LOL no you guys are right, I need to stop b*tching about it. I like to plan and live my life in stages. In other words, I like to complete projects, and then move on to the next thing. This is the first time I've had to put something so massive (that I really want) to the side, while still living my life. Especially because I'm afraid of having to choose between a future gf and the surgery (worried that she'd leave me for doing the surgery). So in some ways, it's kinda hard for me to entirely move on, hence when this is very frequently on my mind.
However - this doesn't impede my day to day life nearly as much as my posts might seem. This forum is sort of a "dumping ground" (for lack of a better term) for my height-related thoughts. I get dates absolutely no problem (though you wouldn't believe it from the my "online demeanor," which is understandable). I have been going to therapy regularly, and it's actually starting to help...a little bit. But I'm going to keep going.
Regardless, I'm somewhat of a perfectionist, and I want LL behind me. I don't want this to be an annoying mosquito that won't leave me alone until I do it. So that's why it seems that I'm "killing myself" over it. And you're right, at least for now, it is what it is.
I'll work on complaining less on here. Maybe I'll just drop off completely until I make a final decision on what I'm doing.