MY BACKGROUND
I am a 23 year old Master's student from the USA. I stand 175 cm and weigh 165 pounds. I have a good amount of muscle. I am documenting my experience and being completely honest with myself and the LL community. I have reached out to different web forums for support. I sense that sometimes there is lack of transparency on these sort of forums and want to create a really honest diary. Some of you may think at 5'9 I should be okay or happy with it but everyone's definition of happiness is different. At 5'9 I do not think I am adversely affected all that much by society but I also do not gain the benefits of being over 6'0. I do not feel especially short around 5'11-6'2 people but inside I want to be in this range. 5'11 - 6'2 is the most common range for men that are featured in hollywood movies, modeling, and etc.
I was a short kid growing up, standing only 5'0 tall by the 8th grade. I reached 5'4 by the 9th grade and 5'6 by the 10th grade. I maxed out at 5'9 at 19 years old. My parents are short at 5'7 (peak dad) and 5'2 (peak mom). Thus, I reached my genetic potential.
My BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) began developing when I was in high school. I wore shoe lifts as early as the 10th grade. Although I noticed that people have different heights, I always felt like I was meant to be taller. I stood out in school and was top of my class. I enjoyed taking on leadership roles. Most of my friends were shorter than me. I did not think about my height to an extent that it affected my daily living. For the most part, I just noticed that there were times when I was dwarfed by other guys. I realized I did not like that feeling of feeling smaller than another guy. Especially if these guys were considered my rivals. I think I had a pretty big ego that I kept hidden and refused to admit. I always strived for the best and always wanted to feel good about myself.
Throughout college, my BDD started to deepen. I started thinking about my height more and more. I started researching extensively. So many conversations had been centered around height. I became literally obsessed with anything height related. I found Rob who is in charge of celebheights.com and would spend hours just looking through different celebrity heights and comparing myself. Johnny Depp is listed 5'9 on celebheights but my friend met him and she told me he was way shorter than me. LOL. She said he was about 5'7. Someone tell Rob he needs to change that. There are a lot of A-list celebs who are listed 5'9 such as Sylvester Stallone and Michael Statham. There were so many more guys who were taller than me in college. Moving to a big city, I realized just how small my world was where I came from. If I wanted to succeed and stand out in the world, I needed to be at my best but I felt like I did not have the physicality to climb the ranks. I literally thought about my height constantly towards the end of my senior year when I graduated at 21 years old. An experience I had in college that made me realized I was not all that tall was when I dated a 5'8" girl. I did not feel as masculine with her even though I was 205 pounds with lots of muscles and size. I lifted weights during college and got to a point where I was one of the top 5 strongest guys at the gym at any one time. I was putting up 3 plates on the bench and the first time I squat I just put on 315 pounds and did it like nothing. I saw guys struggling just doing 135 pounds. Thus, I had a lot of muscular potential. Additionally, I realized in college that I was not into petite girls. However, most of the girls I dated were 5'0 - 5'4. Thus, I felt like at 5'9" I was limited to shorter girls. Also, my family always praised my height at family events since most of my relatives are short. My tallest cousin is a weak 5'9" and we are both the tallest in our families and relatives that include first and second cousins. One of my cousins nephew grew to about 6'0 and he is 16 years old. When I played basketball with him, he completely dwarfed me even though I am a lot better and stronger.
I am well into my career and graduate studies at this point in my life. There is a girl in one of my class who is 6'3 BAREFOOT. Standing next to her in lifted shoes made me feel like a manlet. The only thing that I really want to change is my height. I do not have trouble with women and my looks are decent. I have had many girlfriends, dates, sexual experiences, and fun at parties. I am actually at a stage where I am trying to find a good woman to settle down with, but my height is a major thing that bothers me daily. I have been thinking about LL since early 2015. My first contact is Dr. Yasser from Egypt. After more research, I realize he is not the best option given my budget. Me next options are Dr. Sringari and Dr. Parihar. Although India is a cheap place to get LL, I realize that some experiences I read have been really gloomy and discouraging. Then I stumble upon Dr. Barinov. I read through some of the diaries of past patients and really like some of their experiences. Although not all of them achieve good results, Volgograd seems like a happier place than India. I do not like negativity and always strive to be around happy and enthusiastic people. Negativity really rubs me the wrong way and I hate feeling mad or angry. Also, I have confidence that Barinov has the right skills and knowledge. He is trained in LL. Dr. Sringari is a joint replacement surgeon. The guesthouse and physio is nice and all but I want my legs to be handled by someone with specific training in LL. Dr. Parihar is also a qualified doctor and KiloKahn has great results, but the hospital looks dilapidated. Also, finding living arrangements for myself would be difficult. Dr. Yasser is out of the question. I only make about 70k US dollars a year, this is middle-class. Middle-class in the US is from about 50k - 150k. Thus, I can not afford to do it here in the USA nor go above $30k. I have looked into Dr. Pili as another option. He looks competent and his pricing is on par with my budget. Although in the future, my earning potential is over $150k I do not want to wait 5-10 years since I will be too old. I want to enjoy being taller in my 20s.
My most compelling reasons for doing this is listed as follow:
1) My career aspiration involves management. Taller managers have it easier in terms of being perceived more seriously and deserving respect.
2) I like taller girls (5'4+).
3) I don't feel complacent being average. Half the time I get dwarfed. There are 15 or 16 year olds who are over 5'9" already. Even some girls are equivalent to me. For me, I always felt like I was meant to be taller.
4) A desire to be taller for sports like basketball. I doubt I will be able to regain my 100% abilities back with LON or LATN.
5) Having the physical height to command more attention at parties and similar events. I want to be noticeable in social settings.
6) Fear of shrinking in old age to 5'7 or less.
7) YOLO - You Only Live Once (An American thing)
MY GOAL(S)
1. Lengthen 8 cm to reach 183 cm (6'0")
2. Avoid ballerina legs
SCHEDULE
1. MAY 2016 - PREPARATIONS (GET VISA, GET FUNDING FIGURED OUT, MAKE CAREER AND ACADEMIC ARRANGEMENTS, FABRICATE A STORY TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY)
2. JUNE 2016 - SURGERY (I AM GOING TO GO WITH WHICHEVER METHOD DR. BARINOV THINKS IS BEST FOR ME SINCE I AM GIVING MYSELF 1 FULL YEAR)
3. JANUARY 2017 - LEAVE HOME BEING ABLE TO SOMEWHAT WALK WITH CRUTCHES
Author
Topic: My Journey With Dr. Barinov 2016 (Read 4744 times)