Surgery Month +8, Consolidation Month +4A lot has changed in this last month. Here is my update:
Reactions-Event 1-This was an event with a social club so there were a lot of old acquaintances who should be familiar with my height. I wasn’t feeling terribly confident about my gait going in, but I think I actually ended up walking pretty well. I had to go up and down two flights of stairs multiple times throughout the evening and spent a few hours standing. I don’t think anyone noticed any issues with my walking or even saw that my legs were wobbling while I was walking downstairs.
Friend 1: This guy is 5’8” so he was slightly taller than me before and I thought he would be likely to notice. I had sometimes worn lifts in the past though which made me taller than him. He actually didn’t seem to notice at all that I was taller than him now and didn’t comment on my height even though he should be familiar with my old height. I guess most “normal” people just don’t care that much about height, especially keeping track of other people’s heights.
Friend 2: This guy is a true 6-footer and I used to think he was even taller but after getting LL he only seems a little taller than me. He definitely didn't notice any change in my height since he’s taller than me. While we were catching up, a few girls approached us to strike up a conversation. One of them actually asked us how tall we were and I said 5’11” and he said 6’1”. She said “wow, you guys are so tall, I’m only 5’4” in heels”. This was the first time in my life that anyone had ever called me tall (and I probably benefited from being grouped together with the other guy here). I certainly don’t feel
tall though, just taller than before.
Friend 3: This guy is about 5’10” and the first thing he said when he saw me was “Wow! You got bigger.” Based on the level of amazement in his voice I’m almost certain that he realized I had become taller. He couldn’t say that though, because it’s clearly impossible for me to have grown
I immediately played off his “bigger” comment and said that I had been working out during the pandemic and jokingly made a flexing pose. He went along with it and said “Man, I remember you were a lot smaller before. You must have lifted a lot during the pandemic.” He didn’t say anything else about my height for the rest of the evening, so I assume he accepted my new height.
There were quite a few other acquaintances that I met that night whom I hadn’t seen during the pandemic or for even longer than that. Strangely, even those who are 5’7” to 5’9” who I have now surpassed in height did not seem to notice that I grew taller. I have worn lifts around this group of people in the past, so I think that really helped with obscuring my actual height. Also, I don’t think most people care all that much about other peoples' height.
I also talked to a few female acquaintances at the event. None of them were taller than my starting height, but some were close. I don’t think any of them noticed that I was taller, but a few of them said that I looked good. I'm sure my new physique had something to do with it. Based on my observations so far, I think it’s very difficult for someone who was already shorter than your starting height to notice that you got taller.
-Event 2-This was a smaller gathering, but a few of my close friends were there. There were also some old acquaintances as well. I did not wear lifts in the past with this group of people so I went in again feeling like I might be exposed. My biggest fear is someone mentioning my change in height in a group conversation and then everyone else having their thoughts confirmed and becoming emboldened and correspondingly inquisitive about it as well.
Friend 4:
The host of the party is a very good friend of mine and about 5’7”. I hadn’t seen him for almost two years, but he definitely knows that he was the same height as me because we have actually compared heights before. We also hung out a ton the year before the pandemic because I was dating his wife’s friend at the time. With that said, when I saw him he did a double take and looked at me a bit weird, but didn’t say anything at all about my height the whole evening even though the change was clear. His wife is far too short to notice any change in my height relative to herself, though she might have noticed that I was taller than her husband now. I'm surprised he didn't say anything, but I guess it's impossible for me to have grown taller, right?
Friend 5:
This is one of my closest friends from before surgery and someone I even hung out with during the pandemic. I had to come up with lots of excuses to avoid hanging out while I was recovering from surgery. I didn’t tell him about the surgery
(as I have told no one) and I have been delaying hanging out as long as possible because I'm sure he'll say something about my gait. With this party hosted by our mutual friend I figured it would be more suspicious to skip out. Before surgery, I thought that he was 5’10”, but now I can say for sure that he’s a solid 5’9” because I think I’m actually a tiny bit taller than him now. Since I was clearly much shorter than him before surgery, I thought it would be very obvious to him that I grew taller, but he didn't seem to notice my new height at all. Everything was just business as usual and he was just happy to finally catch up in person. This reaction was very surprising to me, but again I suppose most “normal” people have a lot more to worry about in their lives than how tall other people are.
