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Author Topic: Height dysphoria psychological issues  (Read 2217 times)

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NotTallEnough

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Height dysphoria psychological issues
« on: April 29, 2020, 01:56:12 AM »

Hey everyone, I'm turning 22 next month. I am 5'6" (168cm in the evening) tall. I don't know if I should proceed with leg lengthening.

For my entire life, I was bullied for being the smallest kid in the class. Moving from city to city, even moving to a different country was tough. Having switched schools 5 times, I was teased over and over for my height, but eventually I managed to make friends despite it being very difficult.

I think I was notably short as a child because my mom took me to a growth specialist when I was 11. Apparently I was starting to show hormonal markers of puberty but I was very small for my age but had a delayed bone age. Anyway, shortly after, from age 12-14 I hit my "growth spurt" and went from about 4'10 to 5'4. By my 15th birthday I hit 5'6 and didn't grow since then. At age 17 years and 3 months, after urging my mom to get it checked, we found out my bone age was about 18 years old which is pretty much fused. Advanced for my age, but still within 1 standard deviation. It was just a wrist X-ray but my other bones didn't grow since then so I guess I was done for good.

Now for why I think I have height dysphoria:

I had severe acne when I was 14 years old... I was prescribed Accutane at this age and wasn't made aware it can cause premature growth plate closure. I took it for a short time so looking at it realistically it probably didn't do much, but the psychological issue of "did I stunt my growth" always remains in the back of my head and still makes me feel horrible to this day, almost 8 years later. It is definitely a huge component of my depression. Also, as a child I neglected my sleep and nutrition because my dad has a respectable height of 5'9.5 (177cm) so I figured I would just grow to around his size. These two issues makes me feel like I completely messed up my height. Because of this, I wanted to commit suicide when I was 15. I was very serious but did not do it. I don't think I'm at a risk of doing this now, but now as an adult I am very ashamed to show myself in public and meet new people. I feel less of a human and it's sometimes evident in how my daily interactions go. Before I even open my mouth I notice people at the cash register treat me condescendingly. But I don't really care what they think; it's a small impediment compared to my own self-image issues that haunt my mind when I'm alone.

I am trying to treat my psychological issues. I have been going to therapy for depression and anxiety, but I am now starting to think I also suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder, although I don't know if I truly fit into that criteria. I actually look abnormal because of my height, it's not just in my head. I have a really narrow frame and shoulders which makes me look like a child, a short torso and pretty long legs, almost the same length as my 5'9.5 dad's. My younger brother grew to 5'7.5" range, he has a wider frame and is longer in the torso. I think in the legs we are pretty much identical. I wish I could have grown to his height range and feel like a normal guy. I think he might have eaten better as a child since he was fat and I wasn't, but he finished his growth at around the same age as I did. I will finally tell my therapist tomorrow that I have height dysphoria.

Besides the mental issues I already described, from age 19-20 I had a substance use issue with marijuana because I used it as an escape from the way my mind tortured me. I have been sober for over a year but now I suffer from a very severe from of depersonalization/derealization, and some form of OCD which existed all my life. I think I am probably a horrible candidate for leg lengthening right now, but maybe once I resolve my issues, if I still feel bad about my height I can proceed with caution.


Some brainstorming for my leg lengthening surgery:

- One of my hobbies is skateboarding. I feel like perhaps this surgery will mean I have to give up on it, but I am looking for a very modest increase and I think it will be possible to skate again. There are skaters with prosthetic limbs doing some amazing tricks, I think this is nothing in comparison.

- I want the top doctors in the world. I need to research more doctors but Dr. Paley or  Dr. Rozbruch seem phenomenal. I work in IT and live with my parents so I will have the means to save up and fund this by my late 20s.

- I want the best method - probably the Stryde Nail.

- I am currently 170.4cm morning and lose almost an inch to get to 168.0cm before bedtime.

- I want to be in the average range of height. This would mean strong 5'7 range at the lowest, just like my brother. I would do 3cm femurs to become 173.4cm morning/171.0cm evening. If my proportions look good I will stop here. If I want a bit more height and it will help my proportions I will also do 2.5cm tibias to become 175.9cm morning / 173.5cm evening. Depending on your feedback I may post a mock-up to see how I will look.

