Hey everyone, I'm turning 22 next month. I am 5'6" (168cm in the evening) tall. I don't know if I should proceed with leg lengthening.
For my entire life, I was bullied for being the smallest kid in the class. Moving from city to city, even moving to a different country was tough. Having switched schools 5 times, I was teased over and over for my height, but eventually I managed to make friends despite it being very difficult.
I think I was notably short as a child because my mom took me to a growth specialist when I was 11. Apparently I was starting to show hormonal markers of puberty but I was very small for my age but had a delayed bone age. Anyway, shortly after, from age 12-14 I hit my "growth spurt" and went from about 4'10 to 5'4. By my 15th birthday I hit 5'6 and didn't grow since then. At age 17 years and 3 months, after urging my mom to get it checked, we found out my bone age was about 18 years old which is pretty much fused. Advanced for my age, but still within 1 standard deviation. It was just a wrist X-ray but my other bones didn't grow since then so I guess I was done for good.
Now for why I think I have height dysphoria:
I had severe acne when I was 14 years old... I was prescribed Accutane at this age and wasn't made aware it can cause premature growth plate closure. I took it for a short time so looking at it realistically it probably didn't do much, but the psychological issue of "did I stunt my growth" always remains in the back of my head and still makes me feel horrible to this day, almost 8 years later. It is definitely a huge component of my depression. Also, as a child I neglected my sleep and nutrition because my dad has a respectable height of 5'9.5 (177cm) so I figured I would just grow to around his size. These two issues makes me feel like I completely messed up my height. Because of this, I wanted to commit suicide when I was 15. I was very serious but did not do it. I don't think I'm at a risk of doing this now, but now as an adult I am very ashamed to show myself in public and meet new people. I feel less of a human and it's sometimes evident in how my daily interactions go. Before I even open my mouth I notice people at the cash register treat me condescendingly. But I don't really care what they think; it's a small impediment compared to my own self-image issues that haunt my mind when I'm alone.
I am trying to treat my psychological issues. I have been going to therapy for depression and anxiety, but I am now starting to think I also suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, although I don't know if I truly fit into that criteria. I actually look abnormal because of my height, it's not just in my head. I have a really narrow frame and shoulders which makes me look like a child, a short torso and pretty long legs, almost the same length as my 5'9.5 dad's. My younger brother grew to 5'7.5" range, he has a wider frame and is longer in the torso. I think in the legs we are pretty much identical. I wish I could have grown to his height range and feel like a normal guy. I think he might have eaten better as a child since he was fat and I wasn't, but he finished his growth at around the same age as I did. I will finally tell my therapist tomorrow that I have height dysphoria.
Besides the mental issues I already described, from age 19-20 I had a substance use issue with marijuana because I used it as an escape from the way my mind tortured me. I have been sober for over a year but now I suffer from a very severe from of depersonalization/derealization, and some form of OCD which existed all my life. I think I am probably a horrible candidate for leg lengthening right now, but maybe once I resolve my issues, if I still feel bad about my height I can proceed with caution.
Some brainstorming for my leg lengthening surgery:
- One of my hobbies is skateboarding. I feel like perhaps this surgery will mean I have to give up on it, but I am looking for a very modest increase and I think it will be possible to skate again. There are skaters with prosthetic limbs doing some amazing tricks, I think this is nothing in comparison.
- I want the top doctors in the world. I need to research more doctors but Dr. Paley or Dr. Rozbruch seem phenomenal. I work in IT and live with my parents so I will have the means to save up and fund this by my late 20s.
- I want the best method - probably the Stryde Nail.
- I am currently 170.4cm morning and lose almost an inch to get to 168.0cm before bedtime.
- I want to be in the average range of height. This would mean strong 5'7 range at the lowest, just like my brother. I would do 3cm femurs to become 173.4cm morning/171.0cm evening. If my proportions look good I will stop here. If I want a bit more height and it will help my proportions I will also do 2.5cm tibias to become 175.9cm morning / 173.5cm evening. Depending on your feedback I may post a mock-up to see how I will look.
- This small surgery will allow me to keep my athletic ability and I will recover very quickly from it, perhaps not even needing the Stryde Nail since my muscles won't atrophy much. It won't be too dramatic of a change for people to question me about it, and I might finally be able to look in the mirror and love the person I see.
I feel like maybe I am delusional and should accept my height, the only problem is nobody close to me takes my issues seriously. I figured you guys are sort of on the same boat and can give me some advice.
I am eager to hear your thoughts about my situation, and whether you treat your dysphoria with therapy or surgery, I am rooting for you.
Much love,
- NotTallEnough