In fact, no one else at this party noticed that I grew taller at all. Lots of the guys who were at the party are 5’9” to 5’10” and have met me before at my original height, but somehow nobody seemed to notice that I’m now the same height as them. I was amazed that no one noticed that I had changed at all even though to me it was a very obvious change since I clearly remember being shorter than them. Given that I want to keep everything a secret, I’m just pleasantly surprised about all this. I know some LLers want external acknowledgment that they grew taller, so if your experiences are like mine you might be disappointed.
-Event 3-This was another big party with a lot of people I didn’t know and a few people I knew from before. I’m definitely getting more used to socializing and less worried about others noticing my new height so I’m finally able to enjoy going out and being taller instead of being stuck at home worrying about being outed as a “crazy LLer”. Note that I did wear 2cm lifts for this party because of a specific reason I won’t go into. I’m not planning to wear lifts normally.
Friend 6:
I’m not too close with this guy, but we’ve been acquainted for several years. I thought he was a bit taller than me before, and this could have been magnified by his heavyset build. When I saw him at this party he looked to be about 5’8” and I was close to 5’11” since I was wearing lifts. After seeing me he immediately went “HOLY SH*T HOW DID YOU GET SO TALL?!” and then made some comments about playing basketball to grow taller. I realized that he might not know exactly how old I am and could have just thought that I had a late growth spurt in the last two years since we had met. Fortunately, no one else I knew from before was standing nearby so I just replied “yeah, I played a lot of basketball during the pandemic” and we laughed it off. He did not make any more comments about my height after that. Also, what’s really crazy to me is that this guy
feels small to my brain now even though he’s got a good 70+ pounds on me. I can see why tall guys are so confident now lol.
Friend 7:
This guy I’ve known for a while and he’s about 5’8”. He didn’t say anything directly about my new height but I could tell that he noticed. While we were chatting up some taller girls one of them asked him how tall he was and he said that he and I were about the same height (we are clearly not) and then he deflected the question to me and asked me how tall I was. I noticed he was standing on his tiptoes at this point to match my height, so I said “six foot” and then stood on my tiptoes as well and added a “one” sarcastically. Since the girl was watching me when I did that she just laughed and then changed the subject.
Afterwards I think this guy accepted my new height because he didn’t mention height or try to stand on his tiptoes near me anymore. I never thought I’d see the day where I could make a joke about my own height and not feel terrible about it. I was also reminded of the old days where I tried to sneakily appear taller at parties due to my feelings of being too short. It must have been obvious to others and they probably just didn’t point it out because it would have been awkward.
Friend 8:
This girl is an old acquaintance. She’s about 5’6” and was wearing really high heels so she was maybe 5’9” in heels. I’ve seen her in heels before my surgery and she was definitely taller than me. I would say back then I would have been a bit intimidated by her height but now she just feels like a “normal girl” to me. Fortunately she did not remember my height at all, and just commented that I looked “fresh”. I think the taller a girl is the less she cares about a guy’s height than shorter girls do. For some reason, short girls want a guy that towers over them, but tall girls are okay as long as the guy isn’t shorter. Of course, some girls don’t care about a guy’s height at all, even if he’s shorter than her, but this forum is not the place where we talk about those girls
-Others-I also hung out with some other friends during this period.
Friend 9:
This guy is my college friend who always claimed that he is 5’10”. We have pictures together where I’m a few inches shorter than him and he definitely knows that I didn’t have a growth spurt after college since we’ve been living in the same city and have hung out sometimes. When I saw him I realized he was basically the exact same height as me now, so not quite 5’10” but close. Somehow he did not notice in any way that I had gotten taller. We hadn’t met for a year and a half so we just caught up as usual. I’m quite surprised that he didn’t notice but I don’t mind. I guess some people’s brains just don’t register the possibility that an adult grew taller, because it’s impossible
Friend 10:
I was actually roommates with this guy for a few months in college. We’re not really close though, but both he and I are good friends with friend 9, who invited both of us to a party of his. I remember that this guy was shorter than my starting height, but don't remember by how much. When I saw him though, I immediately noticed that I was way taller than him. He commented that I looked like I must have been lifting a lot because I was way “bigger” than he remembered.