- This small surgery will allow me to keep my athletic ability and I will recover very quickly from it, perhaps not even needing the Stryde Nail since my muscles won't atrophy much. It won't be too dramatic of a change for people to question me about it, and I might finally be able to look in the mirror and love the person I see.


I feel like maybe I am delusional and should accept my height, the only problem is nobody close to me takes my issues seriously. I figured you guys are sort of on the same boat and can give me some advice.

I am eager to hear your thoughts about my situation, and whether you treat your dysphoria with therapy or surgery, I am rooting for you.

Much love,

- NotTallEnough
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ghkid2019

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2020, 05:38:45 AM »

Height dysphoria doesn't have to be perceived- shorter people are more or less objectively less attractive in general and don't look as proportioned as an average person- it's not irrational to feel like you look "off" as a shorter man. If this wasn't the case then we'd see a more even distribution among heights in women's preferences, but we don't, it's heavily skewed towards taller people in general. But no incel mentality here- pleasing women are definitely not why someone should get LL.

And dysphoria literally means you're unhappy, and obviously you're unhappy about your height. It's not some "ohh im in the wrong body im a man born as a female" type of weird shiet, it's just you being unhappy about your body. I'd say almost everyone on this forum has it.

As to if you stunted your growth with Accutane, it doesn't really matter and at most you stunted 2 cm, and that's probably a stretch. Your bones didn't fuse early or anything, it's within 1 SD like you said and the "average" bone age isn't really representative of people, genetically taller people usually stop growing near their 20s, while genetically shorter people stop growth nearer towards 16. Also you were short as a child, and managed to grow to 5' 6. I was below 5th percentile as a child and my mom didn't even take me to an endo doctor- she didn't know about this stuff and I wasn't as fortunate to be knowledgeable of HGH until it was too late. My brother is a whole 4 inches taller than me. I used to resent heavily my mom for not going to doctors to see what's up as I was also a tiny child for my age. But she didn't know, just like you didn't know Accutane may have stunted your growth. There's no point in fretting about the past when there's not a single person to blame and obviously this won't magically change your mind but it's something to think about. The more you try to think about what "could've," frankly you are just drinking more poison and killing your brain cells for spilling milk.

You're right, you are a subpar candidate for LL right now. People who have become the most satisfied with LL are already successful people in multiple aspect of their lives- I'm talking about people like Movie, Purushrottam, InFullStryde, OverrideYourGenetics (even told all his family and friends before doing the surgery), DoingItForMe, Iamready...

These people have their life set in order pre-surgery, they had the income and had strong social fabrics- they weren't overly depressed about their height and most didn't have general anxiety or depersonalization or whatever crazy schizophernic   you have- they simply felt that they needed to cure their height neurosis and this was the only step they could do. I don't know if you're like them or not, but I assume you are in a darker situation, given your substance abuse and heavy depression.

About expectations, it's very likely you won't be satisfied with a 3 cm increase. I will be quite honest that you will still look at yourself as short, 5' 7 is not very different that 5' 6. You go from 15th percentile to 25th percentile. My opinion, but you will still have height dysphoria. 3cm flat out won't fix your mind. Again, my opinion.

I think you should trash your expectations to keep your athletic ability after any amount of lengthening. Height is ultimately causing you to hate life, don't half-ass yourself to try to improve everything, somethings have to go for the greater good.


Should you try to accept your height? Sure. Are any of us who go on this forum able to accept their height knowing that there's a life changing procedure that let's you get rid of the single biggest psychological problem in our life? Not many. Especially considering the fact that Stryde exists and externals aren't necessary anymore- I doubt anyone is not considering LL as a choice to grow taller.

Many people on this forum have gone through therapy- and they will tell you that height dysphoria is something that rarely gets healed from therapy and lives with you throughout your entire life. What you make of these anecdotes is up to you. What I can say is that you should be improving every aspect of your life- even perfecting it- before thinking about going through LL. Otherwise you will come out the other side even worse. I don't think you can actually handle the grueling months of isolation and pain given your medical history as of now. But maybe in the future- if you continue to better yourself.

