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[Stripes]

Apartment Lengthening VII
8 CM

Alone at night I often wonder if it was simply that I was naive or whether I just didn't do enough. I couldn't really have thought that this would simply fly by, could I? A friend of mine that by circumstance of wrong place at the wrong time reflected on his time in prison as we chatted online. "You know, when I was in there time felt still. Tomorrow felt like yesterday and yesterday was the same as today. But now that I look back, it was as if it never happened."

Like everything in life, this will eventually be a distant memory that I'll only remember through people, milestones and a few foggy days that stood out here and there. What was supposed to be a mere four months has stretched out to half a year of never ending ups and downs. One day you're walking down the hallway one crutch at a time relishing in the excitement of being closer to your way home and the next you're in bed wondering when if at all you'll ever recover. In short it's been the longest 7 months of my life.

It's been two months now since I've stopped lengthening. My goal had been to fix my ballerina in three weeks and continue on to the last couple of centimetres before hitting the home run. I could sit here and tell you that I've made no progress but that would just be me exaggerating as a reflection of how I feel. When I first stopped lengthening I was walking around like a crab, with my left leg so far extended out that there was enough room between my legs to crawl through. I had to walk this way because the ballerina was so high on my left foot that walking with both legs together meant that I would completely lose balance and tip over.

Now, I walk far better and the ballerina is much less extreme although it's still very present. Aside from all this, life has taken a few sudden turns in my personal life. When you're in a foreign country far from everything and everyone you know life back home still moves, and that can be rather confusing. Having to deal with these changes that occur in your absence can be tough but something is incredibly profound about this entire experience in that it allows you to see things with pace and acceptance. You have little choice, you're here and nothing will bring you there. Things are not the same, I no longer have the luxuries of a normal life. I haven't walked unassisted for nearly 7 months and I spend most of my days in a room alone. There is nothing to do but ponder and dream. In that i've matured in ways that I never expected and I look at myself and life much differently than I did before I came.

I must admit without hesitation that I have allowed myself to get caught up in my own thoughts and often the sheer excitement of having certain parts of me return. I got lost with the height neurosis as it came over me a couple of years ago but with the gain of 8 centimetres much of the toxicity of thought I had swam in disappeared. With that out of the way I started seeing a girl and spending more of my day in my dreams than on training. The part of me that was so anxious to return home faded and an acceptance of the process came over me instead. The fact that it's almost 32 degrees celsius everyday and that this city is surrounded by a river that hosts millions of mosquitos makes walking and stretching in the warm, sticky clinic much more of a chore than something critical. In a sense I've become okay with the time and the long waiting game.

A few days ago I woke up with a pain that I can't really put into words but I'll tell you that it wasn't something to laugh at. There was no ignoring this one, something was definitely wrong. I took three tablets of painkillers and dragged myself into the sweltering heat as I shook my hair in defence of a swarm of mosquitos. The entire cab ride to the clinic consisted of me pressing my head against the window as I breathed in sharply every 4 seconds to block out the pain. When I finally saw Dr. Barinov he pushed into one of my pins and I almost slapped the goatee off his chin. He dodged my hand and laughed to himself as he took off his rubber gloves "looks like you might have bone cutting" he says without any further explanation.

So that's where I am now in this journey, doesn't look like there's an end in sight anytime soon but at this point I've learned to accept it and allow myself to grow mentally instead of just physically but we'll see where it all goes.

[rjcpm8619]

This is Hanes. Be strong, lil nigga. It was a hard 11 months for me as well, but trust me, the feeling at the end is amazing.

[Stripes]

Reflection: The two worlds of short and tall
Written at 8 CM

The other night I was listening to a society and culture podcast called This American Life. On this particular episode the topic revolved around the way society perceives and talks about fat people and how it feels to live in a body that society considers shameful.

One of the guests was a woman named Elina Baker who had lost 110 pounds in a few months and she discussed at length her experience of transitioning into what others perceived to be a completely different person. One of the first observations she had was that people were much kinder to her and that she had to put in less effort to receive the same things she worked hard for when she was overweight.

She compared this to the idea that there existed two worlds, one where skinny people thrive and the other that only fat people lived in. The world fat people lived in was a world where walking down the street meant receiving judgemental looks, barely being able to hold meaningful or long conversations with strangers and being overlooked for job promotions, friendships and attention from the opposite sex.

Of course listening to this I couldn’t help but draw parallels between her transition and the one I’ve only started to experience myself. I wouldn’t go as far as to say that I completely understand how she feels because being obese and being short are definitely not the same. In fact for me I had lived a pretty privileged life in that I had dated beautiful girls, had many friends, held great jobs and essentially achieved everything that everyone else could. These things she only was able to experience after she became skinny but what’s similar is that certain aspects of life became much easier.