(I’m telling you guys, the Captain America plan really works!) Anyway, I don’t think he remembered my exact height because it really was a long time since I last saw him. Friend 9 was also there when Friend 10 made that comment and he said “[BTM] has always been built.” I seriously think this guy's brain retroactively changed his memories of my past height and he forgot that he was taller than me lmao.
Other Comments on ReactionsThat’s about it on reactions. I’m sure I will meet some old friends and acquaintances in the future who might notice that I grew taller, but after this last month I really don’t think of it as a big deal anymore. Most people so far have either not noticed, been silent about it, or quickly accepted it, so there’s not really anything that interesting to write about. I think the only people I’m a little concerned about calling me out on it are my extended family, especially cousins and uncles who I have surpassed in height, but none of them live in the area so it’s not a big concern at the moment.
Also, the only people who seem to notice that I grew taller are men at or just above my starting height. Even then, all the guys who noticed and made a comment about it internalized the information quickly and just accepted my new height. After all, height is not something that can be changed in most people’s brains so if I’m a different height than before, then they must have just remembered my old height wrong
lol. I really don’t think any women have noticed yet. Almost all of the women I know are 5’6” or shorter. Some of the ones I’ve met have commented that I look “better” without any explanation, which is amusing to me because I know the real reason why. No one has made any rude or negative comments about my new height so I don’t really see any issues with just showing up taller and pretending that nothing happened because it seems to work. I also had the pandemic as a backdrop to my surgery, so that made things a lot easier since there were many people that I hadn’t seen in well over a year. My company has announced a return-to-office date but based on the reactions so far I'm not afraid of seeing my coworkers again at all.
I can’t imagine telling everyone (or even a few close friends) that I did the surgery though. Even if some or most people accept the truth, I think as long as there are some bad apples that might find out, they can definitely use the information against you. Even your friends might accidentally (without any malicious intent) reveal the information to someone who you don’t want to know about your surgery. I also really don’t want it to be the main topic of conversation every time I meet my friends because knowing that you did the surgery isn’t something that anyone will easily forget and everyone will definitely be curious about it. I’m definitely not the type of person who wants to be the center of attention all the time.
Height DysphoriaI don’t have any height dysphoria, neurosis, etc. anymore. While I have written a lot in this entry on peoples’ exact heights, I’m only doing it to provide context for the journal. Personally, I don’t care at all how tall anyone is anymore. Well.. at least I don’t care any more about height than a “normal” man would (because let’s be honest, all guys notice height to some extent). However, it’s not the first thing I think about when I meet new people and most importantly, my own height doesn’t make me feel bad anymore. I think at this point I can say that this surgery definitely cured any height neurosis I had previously. In fact, I think the surgery made me realize that height really isn't that important. When I go out to parties, there are still guys that tower over me, but I just don’t care because they tower over everyone else too. However, my relative standing amongst my peer group seems to be slightly above average now, so I’m really quite satisfied with how things
feel when I’m hanging out with others now.
When you reach an acceptable height, I think everything regarding height just becomes “normalized” and I feel like this has definitely happened to me. I will
absolutely not consider getting my tibias done. To me the marginal advantage of another two inches is not worth the immense drawbacks. Getting femurs done has already been much more difficult than I thought. I will be very happy just fully recovering from my femurs surgery and living my life fully at this height. Doing LL has made me realize that my life has always been pretty good and that I really took everything for granted. I’m ready to go back out there and fully appreciate what I already have. I think having done something about my short stature is one of the main reasons that I don’t care anymore. If I never got LL, I would always go through life thinking “what if?” but instead I got it done and now I know for sure what it’s like being slightly taller (hint: it doesn’t really make that much of a difference).