You want to do it in later 20s eh? Plenty of time. You're 22, you got almost a decade. You quit weed already. You just need to be as honest as possible to your therapist now, and be as honest as possible in your life. Improve yaself, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
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marathonrunner

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2020, 08:49:20 AM »

Geeze, it was that hard for you to make friends because of your height at 5'6?

Are you sure its only your height thats the issue...?

Dude.. I mean.. pre surgery I was 160cm, that is barely 5'3 and I didn't have problems making friends.. and I mean friends from different countries and of different races...

But I'm from a different generation than you. You're about 10 years my junior so maybe its all that social media? I dunno.

And you stated something else. You have long legs with a short torso, bro you're looking to make your legs even longer, even 3cm is going to make them longer than they are now. I guess post surgery what you can do is wear long shirts to make your torso seem longer.

And maybe hit the gym.. it does wonders you know.. both physically and mentally. A little bit (or a lot) of weight training won't hurt.
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NotTallEnough

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2020, 09:16:30 AM »

@marathonrunner

That was as a child. The only person I was taller than in my grade was an actual dwarf... I was several inches under 4 foot at age 9, projected to be like 5'3 or less going by just that height. I had friends, but I'm just saying it was very difficult to make new friends, moving around a lot, eventually settling at a school where I was teased for my height and was physically abused for years because I couldn't fight back. Kids viewed me as an easy target. Imagine going through that everyday for years. Being scared for your safety until you finally get home.


I did do weight training for a few years in high school. Got a decent amount of muscle, gained 35lbs from start to finish. I lost gains since then but even now my baseline is above average. I still do light training, slowly easing back to it. I doubt I'll ever look stocky with my frame but it wouldn't be a bad look for a short guy, just to own that kind of look.

And the short torso is definitely an issue... to the point I'd rather not do LL if it makes me look abnormal. For me height is one component. Definitely the most important component, but to me at least, without proportions it's good for nothing.

I do seem to have better proportions than some people on this site standing at 5'6, but definitely a lower tolerance for how far I'm willing to go. My sitting height is 89-90cm-ish depending on the time of day, inseam is 77cm, armspan 171.5cm (I got weird small fingers though so my arms themselves are quite average in length). My armspan would probably surpass 174cm with normal fingers lol. The other problem Is the width of my body, it's just so narrow that it makes my legs look even longer than they are.

@ghkid2019
I'm not schizophrenic, I just developed a symptom that makes me dissociate from my surroundings, probably because I feel overwhelmed.

On another note, I see from your post history you're still in high school and took an aromatase inhibitor and had an HGH cycle. How's that working for you? Still on it? Any height gains past 2cm? thought about going on that a few years ago but figured it was of no use since my growth velocity was already 0cm for several years. I didn't find out about it until age 19, and my bone age was 18 at age 17 (although people say that wrist xrays dont necessarily reflect the rest of the body) so it was already too late by then I suppose. I started to grow a beard since I was 15, but was unaware of what could be done at the time.

The blood test I had last year showed that my HGH levels were abnormslly low. I was a bit confused since it wasnt a test to measure the pulse of the HGH but my doctor assured me that its indicative of low HGH. I wonder how long that's been going on, I probably want to fix it for reasons other than height.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2020, 09:44:11 AM by NotTallEnough »
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marathonrunner

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #4 on: April 29, 2020, 04:49:06 PM »

Dang you have some mean kids around you. I grew up around LA so I mean guess I was lucky with the diversity around me. But geeze physically abused as a kid? Sounds like one of those 90’s bully movies. I mean have you thought of taking mma classes? Build some muscles learn some different disciplines build some confidence? At least look into Muay Thai for striking and jiujitsu for grappling. You never know you might enjoy it.

Anyways, get a ruler next to your leg, tibia or femur, take photo, photoshop it so you can see how you look at the height you want to achieve. Best to do it with less clothes so you can get an idea of your proportions.

And chin up, having skills, knowledge, personable skills trumps an extra inch in height. You might want to start attacking your psych problems from different angles while you figure out what you want to do with your surgery.
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ghkid2019

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #5 on: April 29, 2020, 06:21:31 PM »

If your plates are closed, which is your case, it won't help. It worked good for me, I stopped because I was in a period of time where I stopped caring about height and wanted the face water retention to come off. If covid lockdowns started in January I would still probably be on it.

