J+50
Height Gained : 6.1cm / 164.6cmHi everyone,
I'm so sorry I haven't written in such a long time. It's been terribly painful since I'm technically less than 1 week post-op (again!) and have to go through the over-medication, legs on fire, endless corridors of xray, dexa, doc appointments, yanking, back to Dante's Inferno!
Did I fare any better this time at the hospital? Yes, no heart palpitation and felt right at home. First thing I did was nick their posh toiletries
. Surgery scheduled at 9am, my BFF from Amsterdam came for 10 days to support. By the way, LL hack, genius BFF made me poo before surgery, wow helps after surgery - less pressure! But all that ingenuity went down the drain when she dressed me and covered my head in one of those paper shower caps - and everyone I passed on the way to the operating theatre were stifling their laughter
... It was my freaking disposable UNDERWEAR. Thanks a lot Bridget Jones, they make disposable ones in honour of you.
Marked a GIANT X on the fractured leg in case doc gets confused... (but when I got out of surgery, I noticed my other leg was marked O like tic tac toe - cheeky doc) got wheeled down to the operating theatre, anaesthetist recognised me (good, I'm a frequent flyer now) and we had a good laugh before ZzzzZZzzzzZzz... damned, I never get to see what goes on and I forgot his joke, it's always a good dirty one as nobody ever remembers after!
Doc told my friend, surgery is minor, he's going to shave my curved femur and renail existing G-nail into a more stable site but closer to my knee. Was slated to be out at 11am and I was still missing by 3pm. My panicked friend ran around the hospital frantically looking for me, and discovered there's a LOST & FOUND for patients (creepy much?)... and there I was on some covered gurney in the corridor, with a toe tag (ok kidding!).
Since I'm a surgery veteran, I made a deal with doc and the anaesthetist - I got the royal treatment, morphine pump (yeah, 99x before it runs out) and a morphine patch! Am I Kate or what? I did exit the hospital with an Alexander McQueen shift dress albeit to no paparazzi except my eager beaver BFF who took sooo many unflattering photos of me drooling in pain and delirium.
Great to have a friend around, we spent all day laughing (and she ate all my food) and due to my stubborn-ess NOT to have a catheter inserted, I peed all over myself again and again (not deliberately of course). If it were deliberate, I would aim well the next time Doc G yanks me. Even the nurses gave up re-changing the sheets (or maybe because I should tip them?). Then they put me in a geriatric incontinence diaper swearing up and down that it has magic absorbing crystals (ooh kitty litter), and I'd be as dry as a pampers kid and clean as a squid. Well off I go, and I can tell you, I was wading in a nice paddle pool the next morning!!!!!!!!!! Maybe it's only effective when you're 90+
Anyway, the consequences of marinating in my own juices is I developed such a terrible rash, I was red, raw and resembled Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence minus the looks, the body, the blue colour and general hotness scale - same color eyes and skin texture though). Doc preferred that I passed the night as it was quite painful to get your bone shaved (hats off to all Miss Korea's!!!). Doc G did come visit but I pretended to die, the ECG was flatlining, so he didn't bother yanking. Rigor mortis = not flexible. Doesn't meet his 130 degree minimum requirement.
He came back early next day and I begged and begged him not to yank my legs and he said, no no, it's too fragile as the pin is close to my knees and my bones are glass right now (phew! hah! All that drama for nothing). He said, I'll be xrayed, checked out, etc and can be released after lunch. AND... I thought wow, my lucky day! I got away with murder, no yanking... until my BFF asked the doc earnestly, "but can she fold her legs, can you show us how to do it?" Doc G literally turned his heels around like Fred Astaire and gleefully, yanked! I can tell you, with BFF's like these... I have NO enemies!
Now, the BAD news... yes, I lost the 3cm on my G-nail and now I've to wait about 3 months for my bones to fully heal before he re-breaks my femur again (rod's already in so he said, it's easy peasy, can be done while waiting at the bus stop, and if you should get hit by bus, insurance will cover), so that I can RE-START my lengthening process on my left leg
and on top of that, because it was clicked to 3cm before fracture, there's only 7cm left in the G-Nail to lengthen unless I want to remove and reinsert an entire new nail (no thanks!). So I've made an executive decision, 7cm IT IS. I'll never be a 5'6" pint size super model gracing Swimsuit Illustrated, but ok, there are other goals in life. Like being Mystique's ugly dumpy sister.
