Hello friends,
I apologize for my very long absence, a lot has been happening since I had my nail surgery. Not to worry, though, all good things - for the most part.
Let’s begin with the nail surgery. It was successful and quick, I was awake for this one and got to see the doctors at work. It was a weird experience seeing my own blood on the scrubs of the surgeons and being able to see the back and forth movement as they hammered in the nail.
The doctors warned me before the surgery that because I still did have some muscles contractors (ballerina) that there was a possibility that inserting the nail could result in losing some height. I went through with the surgery anyways, and thank whoever needs to be thanked that I didn’t lose any height but it seems I may have gained half a cm or more.
For a several days after the surgery, I felt some pain in my right leg - and wasn’t able to fully extend it. What was strange about this, is that my right leg had been my good leg and didn’t have any ballerina. The doctors later explained that the bone canal in my right leg was narrower than in my left, and so it took longer for them to insert the nail in that leg and some of the surrounding tissue was bruised in the process. They assured me that it was nothing to worry about and that I would be fine in a few more days, and I was.
I had to stay in the hospital for ten days, they would inject antibiotics (to prevent any internal infection or the body rejecting the nail) through an IV, twice. Once in the morning and once at night. I ended up feeling really ill from all the anti-biotics and developed really painful mouth sores. It sucked, but two weeks after getting the nail I was ready to leave Russia and FINALLY go home.
My walking after the nail was much worse than it was before I got the nail. Before I had gotten the nail, I was walking really fast and could walk without crutches - but for a few weeks afterward, I was walking really slow and couldn’t walk very far without support. The nails are not meant to carry more than 50% of your body weight, and I had to be very careful about this because having the nails break or the screws come lose could be big trouble. Luckily, at that point, it had been months since I had last lengthened and my bones were in pretty good shape so I didn’t need to worry about it too much. An update before we go further, I’m walking fantastic now and can walk and stand quite a bit without crutches as long as I have shoes on and don’t need to go far or fast.
Okay, so now let’s talking about what happened when I got home - saw my family and friends and settled into life in my own country.
Seeing my family was, of course, wonderful and I was just so happy to be home. It amazed me how fast I adjusted back to life in a matter of days. It felt as if I had never left, and that my time in Russia was a million years away.
It was interesting to compare myself to my dad who was once my height, every time I see him it reminds me of why I needed to do this. When I stand beside him, I definitely feel much taller. Everyone seems much smaller to me now, and people that I once considered tall are completely average.
As for my friends.. the ones who knew me the best and saw me often without lifts were amazed. They all agree that I look much better and that I made the right decision in going. Seeing my ex-girlfriend who used to be the same height as me, was probably the most rewarding feeling.. having her look up at me and say wow as she hugged me made all of this so worth it.
I have to tell you guys that I honestly feel so much happier now… all my interactions with people are so much better and the attention I'm getting from girls is just unreal. I don’t feel uncomfortable around anyone or anywhere I go and that includes bars and clubs which I used to avoid with a burning passion.
For the first time in possibly.. ever in my life, I genuinely feel real comfort with myself. It’s such a beautiful feeling not to hate yourself for something you can’t control. I can finally focus on being who I want to be and doing what I want to do, without thinking about my height and how it gets in the way of who I want to be.
There are still a ton of people who haven’t noticed anything, actually most people that I have seen haven’t said anything - but I have a few theories. 1. I used to wear very heavy lifts, and most people never saw me without them. 2. People don’t notice height as much as we all think they do, and when they do, they forget about it pretty quickly after they get to know you for your other qualities. 3. If people have noticed, they haven’t said anything because I’m still on crutches and they’re often more focused on that.
The other day a girl who was 5’5 called me tall.. and it was such a good feeling. My best friend who I'm the same height as now and who I was MUCH smaller than before, couldn’t stop telling me how crazy it was to see me at this height. So for me, I would 100% say this entire experience with all of its crappy downs and hard times, was so worth it in the end.
As for what’s going on with me now physically. I still have some ballerina, and I went to see a physiotherapist that told me that my muscles were way too tight now for them to be able to do anything to help me and that I was likely going to have to do a surgery on my muscles to get it fixed.. that’s probably the only way I'll walk normally again, because right now I’m still using crutches to walk long distances and I need to have shoes on to be able to walk without crutches. I don’t feel any pain, but of course, it gets tiring to walk for very long distances or to stand for too long.
As for what I tell people about my crutches, I told them I got into a car accident while I was away.
For those that have been messaging me on here, I’m sorry for not responding. I really never go on this forum anymore as I never think about height anymore. I have spent a lot of time on this forum, before and during my procedure.. and I just don’t feel like I'm in the same place anymore to frequent it…
but bring on the questions while I'm here. and for those who haven’t been reading but are wondering, it’s been 1 year and two weeks since I did my first surgery and almost 2 months since I got the nail.