And that's besides the point, my point is to you is that you would probably suffer very badly even in comparison to the worst LLers experiences because of your medical history. Isolation for 6 months doesn't sound too swell for a person like you. I think you should address this issue first and consider LL after, this was the whole point of the essay I typed up last night at midnight for you- please read it
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Medium Drink Of Water

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #6 on: April 29, 2020, 07:14:11 PM »

I personally doubt that there's a combination of pills and words that will make you or anyone else in their early 20s stop caring about being looked down upon literally and metaphorically.  Memories of being a victim make you continue to worry about becoming one again, so it's even worse that you were bullied to the extent that you were.

Unfortunatley, a skinny 5'6 guy and a skinny 5'7 guy are equally good targets in most predators' eyes so I don't think your 3cm plan will help.  But fortunately, based on the short duration of time you took the medication and your brother's height, your actions probably stunted your groth less than that even.  So stop blaming your past self for getting you into a situation that you'd be in now anway regardless of what you had done back then.  Think only of the future.

What I've found is that with age comes acceptance, both self-acceptance and from others.  By the time you're in your mid-30s you'll probably stop caring as much about all this superficial stuff.  And when you look older, people who see you will judge you less based on your physical attributes than what you've learned and done with your life.  Most doctors don't even start practicing medicine until their 30s; that's why they tell you it's a mental health problem and why LL is so uncommon.  They can't relate.

You're in a better situation than I was at your age.  You've got a good education, a good job, and can save your money and live a comfortable life.  Being well-proportioned seems out of your reach surgically: do you really want to be 5'7 with super long legs and matching surgical scars that intimate partners will expect you to explain?  But a good life doesn't seem out of your reach non-surgically.  Of course your life would be better if you were naturally tall right now.  Opportunities that would go to a 6' you or even a 5'9 you will go to someone else, but those aren't the only opportunities that are out there.

The world is vast and time is your friend, more than it is most people's.  I think your situation will improve over time.  Patience and willpower are what you need.  The best time of most people's lives is their 20s.  For you it can be your 30s.  It stinks to wait but there's a light at the end of the tunnel and getting to it doesn't require any drastic action on your part.
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NotTallEnough

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #7 on: April 29, 2020, 10:09:02 PM »

@ghkid2019

I gave your reply a more thorough read. I wasn't on growth hormones or had anything done to help me grow. Where are you noticing the new height coming from? I assume the torso? But anyway, in the OP I mentioned all the negative parts of my mind and omitted the positive ones. While I battle this thing, I'm still advancing my career while all my friends dropped out. I'm not worried about potential romantic partners at all; I don't have a good self image but my romantic life hasn't been awful. I'm pretty much in the same situation as others on this site. Currently in a dark place in my life especially with covid-19 but even before it got to this point I had general height neurosis. I used to wear lifts all through grade 11 until I realized how bad it was at treating how I felt.

I think that i would've accepted myself if I didnt have the stupid feeling of "I didnt reach my height potential". I remember being pretty happy until age 15 when I realized I wasn't growing anymore and pointed fingers at accutane. That's when this stupid obsession with height began. Most people around me kept getting taller except for me, but looking back I think I was a little bit biased. I can think of a handful of friends and even my own brother that barely grew at all since age 14, they were already about 6 feet tall and early bloomers like me.

I can try to reason with my brain all day but I can't shake the feeling off. That is why I am going to do CBT to try and help my issue. Having these thoughts non stop for almost a decade slowly took a toll on my mental well being, it seriously crept up on me without noticing. It's also a dumb numbers game in my head, wanting to be within 1 standard variation of average height which coincidentally means that my height needs to be over the 170cm mark. Being 168 just makes me feel weird, not unlike a woman with anorexia feeling horrible about the number on the scale.

Just one of the cons of having OCD. I guess I should just chalk it up to genetics. It was pretty obvious my brother was going to be taller by the time he was 13. He was already at my height (5'6) meanwhile when I was 13 I was barely 5'0. All the other males in my family got lucky and escaped the short genes of my paternal grandfather and my maternal grandmother, but i guess i didn't. I can review these facts all day but it wont make me shake the feeling of hating my image, and I'm aware that this thought process isn't normal in the first place but I feel like I messed my mind up to the point it will be extemely difficult to undo this. I even feel height conscious near my 163cm sister. We can look the same height if I slouch a little, and if my brother stands up straight he looks almost the same height as my dad and has to look down to make eye contact with me.

