Hi Unicorn,
I truly do empathize with you. From reading your diary; you definitely don't strike me as been dumb or full hardy. I think its easy to disillusioned ourselves when making such decisions; I think we all have to some degree in order to rationalize our decision to go though the procedure.
I wish you the very best.
Thank you 4"
I think perhaps the closest example for anyone who's contemplating this surgery to imagine how it feels like when things go wrong is akin to being cheated by a tradesman when you're renovating your home.
You think you've been so careful about choosing the right contractor to renovate your house, and you've saved up for years to afford yourself a brand new kitchen and bathroom. You definitely know what you want.
And your contractor comes highly recommended by others. He has even shown you an amazing portfolio of completed homes and promised you a great timeline. You are already imagining throwing a party and your friends are admiring your new home a short 3 months from now. You gladly wire your payment over.
And before you know it, not only has he not renovated your house, but there's sudden flooding, leaking gas pipe and a mini electrical fire. He's adamant it's not his fault, these problems were "always there waiting to rupture". So, unless you pay him more to repair these first, he cannot start the cosmetic renovations. So you throw good money after bad and hope for the best.
Except things get worse and you've now affected your neighbors' water and septic pipes as well, and their lawyers are hounding you around the clock. You try to reach your contractor to solve these asap but of course, he is now nowhere to be found.
Who feels like a mug now? I do because irregardless, I chose the contractor, I voluntarily handed over my life savings to him and I BLAME MYSELF for getting cheated.
The anger and betrayal you feel totally consumes you beyond your broken home. It haunts your every waking moment and sometimes when you're truly in pain do you ironically find relief... because for that one brief moment, you're not deriding yourself for being so stupid. Pain becomes your escape.
You don't trust anyone anymore and your confidence is all shaken up. You're pissed off at your own vanity for wanting a prettier house to show off to your friends. You start questioning all your decisions in life.
Above all else, you can't forgive yourself for letting this happen especially if you end up losing your home too.