DatingI just checked a percentile calculator and assuming it’s not out of date, I'm taller than 98% of women in the US and 88% of women in 3 inch heels, so I
really can’t complain about my height in terms of dating anymore. If a girl must have a guy who towers over her, that’s really not my problem. The way I look at it, when people tell a short man who is complaining about heightism in dating that he should just find a girl who doesn’t care about his height, that advice isn’t very helpful if only 20% of women are okay with his height. However, if 80% of women would be content with his height, then that advice is golden. Going forward I’m just going to happily avoid or ignore any girl who thinks I’m short, because finally I can do that without excluding most girls from my dating pool.
I’ve gone on a few dates now, even one with a 5’9” girl. I don’t think she cared that I wasn’t much taller than her; it's probably fine that I just wasn’t shorter than her. I also went out with a doctor, though she wasn’t doing anything related to orthopedics. She did not make any comments about me that would suggest to me that she was suspicious about my height. So far, I feel like my confidence has gone up a little due to my increased height and I haven’t experienced any heightism in dating that I’m aware of. However, I’m still not 100% confident about my gait, I have absolutely no lower body athleticism, and I’m worried about all the scars on my legs. I have been holding back a bit with dating because of these things. Also, the dating pool here isn’t that big for the type of girl I like and being taller can’t really help with that. I’m pretty sure COVID is still somewhat interfering with dating in general, especially offline dating as many social groups disappeared during the pandemic and have not come back. Since I started dating again I actually haven’t met any girls that I’m super into yet, but I guess in a way that kind of works out since I also haven’t fully recovered yet.
I think from a dating perspective, being 5’10” man really is a world of difference from being 5’7”. A lot of girls who only felt slightly shorter than me in the past now feel much more petite to me. I definitely notice that I feel less pressure regarding height around these girls than I did before. It's almost like magic! I don’t really notice any difference with girls who already felt very short before, but I think from their perspective I probably look better now since I stack up better against other men. Overall, height is definitely a confidence booster for dating and I'm looking forward to enjoying my new height even more.
I’ve also hooked up with a girl for the first time since surgery.
*Skip the rest of this section if you don’t want to read about sex* First, I think she definitely noticed my scars but for some reason she didn’t comment about them. I also awkwardly pretended that they weren't there. My stamina/cardio level isn’t anywhere near as good as it was before surgery, but it’s definitely enough for a quick romp. My glutes are still terribly small and weak, so I need assistance from my leg muscles to thrust. Missionary is quite difficult because I can’t split my legs very far apart (improving slowly) to get myself low enough to put it in. I can still do missionary in what is basically a plank position, but that's tiring and the thrusting is not very effective since my glutes are so weak. Doggy style is much better for me than before, because long femurs = better angle to go in at. Also, it was funny because when she wanted to go on top I was like “hell naw!” Even though she was quite skinny I’m super paranoid about her inadvertently sitting down on my femurs and bending or breaking the nails. Anyway, this has definitely gotten me motivated to do more glute exercises to recover my previous thrusting power haha.
ScarsAs I’ve posted in some other threads on here, I’m a bit concerned about my scars. I have pretty light skin on my legs, and the scars are not fading as much as I’d like. At eight months after surgery, they range from reddish-brown to light-reddish-brown. I think the light ones will have faded by year two, but I’m not so sure about the darker ones. I’ve been periodically applying a topical scar reducing ointment, but I don’t think it really helps all that much. I think the scars closest to my knees might have been exposed to more sunlight because they are the darker ones. Unfortunately those are also the scars that others are most likely to see. I have at least one tropical vacation planned for this winter and I’d love to be able to wear swim trunks without exposing my scars.
Of course, many of the scars will be reopened after nail removal, so even if they fade, I will have to go through the whole process again. If it takes years for everything to fade away each time, then it’s going to be quite a while before my skin looks normal visually. Of course, with the darker scars I’m not even 100% sure they will fade. I plan to book a consultation with a dermatologist/scar specialist who might be able to tell me more about how long it will take for my scars to fade and if there are any treatment options for me. If not, then I’m going to have to come up with a pretty good backstory, because eventually there will be a girl who asks about them.