@MediumDrinkOfWater and @ghkid2019

I thought about my 30s being better before, I hope it's true. I got more insecure about my height because now I don't look young anymore. I never get ID'd when buying booze but when I was 19 I was getting ID'd left and right. I think I pass for late 20s especially with facial hair, but the height doesn't match the face if that makes sense.

I think I have near ideal proportions at my current height, but it won't necessarily be horrible if I do the surgery. I'm not the type of person to do something without thorough research of what I'm getting into. The isolation part is really easy for me. I've been isolating for the last 2 years as a side effect of being depressed and smoking weed, then developing depersonalization and not being able to orient myself when I'm outside and now covid-19 isolation just made it even worse.

I won't even consider it until I'm financially independent and stable and have checked everything off in terms of mental health, physical health, time off work, etc. and I probably won't tell anyone.

The question boils down to whether or not the surgery is worth it. I do only want 3cm on my femurs (at first) because I want a good femur to tibia ratio. Ideally i want to also do 2.5cm on my tibias for a total increase of 5.5-6cm. That will put me in solid 5'8 territory, which I think would have a huge impact on my life. My shortest male cousin is about 173-174cm with super long legs, maybe as long as mine will be post surgery. He looks great and gives off the illusion of being 5'10. There's a photo of us sitting down and honestly we look the exact same height without our legs. Our faces, shoulders, bone width etc. are very similar, but I think his pelvis is wider which makes it work and look proportional. I feel weird for even knowing these facts about him, something has to be not normal in my brain.
« Last Edit: April 29, 2020, 10:45:48 PM by NotTallEnough »
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IwannaBeTaller

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #8 on: April 29, 2020, 11:32:35 PM »

Being well-proportioned seems out of your reach surgically: do you really want to be 5'7 with super long legs and matching surgical scars that intimate partners will expect you to explain?

Is this a typo? Getting to 5'7 wouldn't even require a full inch as he puts himself at a strong 5'6 now. Becoming 2 cm taller would not give him super long legs, or make him disproportionate.
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It's a long way to find peace of mind, peace of mind
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Medium Drink Of Water

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #9 on: April 30, 2020, 04:15:07 PM »

Is this a typo? Getting to 5'7 wouldn't even require a full inch as he puts himself at a strong 5'6 now. Becoming 2 cm taller would not give him super long legs, or make him disproportionate.

2 cm is not a life-changing increase in height, and for someone that already has long legs for their height, why make them look even longer?

But it all depends on a lot of factors.

Quote
My shortest male cousin is about 173-174cm with super long legs, maybe as long as mine will be post surgery. He looks great and gives off the illusion of being 5'10. There's a photo of us sitting down and honestly we look the exact same height without our legs. Our faces, shoulders, bone width etc. are very similar, but I think his pelvis is wider which makes it work and look proportional. I feel weird for even knowing these facts about him, something has to be not normal in my brain.

If he looks good at that height, and if you'd be proportional with him, then it's probably not an issue anyway.  :)
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precice strider

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #10 on: April 30, 2020, 09:33:55 PM »

If you're sure that Accutane stunted your growth, you can try going to Dr. Rozbruch. I hear that unlike other doctors, he tries to find excuses to make insurance cover the surgery, including hormonal deficiencies.

http://www.limblengthening.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/STATURE-2019.pdf



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Height dysphoria since 2008. (age 5)
Hoping to undergo STRYDE 8cm femurs when I can afford it.
164 cm with a wingspan of 166cm
Goal: 5'7.5 (172+) or taller, but hopefully 5'8 (173)
https://www.instagram.com/precice_strider/

dreamingtall

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #11 on: May 01, 2020, 03:19:48 AM »

Hey dude you sound very similar to me.... power hour that crap and get the dough to get this done. thats my plan... peddle to the meddle no looking back
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Starting Height: 170.68cm; Goal Height: 182cm in two separate operations (^8cm Femurs, ^5cm Tibias)

