I'm a 21 y.o Chinese Shanghaiese college student,who is only 162cm tall at night and 164cm tall in the morning.I live in metrocity Shanghai,and my father is Shanghaiese while my mother is Zhejiangese in countryside.
I'd been very short than other peers since childhood.I can clearly recall that I was only 130cm or so when just graduating from my primary school.I dunno what made this happen Cuz my mother is 158cm tall and my father is 162cm tall.Therefore,my genetic height is 168cm-170cm.But I didn't reach the number by several cms.
Maybe the only reason is that I have a little problems about indigestion.Everytime I eat up a piece of pork I'll feel no more appetite to eat anything.And my appetite is worse than many girls'....When I was 12 y.o I asked my parents to
All I remember is that I was often laughed at when I was 12 y.o,when I just stepped into middle school.The most influencing tragedy of mine was that once I was on the lesson platform to hand in my homework,and the student next to me was 160cm+ tall and pay attention:I was on the step and he was on the ground.Then he saw he was still taller than me and he said 'Look!I'm still taller than him though he is on the step!Hahaha...'.
When I was 15,I tried to kill myself for four times..but all failed..having jumping failures for three times and hanging failures for one time....
And I was measured 159cm on the middle school graduation physical examination.I still recall that I was crying out all day after that...
My high school life is a bit more peaceful.But I was still worried that that female classmate,who measured my height as 162cm herself,at that moment,she was laughing at me..But luckily I wasn't laughed at in broad daylight along high school life.So I was a little happier and didn't meditate due to my height.
But everything became worse.After Gaokao,you know,for teenager romance,you shoulda got handsome appearance besides masculine height,so instead I've been feeling inferior during my college life.
But one day,just 3/15 last year,I ran into my heaven-sent good girl online,who was 148cm tall,and her tenderness and purity moved me a lot then and soon I fell in deep love with her.She told me there is no necessity to feel inferior or sorry for one's height..And She told me,that in fact she hated herself just like me..for some reason...She was also isolated by peers cuz of her appearance and height..and just argued with one of her most intimate friends..She feel terribly isolated..So she got temporary depression...And thus we ran into others.
Yea'...I really forgot I was a manlet during 3/15/2020——8/19/2020...I was very very happy.I felt top of the world.I felt accepted and safe because of her...
On 4/18/2020,she introduced a female friend to me.She told me that friend appreciated me and wanna be my friend.But her friend had some problems with her personalities(At least I think that was it)..So I suddenly quarrelled with her about it and made her angry to require my gf to break up with me.But finally we all forgive each other.
I finally mad friend with her!
With the supports of them,I completely won my nightmare——height!I became brave.I was brave enough to go out regardless of the fact I was shorter than others by 10cms+.I became out-going...And at the same time our relationship was becoming more and more intimate.My love was also becoming more and more intense..Although my gf's depression didn't go away quickily during that time.I was acting like an angel...caring her per sec...pleasing her all the time...Her laughing and every word she said were my gasoline...In all we had met others offline for four times..
But this relationship still was put to the end on 8/4/2020...Cuz my gf's depression attacked her again but I felt angry cuz she broke her promise that she would become alright for me...So I argued angrily and drastically with her...which leaded to my best female friend leaving me cuz she couldn't stand my hysteria...
It ain't very long before my gf told me that she actually didn't love me but acting like this cuz she was sympathizing me..And finally she dumped me on 8/19/2020...That fking date...I won't forget forever and forever..and finally she turned her face to other boy..Last month she told she had been together with him...by e-mail.
By now,my depression was becoming worse and worse due to two important ones leaving me alone and height...I dunno when I can make up my mind to suicide..I've been suicidal for four months....I really dunno the meaning of my life.
I would like to sacrifice over than half of my lifetime for those two people and height.