Recently I’ve been spending some time with a girl that I only met about a month ago. Now, this girl caught my eye when I first saw her but I was far too focused on getting through this process to really put in any time or effort to get to know her. At one point I spent a couple of nights working late in the fitness room and we struck up conversation. Within two days we were making out and cuddling until 6 in the morning.

What’s significant about this situation is that this girl is the same height as my starting height. In fact even when I look at her now, she still looks tall to me. So what comes to mind is, would things have moved so quickly if I was still short? Would I have even gotten with this girl if we had still been the same height?

I mentioned earlier that getting girls was never a problem but it was still something that I needed to work for. If anything I can’t recall a time where I didn’t need to put in enough work to prove myself. With this girl however, it literally took zero effort on my part other than to make a move.

When I compare this to the girl I was seeing when I first came to the clinic there’s a sharp contrast. That girl took weeks of effort to get to know and just as much time for her to warm up to me. Both girls are the same height but the difference is that I’m now 8 CM taller.

Of course there are so many aspects here that it’s impossible to tell whether or not being taller had anything to with it. It could just be that the first girl needed more time to get to know me and the second girl is just simply someone who likes to move quicker.

When I talk to my friend Max about this he seems unconvinced that height has everything to do with it. From his perspective she’s simply attracted to the things I still had before I gained a few centimetres. She had never seen me when I was shorter but in his eyes I still would have gotten with her regardless.

In fact he says that there is a certain charm that short guys carry that no longer exists when we become taller. In some ways I know what he’s talking about, there is something friendly and charming about being short. I used to always say in defence of my stature “it fits my personality, I wouldn’t be the same if I was taller” and there’s honestly some truth to that.

I haven’t had the opportunity to really go out and experience my new height just yet but there are some differences that I’ve definitely noticed. The first thing being that I don’t feel or act small when I’m around other people. What this means is that now that I’m taller than most girls and no longer eye level with most men’s shoulders, I don’t feel diminutive or vulnerable.

What this translates into is a far more relaxed and calm personality. I’m not filled with anxiety or the need to appear bigger than who I’m around or more masculine for the girl that’s in front of me. It seems that in a way I’m not working as hard to sell myself because I don’t feel like I need to make up for anything.

When it comes to other men I don’t notice any difference from anyone that’s taller but I do notice a certain discomfort from those who are now shorter than I am. It’s a really strange feeling to have another man actually look up at you, that’s something that I’ve never really been able to experience. I won’t sit here and tell you that it doesn’t make me feel good but it doesn’t necessarily make me feel more dominant either. I will say however that when you’re taller than other people, it feels more authoritative and people do respond differently to that.

I notice this the most with first impressions. When I was shorter I always felt that the first thing that people noticed about me was my height and that they were quick to overlook me or direct their attention to anyone that was taller. When I meet people now there’s a sense of mutual respect and that I hold a presence. I might not be the tallest person in the room but it makes a big difference when you’re no longer the shortest.

As for whether or not short people live in a different world than those who are not, well that’s difficult to say. It would be hard to deny that things are easier when you’re in the average range or taller but I have to assert that it really isn’t everything.  I accomplished a lot of things while I was short and even though I had to work a little harder at times, I can never say that being a smaller man stopped me from having a good life. Like Max has said, the height has just complimented what I had worked hard to achieve in other areas. Being short may feel as the source of all your problems, but that really is far from the truth. With that being said, there’s still a lot to discover as I’m not finished lengthening but the true test will come when I’ve recovered and returned home to my own society. Only then will I really grasp what difference being in this other "world" will be like and only then will I know the extent of which this was worth it.
----

If you're interested in the podcast: http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/589/tell-me-im-fat

Also Hanes, who's the patient that lengthened to 11 CM has joined this forum and commented above this post - for those who have inboxed me questions about how he's doing, you can direct your questions to him instead (please send those to him through personal message and not on this journal) As well for those that don't already know, Max is also on this forum as ecb1992, I get questions about him pretty often so forward those to him if they come up.

[The View]

What is your starting height?

[Cheez]

@Stripes: Awesome post. And exactly what I expect from this..

[CCMidwest]

Nice diary.

Really would like to know your starting height if you're willing to share. (or your new height, don't worry...I'm good at math.  )

[ecb1992]

@CCMidwest, @The View:

He was 166 before surgery. I will always and forever be taller than him before surgery 166.5    . Just wanted to through that out there before this post gets removed anyways 

But seriously if you guys have any questions just Stripes  directly through pm.

[Alu]

I've been following this diary just recently, didn't really feel like it before since I wasn't going to this doctor, but... Congrats on your gain. 174 CM is a great height already. Also happy you are satisfied with it and that you're using it well.

Congrats all around.

[Arch]

Hi Stripes,

Please update, I hope you are okay and you have reached your desired goals!

[Stripes]

Hello Forum,

Sorry for the very long absence, the forum can be a bit of a toxic place and I wanted to stay away for awhile.