NotTallEnough

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #12 on: May 01, 2020, 03:57:53 AM »

If you're sure that Accutane stunted your growth, you can try going to Dr. Rozbruch. I hear that unlike other doctors, he tries to find excuses to make insurance cover the surgery, including hormonal deficiencies.

http://www.limblengthening.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/STATURE-2019.pdf

It probably didn't even stunt my height by a centimeter, but we will never know for sure. Accutane has a higher affinity to close the growth plates in the lower limbs and I don't think I'm lacking in leg growth. I took a low dose for only about 2 months and probably missed doses often. I was about 5'4 and puberty was just about Tanner 5, yet I still managed to squeeze out a good 2 inches afterwards. I probably just take after my 5'1 mom while my taller brother looks very similar to my dad. Just a genetic difference I guess. Still sucks being the shortest male in my whole family across 2 generations.

I do have low HGH as of a blood test that came back last year. I wonder how long I've had it like that, because it was very high when I was 11. Trying to get it sorted out for reasons other than height but my doctor keeps deflecting my issues. He's the same doctor that just shrugged off my height concerns when I was a teen.

I would like to do a small surgery to bring me up 3-4cm kinda like this picture. This guy has proportions similar to me and his natural height is almost like mine. I know it's not a lot and most of you think it won't help but I beg to differ. I am very aware of my thoughts and understand that this small height increase will make me feel complete. I don't care that it's still kinda short, I'm really doing this for my self image not for the way others perceive me.



I view leg lengthening for me as the last resort right now. I am still quite young and don't want to make rash decisions before my sense of self / brain is done developing. I hope this will just end with me accepting myself the way I am and moving on. I don't have the data to back it up but I'm sure the amount of people insecure about their height/image has skyrocketed in the new generation because of social media.

If therapy doesn't help after a few years then I know you guys will be waiting for me over here  :)
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marathonrunner

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #13 on: May 01, 2020, 08:19:13 AM »

Is that you on the left? Or is that a different person who did LL and its a before/after of that person?

I mean if those are your proportions (left image).. those legs dont look oddly long compared to the torso (according to the photo)
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NotTallEnough

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #14 on: May 01, 2020, 09:29:20 AM »

Is that you on the left? Or is that a different person who did LL and its a before/after of that person?

I mean if those are your proportions (left image).. those legs dont look oddly long compared to the torso (according to the photo)

That is a different person. F it.. I'll just post myself.

Made a thread: http://www.limblengtheningforum.com/index.php?topic=65044.msg173725#msg173725
« Last Edit: May 01, 2020, 10:49:15 AM by NotTallEnough »
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s818181

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #15 on: May 01, 2020, 10:51:57 AM »

If you're sure that Accutane stunted your growth, you can try going to Dr. Rozbruch. I hear that unlike other doctors, he tries to find excuses to make insurance cover the surgery, including hormonal deficiencies.

http://www.limblengthening.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/STATURE-2019.pdf

Wouldn't you have to have dwarfism or very severe growth stunting for him to get insurance to cover it? I doubt he would do that for most people, it'd get dismissed as an excuse for most normally short heights. This guy is 168cm, still short but I doubt he could get any insurance coverage for LL at that height.
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shep

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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #16 on: July 26, 2020, 03:10:28 PM »

I personally doubt that there's a combination of pills and words that will make you or anyone else in their early 20s stop caring about being looked down upon literally and metaphorically.  Memories of being a victim make you continue to worry about becoming one again, so it's even worse that you were bullied to the extent that you were.

Unfortunatley, a skinny 5'6 guy and a skinny 5'7 guy are equally good targets in most predators' eyes so I don't think your 3cm plan will help.  But fortunately, based on the short duration of time you took the medication and your brother's height, your actions probably stunted your groth less than that even.  So stop blaming your past self for getting you into a situation that you'd be in now anway regardless of what you had done back then.  Think only of the future.

What I've found is that with age comes acceptance, both self-acceptance and from others.  By the time you're in your mid-30s you'll probably stop caring as much about all this superficial stuff.  And when you look older, people who see you will judge you less based on your physical attributes than what you've learned and done with your life.  Most doctors don't even start practicing medicine until their 30s; that's why they tell you it's a mental health problem and why LL is so uncommon.  They can't relate.

