Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[reaching_goals]

Sorry to hear about your family gossiping about this. I told my family about it. They have not told anyone but just to clarify before i told them i swore them to secrecy and the atmosphere i created was a very serious one. I know i couldn't have gotten through this surgery without their support tbh. Could i have done it without telling ppl or their help? Of course but would my results have been as good or would i have lasted as long most definitely not. I almost had a few mental breakdowns. Perspective patients wont know how tough this procedure is until they do it. Everyday was a battle.

[so]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I believe in time things will relax and people will focus on their own lives which is what they should be doing. I'm glad I read your story bc it's important for family support systems to know the pitfalls and try to avoid it. I will talk to my sister and see what extra precautions we can take to protect my nephew's privacy. I think it's tricky because everyone is interrelated and people have big mouths with no respect or conscience on the right way to act. You having the courage to follow your dream and make it real is admirable... and now, learning to be forbearing of other's weaknesses and faults without taking it personally will only build your own good character MORE. Keep aiming high... good luck.

[BelowTheMean]

It does not matter who you tell. Your parents, your wife, your best friend etc.

That person will tell one other close person in their life in confidence. This person will then tell two others, who will each tell it to three others, who will each tell it to four others etc.

Before long, everyone in the social hemisphere in contact with the first person will know.

Someone doing LL is like the atomic bomb of gossip. No one will be able to keep that to themselves.

If you tell even 1 person expect everyone to find out sooner rather than later.

This is why I told exactly zero people.. and gaslit the hell out of anyway who was suspicious. If I don't tell anyone, who are they going to confirm it with? No one dares to bring it up around me unless they want to feel stupid. If there's one person I'm going to stand up for, it's myself.

Plus when Stryde was out I didn't need to rely on anyone for help, so I didn't tell my family either.

My mental health had hit rock bottom. so I went to a therapist to discuss these problems. very uncomfortable conversation. she said honesty is very important in relationships and I would be cheating if I hid this. As for toxic people we agreed I should just cut them off. With family members she said I should tell them how I feel and stuff.



I feel artificial and like a fraud. Now my proportions bother me a lot more. 8cm feels like a bad decision. I have 0.74 femur:tibia ratio. Now I have also started to think my recovery isn't great (probably a mental negative feedback loop).


feels like a bad dream tbh. I hope others here can avoid this situation. especially the younger lot. Technology is getting better. I heard they will get newer nails soon. Have patience. Don't rush and tell people your "emotions" and your surgery plans. Practice stoicism. Never ever tell anyone your height problems. Just bottle them in (maybe go to a therapist if you want). Move away from family the first chance you get and work towards your dreams. If you never mention it and do moderate amounts I think you will get to keep the cake and eat it too.

Yeah, screw that therapist. Of course a woman would say that. Not like she'll ever know what it's like to be a short man. Not telling your partner about it is not cheating lmao, people lie about all sorts of stupid stuff. I have absolutely zero qualms with not telling a partner that I did CLL. In fact, they'll be better off not knowing and not having to worry about why their partner did something like that in the first place. I don't even feel 0.0001% bad about keeping it a secret so I will happily continue not telling anyone about the surgery and living a normal life.

P.S. I really hope a weight bearing nail is available in the US soon. It would be great for you guys and might breathe some life back into this forum!

[Chadwick]

Sadly, there is no privacy, and you can't expect people not to notice that you are suddenly taller.
If you are going to do a LL surgery, you should not be ashamed about it. You have to admit it.
How can you get married and not tell your wife? You cannot start a relationship with deception.

[BelowTheMean]

Sadly, there is no privacy, and you can't expect people not to notice that you are suddenly taller.
If you are going to do a LL surgery, you should not be ashamed about it. You have to admit it.
How can you get married and not tell your wife? You cannot start a relationship with deception.

Nah brah. You clearly have no experience with this surgery.

To OP and anyone else who is reading, please don't listen to this clueless guy.

First, there is plenty of privacy around CLL. You have protection under the law (HIPAA) for your medical records to be kept private and don't need to disclose anything to anyone about the surgery. Also, most people aren't very sensitive to height and can't tell for sure that you got taller. Almost everyone you know cares and notices way less about you than you think they do. At most they might notice that you "look different" or "look better" or "got skinnier" but the thought of possibly becoming taller won't even cross their mind. Personally, I only had a few cases where people were even remotely suspicious about my height change and it was very easy for me to shut it down before it became an issue. I'm extremely confident that absolutely no one IRL knows that I did CLL.

Second, if you are going to do a LL surgery, you shouldn't be ashamed of keeping it a secret. You don't have to admit anything to anyone that you don't want to. Don't let others tell you how you should feel about the surgery or who you should tell. If you want to keep it a secret you 100% have the right to and most people who have actually done the surgery would absolutely support that decision. While there are certainly people who tell their families everything, plenty of others have barriers for some things that they don't want to cross. Don't let others decide what you're comfortable with disclosing. Personally, I have a great relationship with my immediate family and yet I don't feel any need to tell them that I did CLL.

Finally, get married when you want and tell your future wife whatever you feel like telling her. Personally, I've dated several girls and slept with dozens more since I got CLL and I didn't tell a single one and I will never tell anyone that I did CLL. What's considered "deception" in your view or "cheating" in the view of OP's shrink, are just people with a limited worldview trying to hold others to their own set of morals. If she's getting a guy with a height (and everything else) that's she's clearly okay with, then why does it matter how he got there? Women do plenty of things to make themselves more attractive to guys, and what's considered attractive doesn't even stay the same over time.

