Hi everyone,
It's been a while. Apologies for not updating you on my last A&E incident. Since it was the 2nd time it's happened to me, I decided to film the entire episode so that you'll get a front row seat of an unexpected complication and how it unfolds.
I was about to leave on vacation when I got up from my sofa to feed my cat. I heard a tear like paper being ripped in half and felt an explosion of pain near the bottom pin of my right nail, next to the knee. I couldn't move the leg an inch without blinding pain and I could see a portrusion bulging from under the skin. I was haunted by PTSD from when my left leg broke following the initial surgery (when Guichet cracked my femur) and he didn't see me for 4 days while I drifted in and out of delirium.
Like a seasoned pro this time around, I called the ambulance, splinted my leg w a crutch, lowered myself to the floor and crawled to open my door, between shrieks and howls of pain. It took about 3 hours by which time my boyfriend arrived with icepacks to provide relief. I nodded off from sheer exertion and woke up to 'frostbite'. In my hyperventilating panic and confusion, I had accidentally applied icepacks directly onto my skin without any safety sleeves/towels in between. Hence, I name myself a clear winner of the Ice & Salt challenge, and potentially, a Darwin Awards contender too.
When the paramedics finally arrived, same drill, I begged them to take me to Kings College instead of the closest hospital and by the time I was finally xrayed, almost 12 hours had passed. I was soooooo lucky to bump into the same kind doctors at Kings who saw the results and quickly reassured me that I didn't have any nail breakage nor bone fracture. So what was the bulge and the excruciating pain? I was treated for burns since my leg darkened in colour and giant blisters started bubbling up.
By the time I was discharged, I hadn't eaten for 30 hours. A&E starved me deliberately with no food/water in case they needed to perform emergency surgery. My xrays show trauma where the pain emanated and my docs think it could be soft tissue tear. I'm due for an ultrasound soon to better understand what really happened. At least I'm not crazy, delusional or a raging hyperchondriac.
The best news is, I finally got a sneak peek of my right leg (bone grafted) non-union area and it looks like NHS has set a record for successfully bridging an impossible 10cm gaping hole. I posted the progress on
https://www.instagram.com/unicorn_gets_taller/ I went in to get another xray yesterday and half the femur is now almost consolidated bone. The inner side where the graft didn't reach still has nothing, proving that Guichet's lengthening speed, runaway nail and 'marrow' injection are precarious, negligent and an epic f**kup. The NHS docs told me that usually, if fusion happens on half the femur when the grafting works, it will eventually wrap around 360 degrees.
So that's it! I've probably spent the last 60 days going through emotional hell with my family and friends. I have now seen how true adages like 'no good deed goes unpunished' and 'you're as good as your last ____' are, because when it comes right down to seeking help and receiving it, I realize sadly that most people let me down.
I can't even begin to describe every single disappointment but I guess, that's the harsh reality of being human. For a while, I dedicated a lot of time and energy helping out every single LLer who contacted me but as of late, all I've seen are people who'd stay in touch only in times of need, and who'd vanish when I'm of no more use. I went through some rough emotional patches and inevitably reached breaking point. I have no emotional bandwidth left to deal with more drama. So I guess, that's a good thing. I'm learning about boundaries (they don't teach that in Asia).
During my trip to Singapore, I had met up with one of my Guichet CLL classmates and in hindsight, we all concluded that we would have NEVER done this surgery if we weren't mis-sold Guichet's 3-month miraculous recovery promise. Up to this day, the 3 of us are not fully healed, 2+ years later - that's how bad his misrepresentation is.
I sincerely wish I could open my heart and tell you all that my lawyers and I have discovered of Guichet, and I cannot wait for that day to arrive when truth reigns. Even as we classmates compare notes, we reel in disbelief at the lack of scruples and blatant greed this charlatan epitomize. I pray and hope nobody else suffers in his hands as there are safer and easier ways to lengthen your legs today.
CLL is absolutely nothing you should be ashamed of. We all have insecurities, and if you desire to improve your height, you reserve EVERY right and respect for your decision. Do not accept any SHAMING because you have the courage to forge a constructive path to realize your dream. No coward and hypocrite should be allowed to cast hurtful judgements at you.
I'm blabbering on a Saturday night, but that's the sad reality of my life these days. Hanging on to wisps of hope from my abyss. I long to not have this rot in my heart but these years of suffering have somehow tinged my views of everything several shades darker.