You're in a better situation than I was at your age.  You've got a good education, a good job, and can save your money and live a comfortable life.  Being well-proportioned seems out of your reach surgically: do you really want to be 5'7 with super long legs and matching surgical scars that intimate partners will expect you to explain?  But a good life doesn't seem out of your reach non-surgically.  Of course your life would be better if you were naturally tall right now.  Opportunities that would go to a 6' you or even a 5'9 you will go to someone else, but those aren't the only opportunities that are out there.

The world is vast and time is your friend, more than it is most people's.  I think your situation will improve over time.  Patience and willpower are what you need.  The best time of most people's lives is their 20s.  For you it can be your 30s.  It stinks to wait but there's a light at the end of the tunnel and getting to it doesn't require any drastic action on your part.

Hope this is true... hahaha. I've been thinking lately if my desire to do LL is because of a rash decision since I'm only 19 now and whether I should just go on living as a 5.3" lad instead of getting a surgery that would put me in manageable tho considerable debt.


There's no point in fretting about the past when there's not a single person to blame and obviously this won't magically change your mind but it's something to think about. The more you try to think about what "could've," frankly you are just drinking more poison and killing your brain cells for spilling milk.

You're right, you are a subpar candidate for LL right now. People who have become the most satisfied with LL are already successful people in multiple aspect of their lives- I'm talking about people like Movie, Purushrottam, InFullStryde, OverrideYourGenetics (even told all his family and friends before doing the surgery), DoingItForMe, Iamready...

These people have their life set in order pre-surgery, they had the income and had strong social fabrics- they weren't overly depressed about their height and most didn't have general anxiety or depersonalization or whatever crazy schizophernic   you have- they simply felt that they needed to cure their height neurosis and this was the only step they could do. I don't know if you're like them or not, but I assume you are in a darker situation, given your substance abuse and heavy depression.

About expectations, it's very likely you won't be satisfied with a 3 cm increase. I will be quite honest that you will still look at yourself as short, 5' 7 is not very different that 5' 6. You go from 15th percentile to 25th percentile. My opinion, but you will still have height dysphoria. 3cm flat out won't fix your mind. Again, my opinion.

I think you should trash your expectations to keep your athletic ability after any amount of lengthening. Height is ultimately causing you to hate life, don't half-ass yourself to try to improve everything, somethings have to go for the greater good.


Should you try to accept your height? Sure. Are any of us who go on this forum able to accept their height knowing that there's a life changing procedure that let's you get rid of the single biggest psychological problem in our life? Not many. Especially considering the fact that Stryde exists and externals aren't necessary anymore- I doubt anyone is not considering LL as a choice to grow taller.

Many people on this forum have gone through therapy- and they will tell you that height dysphoria is something that rarely gets healed from therapy and lives with you throughout your entire life. What you make of these anecdotes is up to you. What I can say is that you should be improving every aspect of your life- even perfecting it- before thinking about going through LL. Otherwise you will come out the other side even worse. I don't think you can actually handle the grueling months of isolation and pain given your medical history as of now. But maybe in the future- if you continue to better yourself.

You want to do it in later 20s eh? Plenty of time. You're 22, you got almost a decade. You quit weed already. You just need to be as honest as possible to your therapist now, and be as honest as possible in your life. Improve yaself, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.

This is pretty relatable... I drove myself into mental hell thinking about what went wrong when I was younger as I often slept late studying and didnt have the best diet. Irrationally, I resented my family for not giving me more attention for possible hgh treatment and all the 'what-if' possibilities. Or why my ancestors wasn't taller, or if I ate more, or If i slept more.... you get the idea. But it's really like 'drinking poison' and getting into a spiral of self pity and self hate.

Maybe I'll have to set my life together first before getting the surgery. Definitely gotta improve myself. Perhaps Ill get LL in the late 20s as well. I'm not sure yet. But thanks for the insights.
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Re: Height dysphoria psychological issues
« Reply #17 on: July 27, 2020, 02:35:34 PM »

Quote
Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed and anxious that you may avoid many social situations.

This only applies when you are 5'9" or above and feel the way you do. But if you're 5'6", you have valid reasons for your feelings towards your height. Especially with a much taller father.
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