Heck, millions of guys wear shoe lifts to dates and exaggerate their height to try and pass the threshold; at least the CLL guy is actually taller. There's nothing tricky about it. It's hard enough to find someone you're mutually attracted to in this day and age and most marriages will end in divorce anyway. If you find a woman that you actually want to marry then don't let some random judgmental person tell you what you should or shouldn't disclose to her.

[Tehn84]

My mental health had hit rock bottom. so I went to a therapist to discuss these problems. very uncomfortable conversation. she said honesty is very important in relationships and I would be cheating if I hid this. As for toxic people we agreed I should just cut them off. With family members she said I should tell them how I feel and stuff.



I feel artificial and like a fraud. Now my proportions bother me a lot more. 8cm feels like a bad decision. I have 0.74 femur:tibia ratio. Now I have also started to think my recovery isn't great (probably a mental negative feedback loop).


feels like a bad dream tbh. I hope others here can avoid this situation. especially the younger lot. Technology is getting better. I heard they will get newer nails soon. Have patience. Don't rush and tell people your "emotions" and your surgery plans. Practice stoicism. Never ever tell anyone your height problems. Just bottle them in (maybe go to a therapist if you want). Move away from family the first chance you get and work towards your dreams. If you never mention it and do moderate amounts I think you will get to keep the cake and eat it too.

1) Never get therapy, it's a scam.
2) If you nevertheless insist on getting therapy, never have it done by a woman, since women go through life on easy mode and have never experienced any real challenges or adversity, especially white western women. To a woman, a 'crisis' is only getting 500 likes on her instagram page while her friend got 800. They simply can't relate to real problems.

[truthdial]

If you nevertheless insist on getting therapy, never have it done by a woman, since women go through life on easy mode and have never experienced any real challenges or adversity, especially white western women. To a woman, a 'crisis' is only getting 500 likes on her instagram page while her friend got 800. They simply can't relate to real problems.

      

as a man you are suffering from body image issues lmao and you say women don't experience real challenges or adversity

[truthdial]

Nah brah. You clearly have no experience with this surgery.

To OP and anyone else who is reading, please don't listen to this clueless guy.

First, there is plenty of privacy around CLL. You have protection under the law (HIPAA) for your medical records to be kept private and don't need to disclose anything to anyone about the surgery. Also, most people aren't very sensitive to height and can't tell for sure that you got taller. Almost everyone you know cares and notices way less about you than you think they do. At most they might notice that you "look different" or "look better" or "got skinnier" but the thought of possibly becoming taller won't even cross their mind. Personally, I only had a few cases where people were even remotely suspicious about my height change and it was very easy for me to shut it down before it became an issue. I'm extremely confident that absolutely no one IRL knows that I did CLL.

Second, if you are going to do a LL surgery, you shouldn't be ashamed of keeping it a secret. You don't have to admit anything to anyone that you don't want to. Don't let others tell you how you should feel about the surgery or who you should tell. If you want to keep it a secret you 100% have the right to and most people who have actually done the surgery would absolutely support that decision. While there are certainly people who tell their families everything, plenty of others have barriers for some things that they don't want to cross. Don't let others decide what you're comfortable with disclosing. Personally, I have a great relationship with my immediate family and yet I don't feel any need to tell them that I did CLL.

Finally, get married when you want and tell your future wife whatever you feel like telling her. Personally, I've dated several girls and slept with dozens more since I got CLL and I didn't tell a single one and I will never tell anyone that I did CLL. What's considered "deception" in your view or "cheating" in the view of OP's shrink, are just people with a limited worldview trying to hold others to their own set of morals. If she's getting a guy with a height (and everything else) that's she's clearly okay with, then why does it matter how he got there? Women do plenty of things to make themselves more attractive to guys, and what's considered attractive doesn't even stay the same over time.

Heck, millions of guys wear shoe lifts to dates and exaggerate their height to try and pass the threshold; at least the CLL guy is actually taller. There's nothing tricky about it. It's hard enough to find someone you're mutually attracted to in this day and age and most marriages will end in divorce anyway. If you find a woman that you actually want to marry then don't let some random judgmental person tell you what you should or shouldn't disclose to her.

So let's make this clear brah: if you fall in love with a girl and get married and later on discover she had LL to go from 5'0 to 5'3, you would just shrug it off and carry on?

[BelowTheMean]

So let's make this clear brah: if you fall in love with a girl and get married and later on discover she had LL to go from 5'0 to 5'3, you would just shrug it off and carry on?

That won't happen because I know what to look for in LL. Besides there's nothing wrong with a 5'0" girl if she's hot.

[NailedLegs]

So let's make this clear brah: if you fall in love with a girl and get married and later on discover she had LL to go from 5'0 to 5'3, you would just shrug it off and carry on?

I don't think any man cares about a woman's height. Only when the woman is taller than them, is when some men care. 5'0" or 5'3", what's the difference if you're taller than her?

I could care less, except for the financial aspect. LL is quite expensive, and it would honestly be nonsense for a woman to get LL because it doesn't effect their life like how height effects men. If a woman is going to get an incredibly invasive cosmetic procedure...and she is completely set on that...getting a breast augmentation or BBL(assuming the Dr. didn't go over-the-top) would have a far greater return on attractiveness and quality of life than height.

[Legs890]

So let's make this clear brah: if you fall in love with a girl and get married and later on discover she had LL to go from 5'0 to 5'3, you would just shrug it off and carry on?

Yes, absolutely.