Hi everyone,
A small update... I've been suffering nonstop from deep bone aches in the grafted area and the doc says it's a good sign that the calluses/bones might be bridging. That said, I'll know in my next xray IF my bone graft on my right leg works out.
In the meantime, I have been stretching myself nonstop to remove my lordosis and to strengthen my glutes so that I can walk like a normal person and not like the living dead (especially when I'm drooling and panting too due to exhaustion). I swear, children see me on the street and they shriek and cry. I feel like the evil clown in the horror movie 'IT'.
I still have weekly PT sessions at Kings College and I'm quite touched that they run an exchange programme with a Palestinian hospital. So there is a guest PT who is here to gather experience to bring back to Palestine and I so wish one day I can give back to Kings (esp the Guthrie Ward and Trauma/Limb Reconstruction dept) and to the Palestinian hospital. I'm just so touched that there are people out there to whom I actually matter and cares that I can one day rebuild my life.
Anyway, since this was my 4th surgery, I'm now a surgery veteran. I packed my trustee pee funnel and Ziplock bags so that I don't need to struggle to pee on a bedpan (trust me, lifting your ass high enough post-surgery, to pee on the pan without spilling is a circus stunt in itself - why can't they just make a hole in the bed/mattress, so we can just GO whenever we want), stumble/crutch myself to the bathroom while high on Fentanyl or have a catheter attached to my ... (high risk of UTI). Hence, with my ZIPLOCK pee funnel system, I get to drink (water) as much as I want, keep myself hydrated and never worry about the complex mechanics of post-op peeing.
So what I did (as a compliant patient) is to dump these full pee bags into the Biohazard bin but little did I know, my Ziplock bags are not the authentic ones, they're from Morrisons (thanks Amazon!) so they LEAK and are not water tight. So by morning, my entire room is flooded with pee. The first day it happened, I was so embarrassed as the nurses were confused. They sent a plumber over to look for leaks and I kept super mummmmm. I wasn't going to confess to my pee habit.
Second day, when I woke up, I think my nurse used a gondola to row to my bed. This time around, a good friend visited and brought flowers in a bag of water (no vase). So I left the flowers on top of the Biohazard bin, punched a tiny hole in the water bag and blamed the flooding of the room to her flowers. My poor friend... the 3rd day she came to visit me, the head nurse gave her a thorough scolding about bringing flowers without vases...
During my first 3 surgeries with my previous doctor and hospitals, I wasn't given sufficient painkillers, hence, suffered a lot of pain. At Kings College Hospital, they're quite hilarious, they had me on morphine the whole time and hence, I suffered very little discomfort. Actually, most of the time, I was high thanks to.... OPIOIDs.
After 2 weeks on syrupy sweet morphine, I decided that I should get myself off it lest I get addicted. So I stopped cold turkey and that just killed me. I never realized all those drug rehab movies are for real : heart palpitations, short term memory loss, deep depression (crying for no reason), anxiety, shivering in the heat of summer, waking up completely drenched in cold sweat, achy joints, headaches, nightmares, itchy skin, nausea, diarrhea and dry mouth.
When I saw my surgeon/nurses for the first time 2 weeks post surgery, they were all laughing at me because they said only stupid people would quit morphine cold turkey. One is supposed to wean oneself off slowly (hey! I never got that memo!). I was super curious during my 4th surgery at Kings, so I was requesting for morphine, fentanyl, oxycodone, oxycontin, percocet and whatever drugs that are Level 3 painkillers etc and it was quite fun coz we were laughing all the time (at least that was how I remembered it) and apparently, I was an incoherent chatterbox. Now I know why there's an opioid epidemic, it makes you HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!! And for that elusive moment when you're high, you escape the sad state of affairs in your life.
Anyway, so here I am, trying to rebuild my life, trying to make it to the end of each day productively/positively, willing myself to not fall into the vortex of self hatred and validating my existence by helping other CLLers who contact me with questions and second opinions. I really believe now that LL can be executed safely and successfully for everyone. Just GO SLOW, watch your calluses and STRETCH.
I've been in touch with many CLLers now, potential and current, where they are as badly informed as we were about the recovery period. Remember, lengthening your bones is quite a linear process. But your soft tissues like quads, hamstrings, psoas and IT bands will be badly strained. And THAT takes a lot of time to lengthen/recover before you regain your normal walking gait again. You'll need to build back your muscles, regain stamina and your body needs to relearn coordination with your longer limbs. Trust me, these take a lot of time and for me, to recover from a runaway 10cm nail is quite miraculous (probably thanks to my hypermobility tissue/collagen) because my male classmates who lengthened only 5cm are still struggling to stand up straight or keep their legs together.
I would like to make a little video soon of why and how the body mechanics work when your bones are longer than your soft tissues. The CLL docs seem to ignore this part and concentrate only on bone lengthening (and hopefully fusing). But if you take a marionette doll and make the legs longer, you'll see that the legs will automatically spread apart because the IT band (which runs along the side of each leg) is now too short for the longer legs. The marionette will start hunching too because the quads/hamstrings/psoas are now too short; so the marionette will be pulled forward by short quads and hip flexors/psoas (anterior pelvis tilt) and toes/legs might turn inwards. Try to imagine it this way and you'll understand the struggles of post lengthening soft tissue rehabilitation.
Anyway, my 2 cents for today since I get a lot of questions regarding wide legs, duckass, valgus and non-union. It's not just a matter of lengthening too much, it's more a matter of lengthening TOO FAST. Once the calluses are separated, they just give up trying to fuse. That's why you wanna make sure it's constantly bridging (I put my left leg fusion progress on my instagram and that was lengthened very slowly at 0.3-0.5mm per day myself and no lengthening 1 week post-surgery), hence, SLOW is SAFE. And ensuring that you discipline yourself to stretch your soft tissues to match your new height.
We were ALL under the impression that it was normal not to have calluses while we were clicking to lengthen and the MOMENT we stopped lengthening (reached our height goals), our bones would magically consolidate. We were so NAIVE to believe this load of BS when to this very day - we're not all fully recovered yet, 2 years post CLL. My surgery was July 25, 2016.
https://www.instagram.com/unicorn_gets_taller/?hl=en