Thanks a lot for the honest answer... Just few questions more...
How was your cardiac arrest operated upon?
Would ultrasound done weekly/fortnightly reduce chances of blood clotting?
Blood clots would have been there for long but you suffered this just the day on which you took medication, so does it not seem it is solely due to medication?
Also the differences in symptoms would be there if cardiac arrest was due to PE vs medication...in first case you would feel suffocation and sharp pain while in other you would be not be feeling much... Can you please ask your doctor or search Google for the same. How cardiac arrest was operated upon would also give better idea.
Would you still recommend CLL to others after all this incident.
You went to work very early, does it have to do anything with this scary experience?
Thanks in advance!
Hey, I mentioned it earlier, my neighbor did CPR on me and that's how my heart went back to beating and I started breathing again. When the paramedics came I was already breathing but I was still unconscious. I don't know if that's what you asked but that's all I know regarding what happened prior to the ambulance.
About the ultrasound, yes, it definitely would've helped, but I'd never do it because I had no clue I had blood clots. Dr Mahboubian was pretty sure that it was just inflammation because of the surgery so I never thought I actually developed a blood clot. Finding it was at least one good outcome of this traumatic experience.
And I prefer to think that it was solely due to the medication because at least I know I have control over it. But there were two doctors seeing me in ICU and they diverged in opinion regarding that, so I'll never know for sure, but I do believe and prefer to believe and will keep believing it was because of the meds. And I'm already in treatment for the blood clots. Also, they took an X-Ray of my chest and it didn't show pieces of blood clot, so they were either gone or it just makes it even more clear that it was indeed only the meds. I don't think I ever had PE.
And yes, I didn't feel anything regarding the symptoms, I was unconscious the whole time. I went from a heavy sleep state (probably because of the meds) to having my mind abruptly shutdown (because of the cardiac arrest) without ever waking up, so I just recall going to bed and then waking up in ambulance. Didn't feel anything.
Yes, I'd recommend CLL because right now I don't feel sad all the time about my height, it really eliminated a very bad part of me. I had this neurosis since I'm a kid, and it made me the person I am (which I don't regret), but it had to go. I was tired of feeling socially anxious because of my height every time I went in public. I admire short people that don't feel like that and embrace it and can live their lives happy no matter how tall they are, but I was not one of them and there wasn't any amount of therapy that would make me feel good about being short. I blamed it for affecting me professionally and emotionally, and it was the only thing about me that I always felt needed a fix. I don't regret fixing it despise all the bad outcomes. Of course, if 3 months ago you told me "you will get very close to death because of your own irresponsibility and you'll need to be VERY lucky to get another chance", then I'd opt to live my life without this risk rather than do this surgery. But how can I not recommend CLL when I'm sure that this experience was because of my own negligence and recklessness? Other than that, what are the bad outcomes that I feel I'll take for life? Probably a loss of sensation on my lower left leg nerves, in the shin area. Would I trade that sensation for the added 2.75"? Hell yes. I'd do it again. I'm already getting over it and the sensation might eventually come back, Dr. Mahboubian told me that most of his patients get the sensation back in less than an year. If I get it back, then I won't have any bad outcomes. If I don't, that's a bad outcome I'm ok with. What else? Blood clots. Again, almost no one has it. I think I never read a diary from Dr. Mahboubian or Dr. Paley's patients in which they reported a blood clot. In that sense I think I was either unlucky or did something reckless once again. By now I'm starting to think that I did a bunch of things wrong. Maybe I thought I was exercising a lot but I actually needed more. Maybe I spent more time sitting than I should have. In any case, those are things that vary from person to person and you can always be extra safe and, if you have the symptoms, which I had but I wasn't sure if it was the clots, then do ultrasounds more often. I could have insisted to investigate it again and asked for an ultrasound order but it just never crossed my mind this would be a possibility. I said this before but I'm pretty sure that any doctor will look at your age, gender, symptoms, test results, etc. and compare it against some chart when deciding if you have something or deserve a second batch of exams. So you look at a 25yo whose tests for blood clots were negative, and he's describing a major swelling and pain in the thighs, you might as well think it's just an inflammation. So yeah, I don't blame Dr. Mahboubian, I can understand where his reasoning was coming from and if I only knew more about blood clots, I would have insisted. My dad insisted for me to ask him but I didn't take my dad seriously and didn't insist. You know your body better than anyone else, don't ever neglect it and always emphasize on how bad you're feeling. If you're not getting the answers you want, it's up to you to insist, or even go to your primary care and ask for an ultrasound. Anyways, the last thing I'd mention is athletic ability, but it's too early for me to debate on this. Soon enough I'll know how I am in that area but I'm sure I'll get most of it back with time.
TL;DR: no, I don't regret doing CLL, I think it was the best thing I've ever done to improve my mental health. It's not for everyone, only a few people have the guts to actually go and do it but if you have the courage and the need, if your height is something that has bothered you your whole life and prevents you from living fully, then go and do it, hopefully it will work out fine for you. Three things that I would have told myself before the surgery if I could, though. First, DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GOING TO 8CM! It's f*cking risky! If you wanna go extreme then do 7.5cm and do another f*cking surgery later on in life, but try your best to stay safe and listen to not only your doctor, but your own body -- I didn't go to 8cm but I also think I went above the safe threshold. Second, don't rely on the success rate of other patients or diaries and think that you'll be safe; in the end, age can indeed matter in terms of how fast you recovery, but you can f*ck up your recovery at any age, and it's not because you read 50 diaries where patients went through it without major obstacles that you'll also face few or none of them, the way you deal with recovery and the amount of effort and focus you put into it will really be the most important factors in a smooth recovery. And third: TAKE 16 WEEKS LEAVE! PRIORITIZE YOUR G*DAMN HEALTH! Leave work in a second plan if you really wanna go through this; I
could take 16 weeks and it would be illegal to get fired because of that, but I just wanted to be an "exemplary" employee and took too few weeks off; and even after almost dying, even after having my manager telling me that it was ok to extend my leave by many more weeks to handle that, still I decided to work; yes, it was important to me because I wanted to get my head off things, but if I followed this advice in the first place then none of this would've ever happened.
And regarding going back to work after this scary experience: yes, it has everything to do with it. At home, despite my requests for my parents to stop talking about what happened, they never stopped. My dad was constantly talking about it and from time to time he would complain about how reckless I was to me and my mom (and yes, I knew that, I was telling that to myself 24/7). And my mom would cry and get nervous and also talk about it, and call her friends and cry on the phone. Even when we agreed to "no more talking about this for just 2 hours" and went out to do something, at any given moment where we saw an ambulance or someone in a wheelchair or some pharmacy or something remotely related to what happened, they would bring up the subject again. I'm not blaming them, they had their reasons and God knows what they've been through, but I needed to get this out of my mind. So yeah, I got discharged on Wednesday and got back to work on the Monday after, and I knew I needed more time to recover emotionally but it would be much easier to recover on work rather than home. At least I'd have more than 8 hours daily when I didn't have to think about how my stupidity almost killed me and traumatized my parents for good.