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[HateLAPELoveSTEM]

  Hey I am wondering if anyone here has ever succeeded in making up with exes, especially first love cuz I am now bombarded with negative emotions induced from letting her go. What's worse, after she broke up with me, I had harassed her for many times by e-mail and letter so I dunno how she is thinking of me rn, but it had aggravated the situations and I am more likely to make up with her.
  It was her that broke up with me, so if there is any romance expert on here, plz gimme some suggestions or maybe I can do nothing but to forget her.

[ilovescience]

  Hey I am wondering if anyone here has ever succeeded in making up with exes, especially first love cuz I am now bombarded with negative emotions induced from letting her go. What's worse, after she broke up with me, I had harassed her for many times by e-mail and letter so I dunno how she is thinking of me rn, but it had aggravated the situations and I am more likely to make up with her.
  It was her that broke up with me, so if there is any romance expert on here, plz gimme some suggestions or maybe I can do nothing but to forget her.

Does her parents know this? If she complained to her parents it might be hard to 挽回這段愛情. Sorry gotta use Chinese, don't know the phrase for that in English.

[HateLAPELoveSTEM]

Does her parents know this? If she complained to her parents it might be hard to 挽回這段愛情. Sorry gotta use Chinese, don't know the phrase for that in English.

Yeah her parents know this and in English '挽回爱情' is just 'make up'.

[Medium Drink Of Water]

I don't have any advice since I've never successfully done it, but I am in the same position (although I never did any harassment) so I'm curious about advice as well, especially from two Chinese people here.

I went a bit shen jing bing (crazy) at Guang Ji hospital due to constant LL discomfort and restlessnes, and was acting like an obnoxious jackass for entertainment purposes.  She was losing face by being associated with me so she distanced herself and found someone new, then we had a big fight when I took issue with how she'd gone about doing that, then a couple of months after I left Beijing we sort of made up over e-mail and talked for a while, then she went to a European university and didn't keep in touch.

She's the Tiger girl I mentioned in the new year thread, by the way.  Already about to be 36.  So much time lost.

[ilovescience]

I don't have any advice since I've never successfully done it, but I am in the same position (although I never did any harassment) so I'm curious about advice as well, especially from two Chinese people here.

I went a bit shen jing bing (crazy) at Guang Ji hospital due to constant LL discomfort and restlessnes, and was acting like an obnoxious jackass for entertainment purposes.  She was losing face by being associated with me so she distanced herself and found someone new, then we had a big fight when I took issue with how she'd gone about doing that, then a couple of months after I left Beijing we sort of made up over e-mail and talked for a while, then she went to a European university and didn't keep in touch.

She's the Tiger girl I mentioned in the new year thread, by the way.  Already about to be 36.  So much time lost.

In Chinese societies, if daughter complained to her father about her boyfriend and her father doesn't like the boyfriend, it would be hard to rescue the love they have had, leading to break up forever or divorce more likely. It's not always the case as some parents won't decide for them.

[Medium Drink Of Water]

That's good news.  Her parents didn't even know she was getting LL so I doubt she told them about me.  And even if she did, they have no idea what I look like and my name is different now.

[ilovescience]

That's good news.  Her parents didn't even know she was getting LL so I doubt she told them about me.  And even if she did, they have no idea what I look like and my name is different now.

She is a Chinese? Not American?

[Upgrade]

I know it hurts, but you will get over it.  You will find another lift to live.   

What is stopping you from getting another girl?  If you can get one, then you probably can get another one.

[drxboom]

Not with my first lover, but I had made up, when we were lovers again, it was never the same as the first time, we both got cold from each other and broke up without a fight.

[ilovescience]

Not with my first lover, but I had made up, when we were lovers again, it was never the same as the first time, we both got cold from each other and broke up without a fight.

There is a Chinese old saying, first love is the most wonderful. Not sure if I agree with it. Do you think it makes sense?

[Medium Drink Of Water]

She is a Chinese? Not American?

Yes, a domestic Chinese LL patient from 2007.

[drxboom]

Yes, a domestic Chinese LL patient from 2007.

First love, of course, has a special place, but time has passed, it doesn't matter to me. but yes it is true

[173to187USTORUSSIA]

My suggestion is to stay in shape, make your life better and move on.  I tried to get my ex back and posted on the forums. It didn't work. Better to just start fresh with a new girl. She will always remember rejecting/betraying you. Once they do it once it is more likely to happen again. Just like cheaters.

[Sambollio]

My first love was the best I ever had. She was a 10/10 absurdly gorgeous. She had the exact same sense of humor as me and I could make her cry laughing whenever I wanted. Physically she was exactly my time and so was her personality.

Then I fked up the relationship, fell into a deep depression and broke things off. I came out of the depression and realized my mistake. For two years I tried to get her back and obsessed over her. It would feel like we were getting close again, and it’s fall apart again. I eventually gave up and 6 months past.

I was going away to college and on a whim asked her to go to coffee with me over text. She said yes and I was sooooo excited. The day arrived and she was just as beautiful as I remembered. We started talking and after a couple of minutes I started getting a sinking feeling. She had entirely changed her personality. She had become a massive narcissist, she was just talking   about everyone, even friends and family. She talked about how she thought it was strange she didn’t get hit on even though she’s super hot and other self obsessed topics. The only jokes she knew were tiktok memes. I eventually said I had to leave because I had to pee. We were 10 feet from a bathroom. We hugged I left and immediately blocked her. The end.

There’s a lot of lessons I learned from this that I’m too lazy to summarize.

[HateLAPELoveSTEM]

I know it hurts, but you will get over it.  You will find another lift to live.   