RecoveryRecovery this month is a tale of two halves. The first half of the month was basically just like the prior month. All the symptoms of fatigue and weakness and difficulty in working out were still there. I felt like my legs were healing far too slowly and that it took forever to recover from any type of leg workout. However, I decided to push myself to my limit and did a 2.5 mile walk and then a 3 mile walk a few days later, and after that my recovery suddenly sped up. By the end of this period I did two 4 mile walks on back-to-back days (though that was definitely pushing my limit) and one day I even had a total distance of ~7 miles.
In the second half of the month, it felt like I only needed one day to recover after a leg workout, and during that day my legs didn’t feel too bad. However, it still takes some time for my legs to warm up and start walking well. If I sit down for a while, I usually have to stretch my legs out and take a few steps before my gait is normalized. Walking is certainly getting a bit more normal, though my legs still feel some level of stiffness and resistance when I walk. I probably just need to continue stretching, but I definitely think things are improving. This month has been solid for my recovery and I feel much better about everything than I did last month. In fact, I feel that my leg muscles are already strong enough to jog if my bones were consolidated and I'm looking forward to that because it should speed up my recovery.
This month I have also frequently been in the gym working out my upper body and my diet has still been very clean, so I think in general I should be healthy and recovering at the maximum rate that my body is capable of. If not, at least my upper body is continuing to get more muscular which helps obscure my height change (or at least distracts from it). I certainly “feel” healthier than I did a month or two ago. I’m back up to sets of 185 lbs on the bench press and 115 lbs on the shoulder press. I can also do 20 unweighted dips and 5 unweighted pull ups now. These are all huge gains in strength from a month ago. I also do a large range of arm and back/core exercises and I think my upper body is quickly returning to its former glory. I find that with some creative adjustments, I can work out any muscle that's not directly a leg muscle without putting extra strain on my nails. Being in the gym more consistently along with a good diet and better sleep habits has greatly improved my mood from last month. While I still feel a bit disabled when I move around, being able to lift more has compensated for that by making me feel like my body is still strong.
I still have a long way to go on recovery, but this month has been a huge improvement in my recovery. I can’t squat or deadlift with any extra weight at all yet. I’ve been practicing unweighted squats and lunges a bit, but it still hurts my femurs to do most leg exercises, so I don’t train very consistently. I think this might be a chicken-and-egg problem though; if I don’t do any leg exercises I won’t speed up my consolidation, but if I don’t consolidate I won’t feel like doing leg exercises due to the pain. Walking a lot has probably helped with this though. The pain feels like it’s mainly inside my femurs, right above the knee. It comes and goes on both legs but if I’m well rested it doesn't limit me in walking even if I feel it. The level of numbness in my shins is still the same, and I sporadically have irritating nerve pain in my lower legs, though it’s only a small fraction of how bad it was while I was lengthening. I usually just ignore the nerve pain, though it’s definitely annoying to me.
Finally, like I said I still
feel somewhat disabled. This is because any time I move my legs while putting weight on them my brain feels like there’s something slightly off about them. Even though externally my gait looks normal now, my brain still senses something wrong with my legs and until that feeling goes away completely, I don’t think I will be able to feel “normal”. Also, if I walk fast or take long strides, I can still feel the limitations on my legs in terms of strength, flexibility, and tightness. I’m surely improving over time and this month has been great in terms of recovery, but I’m still not quite “normal” yet, even though I’ve been consolidating for as long as I had been lengthening. I hope to reach that point soon though, and it may coincide with when my femurs finish consolidating.
ConsolidationI’m not scheduled for any X-rays this month so I have no idea how my consolidation is coming along. I will be getting X-rays next month though, so I hope that I’ll be a lot closer to being consolidated given how much I’ve been working out my legs this month. Everything is taking way longer than I anticipated so I must keep my expectations in check, but it would be amazing if I’m consolidated by my next X-ray though, because I’m really looking forward to running and doing leg workouts to round out my body. My upper body is getting pretty bulked up now, so it’s starting to look like I’ve been skipping leg day lol. I’m also going to be traveling a bit at the end of summer and I’d be able to do a lot more things if I was already consolidated.
