a substantial amount of psychological stress but at a gamble that it won’t slip out and everyone finding out and identifying you as the guy did that thing.
You would still face substantial psychological pressure either conscious or subconscious as to whether people know or not. You will be very perceptive of people talking or behaving differently around you and be suspicious. Meaning you still risk suffering the sort of paranoia from the hiding option. Also, you would also face the problem of opening up when letting a girl in close to you, and risk her losing attraction and telling people which then means a lot of people find out.
Summary:
I think each option will strengthen certain personality types.
I would say the middle way is more of a way of winning some time, as in you can be open to some people and protect yourself from the immediate stigma of everyone at once, but you should accept that once one person knows the probability of everyone finding out approaches 100%. And therefore prepare yourself to simply be open and explain about it.
The hiding option could yield the best results, as in, you are finally free of height and all of that. But at a great risk of paranoia and avoiding people. This could end up yielding bad results long term. Maybe this option is more suited if you live far away from everyone, and they havent seen you in a long time. Ultimately though, you still have the risk of imposter syndrome sabotaging you in a relationship and the paranoia of it slipping out hanging over you. Maybe certain personality types are more immune to this and wont be affected as badly.
The being open about it certainly would mean a lot of talk and stigma, but the potential reward here being that eventually the talk dies down, and everyone gets on with their lives. It would come up again when meeting new people, and the question is whether a girl would still be attracted. Ultimately if you do find a girl and your friends and everyone knows, you could be perhaps the best suited to simply putting height and LL behind you and enjoy life. But it requires a personality that truely does not feel shame about LL and is willing to take on the battles and the risk of height talk remaining forever.
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Topic: Should i be open? (Read 1909 times)