Yesterday, when having lunch with my family, my aunt said something to me out of the blue that made me contemplate.
"I have a business partner whose two sons are incredibly small, even shorter than their sister. You are nothing compared to them."
So by saying that I am nothing compared to those two sons of her business partner in terms of smallness/shortness, she might have meant it as some kind of an encouragement. But anyone with half a brain knows that it's in a way an insult. I thought about it for a moment, but then I realized, what difference did it make? Nothing has changed because it. My height is still exactly X'Y" the same as before. And that what I should focus on is fixing the height itself which is where the true problem lies, instead of worrying about how others perceive me at this point. I always knew it all along, but as if I did not want it to be true. Good thing is that I left the lunch table amicably.
And here I am. Last year, I was determined to do LL. Now, I'm a year older, and not getting any closer to LL. My old friend got me involved in a bad investment and basically it didn't work out the way he promised it to be. I was depressed and stop thinking about LL for a while. I really regret that I did not plan it all when I was younger. 10 years ago, I lived in denial and did not even want to admit that I am short, that I was in a serious problem. I thought if I just didn't acknowledge the problem, it will, at some point in my life, go away. And now 10 years later, it turns out to me that height is a lot more crucial that I thought it was back then.
I feel dead when I bury the idea of LL. I guess I was never in it 100% back then and even now, I have lots of doubts. But not long ago, I woke up one morning, and I suddenly realized that
I simply can't accept the idea of being the height I am now for the rest of my life, and probably never will. Being rich won't get me to be what I want to be, and neither will being a president. Once I re-opened the possibility of LL again, I felt on fire, motivated, alive.
Back then, I thought it'd be better if I just dedicated my life for earning money for LL. Technically, the more money I make, the closer I get to LL. Now, I probably want to pursue my passion and keep living while pursuing LL at the same time. This comes directly, at a price, though. I make less money since I devote more time for other things. At least, I'm not so depressed anymore.