Day 31 post OP: yesterday was my breaking point mentally, possibly because my wife might leave early her birthday. But also because I hate it here, being so far away from home, being in a foreign country for so long is not an easy thing. It’s not easy for either of us, it feels alienating after so long. It also seems I can’t get comfortable anywhere, in my current condition. There is always pain/discomfort.
I switch places every week, but no place is really set up for me, either the bed is uncomfortable or the bathroom is barely big enough to fit my walker or the wifi sucks terribly. Also, I had some really bad pinsite pain and muscle pain last couple days, it started a week ago and got worse.
So I stopped lengthening the last day and I will not today also. That one day of not lengthening gave me a lot of relief. It really dropped my pain level, not completely but a lot. I guess it makes no sense doing 1.25m some days (I would do 1mm and 1.25m here and there), if it causes you extra pain and to stop. I’m sure when I lengthen even 1mm some pain will come back. My progress will be slow now which sucks. My motivation level is really low, knowing I have some progress made but I’m so far away still after what seems like endless suffering. Even the sometimes when my pain level drops close to 1-2, the discomfort does not go away from the fixators, I can’t sleep in a comfortable position, I take Xanax to sleep, but when I wake up in the morning it’s in a state of pain and discomfort. Night and morning seem to be the hardest. This whole thing is hard, on top of paying money it drains you mentally, physically, & emotionally. So far the small positive thing is I can notice I’m taller than my wife by 3-4cm, before it was only 1cm barely noticeable. But lack of motivation you don’t really even care, you just miss your prior life so much. There’s nothing you can do at this point except keep suffering and recover, if I quit now it’ll all be in the vain.
I can’t wait to have a normal life again God-willing, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be ungrateful when I do.
P.S. my left nail angle from X-ray worried me slightly, but everyone keeps saying it’s completely fine. upon checking my initial X-ray from the hospital, it looks like it’s always been that way.