That's very helpful for future patients. Thank you
One more item on the list which I regret not having thought of,
IMODIUM Imodium prevents/decreases the frequency of diarrhea. As I mentioned before, because of all the drugs you're taking, you cannot control your body and you oscillate between constipation and diarrhea. Why am I always obsessing about bodily functions? Because it's important that you understand you will be in constant discomfort in addition to immobility, hypercondria and leg pains.
I've lost all appetite for food as I'm constantly tormented by my legs (and if my mind ever wonders, my damned legs won't hesitate to remind me of their stinging presence!).
So, every meal has been a 5-year old child's fantasy menu - black forest cake, fried chicken, pizza, ice cream, frosties, frankfurters, cheese toast... And for dinner, we've covered vietnamese, indian, thai, polish, chinese, moroccan, russian, tunisian, japanese, soul food, mexican, jamaican, greek, brazilian etc etc etc. I've reached Deliveroo platinum status of some kind - as just yesterday, the Moroccan restaurant forgot my muhallabieh (a tiny milk pudding) and upon calling them, a personal driver showed up with a fruit basket, a gift box of baklavas and more muhallabiehs than a lactose-intolerant one-legged muppet (moi
) can digest.
Obviously, all the crap I've eaten above have not been playing nice together, especially when you add the 20+ pills I swallow each day and unlimited muhallabiehs. Tummy began churning... experienced, I quickly butt crawled to the edge of my bed and hopped onto my walker; to find that one of the legs just literally gave out when a holding pin broke. I swayed for balance, and luckily, managed to propel myself backwards onto the bed unharmed. Amidst pangs of tummy agony, I sit patiently (beads of perspiration starting to form) trying to repair my walker; I had nothing else to get me to the bathroom. I couldn't fix it and it was way too dangerous for a one-legged muppet to hobble on a 3-legged frame.Come on, think think! I could get around the house by butt crawling everywhere, so there's hope yet. But how do I get up the WC? Focused, I rolled around and dragged each pillow from my bed (about 10 of them) and built a little pyramid step towards the floor. Slowly, I was able to use my arms and butt to slide down each pillowed step. Now I'm on the ground safely, yay! To freedom and mobility! You cannot take butt crawling for granted! It does get you places!
But how do I now climb up my especially taller than normal toilet seat (thanks to some genius muppet who bought a heightener for extra comfort)... I was getting more and more desperate as time was really running out... the last thing I wanted to be is a snail with a trail.
Then, I heard, "meow?" Is she a genius or what? I quickly F1 butt crawled to my kitchen, knocked down paper towels from the kitchen counter by throwing kitty toys at them (kinda like air bowling). It was raining glorious pristine paper towels on my head. I proceeded to layer tons of
clean paper on the kitty sandbox and tadaaaaaaaa!!! What an elegant solution
Ultra Catsan Clumping Super Absorbant Hygienic Litter is worth every penny spent. I even managed to cover up feline-style and am proud to say nobody would have guessed the handy work came from a two-legged mammal.
Well, except cat is no longer talking to me, something about violating the sanctity of something something (I'm not quite fluent in cat), and she's packing her bags as I write.
Anyway, I wanted to share this bloodless gory story because
it's not just about your legs. You will face a lot of completely unimaginable predicaments, and
SURVIVE you will!
Ps. Don't forget to buy Imodium now that I've bared my heart and soul to you!