Well, today was Friday, and unlike most Fridays, I actually had plans today as one of my friends asked me to accompany him to an event in the city nearby - basically something happening outside with thousands of people around me and some quite tightly packed crowds. Even before going I was worried, because large crowds are always dangerous for me. Unwillingly, I will immediately compare myself to every single person and their height around me, which can bring me down easily if I get the feeling that I'm too short compared to many others around me. It's an automatic process which I have no control over, that immediately and unavoidably happens when I see other people.
But I still agreed to come, because I thought it could be nice and better than staying at home. And most of the evening actually went well. It wasn't very exciting, but I felt okay. I wore some boots which give me quite a bit of extra height and most of the time, was stretching my back as much as I could to appear in my "tallest form". And when I was standing I was often tiptoeing a little, or placing my foot on something nearby, because I did not want to feel small and short to others. And it was actually good enough, I felt very "average" compared to the lots of people around me. I even saw some men who were about my height, and some looked very "manly" and normal, and I thought nobody would mock these guys because of their height.
But a little later, I came across a mirror (I hate mirrors), and I saw myself next to my friend, who is probably about 185-188 cm, and the sight of that immediately devastated me. I had known he was taller for years, it was noting unusual, and before, when being next to him, I thought the difference was not abnormal, and he wasn't THAT taller. But when seeing that in the mirror, I looked so short, sad and miserable that they immediately all came back - the thoughts of "I will never look like a real average guy", "I will forever be stuck in this body", "I am too short for this world and everyone can see that", and so on and so forth. Such a little occasion was enough to completely devastate and break me. My friend even realized as he asked what was wrong with me.
So that was my evening, and it wasn't good. But there's still tomorrow, for me and all of you guys. Have a good one and stay strong.