What is stopping you from getting another girl?  If you can get one, then you probably can get another one.

Hey thx for your simple but meaningful suggestion! But I just cannot find any girls better than her and I know maybe I will never encounter with better girls.

[HateLAPELoveSTEM]

Not with my first lover, but I had made up, when we were lovers again, it was never the same as the first time, we both got cold from each other and broke up without a fight.

I think if you ever did something that hurt her feelings or you ever did hurt each other's feelings then it tends to be more likely to break up for one more time after making up with each other. So that's why I am concerned about making up with her a lot.

[Jayjames]

You sound like you don't love this girl at all instead want to possess and control her. Her concerns and desires are being ignored and you call them "blah blah." Just move on and respect her wishes bro. Yes I've "made up" with exes before but it's been after moving on and changing then reconnecting not by never letting go and harassing them.

Getting her back won't even make you happy bc then all you're likely to do is be on edge about "losing her" again. Break off the pattern of obsession and try to be happy without her. Eventually, you will be but you have to let go in order to reach that.

[HateLAPELoveSTEM]

My suggestion is to stay in shape, make your life better and move on.  I tried to get my ex back and posted on the forums. It didn't work. Better to just start fresh with a new girl. She will always remember rejecting/betraying you. Once they do it once it is more likely to happen again. Just like cheaters.

I saw you posts and I felt sorry to hear your tragedy.. and afterwards your career was fked up by administrative leave.. I can feel your tough feelings mate.

[HateLAPELoveSTEM]

My first love was the best I ever had. She was a 10/10 absurdly gorgeous. She had the exact same sense of humor as me and I could make her cry laughing whenever I wanted. Physically she was exactly my time and so was her personality.

Then I fked up the relationship, fell into a deep depression and broke things off. I came out of the depression and realized my mistake. For two years I tried to get her back and obsessed over her. It would feel like we were getting close again, and it’s fall apart again. I eventually gave up and 6 months past.

I was going away to college and on a whim asked her to go to coffee with me over text. She said yes and I was sooooo excited. The day arrived and she was just as beautiful as I remembered. We started talking and after a couple of minutes I started getting a sinking feeling. She had entirely changed her personality. She had become a massive narcissist, she was just talking   about everyone, even friends and family. She talked about how she thought it was strange she didn’t get hit on even though she’s super hot and other self obsessed topics. The only jokes she knew were tiktok memes. I eventually said I had to leave because I had to pee. We were 10 feet from a bathroom. We hugged I left and immediately blocked her. The end.

There’s a lot of lessons I learned from this that I’m too lazy to summarize.

People change like the weather does. So it is not a rare case. But I think the reason why she turned into a narcissist was just romantic traumatic experience and maybe you should find another opportunities to date her for one more time to confess your sins commited to her and ease her with your sincerity and bravery. Maybe you can witness some of her changes then.

[HateLAPELoveSTEM]

You sound like you don't love this girl at all instead want to possess and control her. Her concerns and desires are being ignored and you call them "blah blah." Just move on and respect her wishes bro. Yes I've "made up" with exes before but it's been after moving on and changing then reconnecting not by never letting go and harassing them.

Getting her back won't even make you happy bc then all you're likely to do is be on edge about "losing her" again. Break off the pattern of obsession and try to be happy without her. Eventually, you will be but you have to let go in order to reach that.

Exactly. If she wouldn't like to reconnect me after she graduates, then I think it's of no reasons to still stick to her.

[Jayjames]

You're missing the entire point of my post. The point is that your view of the situation and her is extremely unhealthy dude.

You can't map out your life in terms of women and if they'll take you back. Once you let it go and just be a better, healthier person mentally you'll be surprised how many women flock to you.

It'll never get better if you keep fixating on getting her back now or some long plan to con her back after she graduates. Seriously this line of thinking is how i've seen dudes turn into stalkers and do some really fked up   without even realizing it.

[HateLAPELoveSTEM]

You're missing the entire point of my post. The point is that your view of the situation and her is extremely unhealthy dude.

You can't map out your life in terms of women and if they'll take you back. Once you let it go and just be a better, healthier person mentally you'll be surprised how many women flock to you.

It'll never get better if you keep fixating on getting her back now or some long plan to con her back after she graduates. Seriously this line of thinking is how i've seen dudes turn into stalkers and do some really fked up   without even realizing it.

Sorry, I got you. I will just feel a little upset if she ghosts me after graduation but I don't mean I will do something very extreme to her just cuz she doesn't reconnect me and keep me in her mind. But still have learned something from this romance and she is a good 'teacher' LOL.

[173to187USTORUSSIA]

I think part of the reason we yearn for our exes is the familiarity and nostalgia.

We tend to view the past with rose colored glasses. Some part of us wishes we could go back, if only for a day. I'm not dreaming of my ex anymore (because Pragmatically I know me dety social market value is not high enough to get her.)

It's important to have emotions, but be sure and view them with the detached logic of an indifferent bystander.

[Medium Drink Of Water]

Did she do the surgery for longer legs? I’ve seen a couple of girls who did the surgery for longer legs, not for height.

When we actually stood next to each other for the first time she was a little disappointed by how tall I was.

She wanted to look like a tall, glamorous model who's the same height as most men.  I don't remember her saying anything about just wanting longer legs but that may likely have been an additional motive.

[ilovescience]

When we actually stood next to each other for the first time she was a little disappointed by how tall I was.

She wanted to look like a tall, glamorous model who's the same height as most men.  I don't remember her saying anything about just wanting longer legs but that may likely have been an additional motive.

That's surprising. Because you weren't short prior to the surgery. You were 170, that's a good height in China.