Regarding nail removal at some point in the future, I was thinking about how we’re not supposed to do leg workouts for three months after the nails are out. That’s almost as long as I have been consolidating so far and I know that’s going to feel like a really long time! I can’t imagine that it will be very fun going from fully functional legs back to the early stages of consolidation all over again. I’m definitely not looking forward to that, but I guess it’ll be the last step in putting all of this behind me. I haven’t considered exactly what I’m going to do for nail removal yet, but I’m keeping my options open for now.
VideoI finally managed to find the time to make a video. I wore a disguise so I wouldn’t have to spend as much time editing the video. Fortunately none of my neighbors came out into the hallway while I was filming
I have started doing squats this month, so I can finally somewhat show my progress in the video. However, I can’t do it with my butt to the ground or I’ll fall over backwards. I guess that’s due to the change in biomechanics and additional leg strength won’t help me there. I still feel quite weak when squatting though, so my glutes need a lot more work. I think the squatting actually helped with my gait though, because I finally feel good about my gait. It still takes some concentration to walk properly and I lose some of my ability to walk well when my legs get very tired, but at least when I’m fresh I should appear to walk normally.
My flexibility is only a little bit better than before since I haven’t stretched as much as I should be stretching. My sit and reach hasn't really improved and I can't quite touch my heel to my butt yet. Most of my increase in flexibility should come from all the walking and general leg workouts. I think my muscles are all quite a bit stronger than last month though (hips, legs, etc.) If my recovery progress continues at the rate that it has this month, then I think I will be back to feeling “normal” fairly soon, which is an important milestone for me. Also, the clicking sound in my right knee was there before surgery so it’s not caused by LL.
Final CommentsSadly I think this is going to be my last journal entry for a while and there is a chance that I never come back to the forum. I completely understand why most vets simply disappear; some without even a trace. I just don’t feel like keeping a LL journal anymore because my life is becoming more and more normal and LL just isn’t a major focus in my mind any longer. As I think less and less about LL each day I just don’t have all that much to write about related to height. Even when I record a video for the journal, instead of thinking “oh this is exciting, I can see my progress” instead I just want to get it over with.
Comparing the time when I first started considering LL many years ago to now having done it and finally starting to recover, I realize how much doing LL has changed my perspective on a lot of things. I actually find it quite difficult to relate with someone who hasn’t done the surgery because the way we think about height, the surgery itself, and the rest of the process is completely different. I no longer believe that my original height actually limited me as much as I had thought (maybe retroactively fixed by LL) and my current height is definitely not limiting my life in any way (though the recovery from LL still is). I realize now how good it is to be a normal able-bodied human, even if short statured, and I can really appreciate that now.
The forum has been less active now that Stryde is off the market and I’ve already been visiting less and less, but I don’t plan to visit anymore because I think it will help me move on from this mentally. As I’m starting to get over LL, I’ve also spent more time thinking about the other major goals in my life and realized that I’ve wasted a lot of time making no progress toward them while undergoing LL. As such, I’m now ready to direct my attention to the future rather than the present. I might come back with an update when I get my nails removed next year. However, if this is my last post here, don't be surprised. Unfortunately, at this point I can't say for sure if the surgery was worth it for me or not. I think I need more time to recover and experience life at my new height to reach a solid conclusion. If I ever come back here I will have a better idea of whether or not it was worth it for me, but if not I'll just have to leave it up in the air. As of now though, I will say I have no regrets from doing the surgery.
While I may disappear like many others before me, at least I said my farewells first. To all the vets that I’ve gotten advice from, thank you. This forum is quite helpful for those undergoing lengthening and consolidation and I’m glad this community was there when I needed it. To those currently undergoing the process, I wish you all a speedy recovery and return to normalcy. To all the prospective lengthers, I hope you are all content with your height someday, one way or another. If you get the surgery, be smart about it. Goodbye everyone, and best of luck with everything!