Ok, ok, I still haven't cried yet. The way I see it, my classmates both have stopped early as they cldn't deal with the pain (and guys, I'm telling you MANY TIMES again, don't UNDERESTIMATE the pain. It's not the clicking, it's your BODY dealing with the ordeal and all the side effects, and your soft tissues, muscles stretching, over medication, immobility, everything you take for granted is HARD etc, and rebuilding of bones and regaining flexibility and resuming normal life. I'm not defending Guichet's nail or Precise or Fitbone or Toothpick or Bamboo Stick - what I'm saying is - PREPARE FOR PAIN. It might not come from your leg (and it usually doesn't). It's the over medication, you're so immobile, it takes FOREVER to butt crawl from one end of the bed to the other to do a simple task and it feels like you've just ran a marathon (or chased by a T-rex according to some), so think about the endless xray tables you have to climb onto and pose in weird angles - they HURT like mad.
I could not be warned enough by speaking to LL vets before this and I can tell you, I didn't believe them - what pussies I thought! Even a taxi ride home from an appointment, you're stuck in traffic, and the car's braking and trundling, you really wish you could die - your legs are immobile and it hurts soooooooo much, you're begging the cab driver not to take a sharp turn or brake sporadically as your bones slam around and you can't control them. Crying ain't gonna help. I actually carry a rosary with me now and I chant and chant so that I can zone out (and I'm the Easter/Xmas church goer at best)
Anyway, other right leg (my beloved) has been behaving well. Doc allowed me to continue at 1mm per day and I had little to no pain because of my flexibility. But I'm losing the flexibility quite quickly now. Doc yanked me and I went from 180 degrees to only 110 degrees legs stretched up and towards my head. Doc was disappointed (!)
No more karma sutra.
That's it for now. I'm sure I've lots more to write but honestly, the last 2 weeks have been preoccupied with pill taking, clicking, exercising, trying to eat, pee&poo, trying to sleep, changing bandages and PAIN, shortness of breadth, nausea, all the symptoms of Post Op 101.
I really really do hope that in 2 weeks' time, my fractured leg would have stabilised (less shaved-bone legs on fire) and I would also have finished clicking to 7cm on my right leg (UNBELIEVABLE). It's honestly quite a short process to gain so much height. I do tower of my BFF who's 161cm and I was always so jealous in high school, muahahaha! Every girl tells me it's just like child birth, you'll soon forget about the 9 months of hell and remember the push present... oops! I meant, you'll only remember seeing your child for the first time (I'll savour the moment I get to see everyone's bald patch! Hah!). Second executive decision, I'm surrogating twins, LL is my pregnancy experience, thank you very much. I ain't your mama! Any non-Zika volunteers, please PM me. Project 2018 according to my horoscope.
I'm not allowed to go to the gym or the Isokinetic centre to minimise risk... it's like NO SCHOOL or SNOW DAY every day! I'm so happy to be working out by myself at home
and binging on The Good Wife (I'm in love with Will Gardner, he's soooooo my type!). And because my bedroom faces Hyde Park, the sun's helped my mood a lot, I pretend to be luxuriating on a superyacht (righto! with Will by my side whispering sexy legalese in my ear... where's my...)
Voila! I'm sure to have lots of random thoughts and rants for you, but in the meantime, thanks so much for your concern. I'm still alive but kicking less. Trying to keep my chin up. Family holiday to India cancelled, everyone's coming to London (errrr, not considered a holiday for me, duh! It's like you qualified for the Olympics and it's held in your hometown, or you're a Miss Universe contender and it's held in your hometown - so UNFAIR but maybe the home court bias helps) but anyway, taking it as well as I can one day at a time.
Even submitted my application for the Biennale de Venice art expo 2017 - theme - legs on fire - what else? xoxo
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Topic: UNICORN - Dr. Guichet Internal Femurs 8cm - Summer 2016 (Read 251957 times)