Just to recap for those that have already read through my journal and don't want to go back - I had stopped lengthening in April at what I thought at the time was 8CM because of really bad ballerina and knee bending. The hope was that I would fix it and then continue to do 10 CM before getting the nail and going home.

I did end up fixing it, but it took me more than 4 months and by that point my bones had started to consolidate and I was no longer able to lengthen. I tried to convince Dr. Barinov to re-break the bone but he told me that it would be far too dangerous to attempt this late in the game for various reasons and that I would have to wait another year if I ever wanted to break the bone again.

Of course I was incredibly disappointed, but the truth is that I have no one else to blame but myself. I simply did not put in the work required to fix my ballerina, and I just waited for it to get better on its own.

The current update is that I was supposed to get the nail a month ago but I developed an infection because I began skipping my bandage changes.. the doctors will not operate until the infection has cleared for at least a month.. so I'm now hoping to get it in the next 2 weeks.

Another thing that happened is that I was told by Dr. Barinov that I did not gain 8 CM as originally thought, because the clinic where I get the x-rays taken zooms in 10% and therefore I am likely 173CM. It's not a bad height, but far less than what I had came for.. so I am pretty upset about it.

I'm going to take this time to give everyone who is planning on doing external tibias some advice.

1. Do not listen to anyone that tells you that this is going to be easy or that it was easier for them than they expected. My mistake was that Mercusio (my LL mentor who I met with before the surgery and gave me advice based on his experience with LATN external tibias with Dr. Barinov) made it seem like it was a lot easier than it was, and I fell into the trap of taking the seriousness of stretching and walking for granted. Do not make this mistake. If you are lengthening, you NEED to stretch EVERY single day and you need to stand up and walk EVERY SINGLE DAY (granted you are doing external tibias and the doctor allows weight bearing). I will say that for him, it was in fact much easier and he was just giving me advice based on his own experience.

In the beginning, I did not stretch and I did not use the foot holder as much as I should have. If you are expecting to be babysat at this clinic, go elsewhere because they absolutely will not hover over you if you are not doing what you need to do. There is no physiotherapist services offered at this clinic and it is nearly impossible to find a physiotherapist that is familiar with this procedure in Volgograd.. believe me I tried for months and no one was able to find one for me.

The problem with this clinic is that you are left to do pretty much everything on your own, it is just simply the russian mentality. The doctors and nurses are good and they are helpful when you ask for help, but they are not like Western doctors - they will not come to you and they will not baby you. You need to be proactive and you need to be disciplined on your own.

They will show you what exercises you need to do, but you must ask them questions as they will assume that you are aware of what needs to be done. The benefit of this clinic, is that there are many patients who are doing lengthening that have had the experience and will guide you.. unfortunately, when I arrived at the clinic - almost everyone had just began lengthening..

2. USE THE FOOT HOLDER WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING, AND FROM DAY ONE. This is probably the best advice I can give you. Your muscles do not want to be stressed and stretched because of the new bone length and they will resist the more you lengthen. You MUST push back against this resistance, and keep your muscles in the stretched position as long as you can everyday. It does not matter how uncomfortable it is to keep the foot holders on, they fking suck but if you want to lengthen without problems then you need to suck it up. I hated the foot holders and they were incredibly uncomfortable to sleep with, but my need to be comfortable and my laziness with the foot holders cost me lots of trouble, money and height.

3. Walk as much as you can, and do not lay in bed. The longer you remain inactive, the more difficult it becomes to walk. Push through the pain, and don't get discouraged because of how slow you're moving and how tired and bored you are of trying to walk down the hall. If you walk everyday for at least 2 hours minimum, you will recover much faster, walking will be much easier, you will feel less pain quicker and you will prevent ballerina much better. Walking is honestly, key and will get you to where you want to be. It only really sucks in the beginning and while you're lengthening, but it gets better really quickly if you keep at it.

4. This is not a vacation. You are not here to get girls, you are not here to experience Russia and you are not here to make friends. This is the best way to fk up. I got so caught up with girls while I was here, that I stopped paying attention to what I needed to do. I was trying to distract myself from things going on in my life, by trying to go out to restaurants, hang out with the correction girls and socialize with everyone else. It's okay to want to have these things, but focus on your daily goals and then when you have time reward yourself.. the correction girls have it really easy, they barely need to do anything other than walk and they're always bored so it's easy for them to want to distract you - don't get caught up in this, they don't mean any harm but they simply don't understand what you need to be doing.

5. Set goals and don't let a single day go by that you do not meet these goals. Track how much time you spent stretching and how much time you've spent walking.. you need to have a routine and you need to do this from day one, if you get lazy - everything can fall apart.

A lot of what I'm saying is pretty obvious and everyone reading it is probably thinking, they already know these things - but honestly planning for this surgery and then going through it are two completely different things. Anyone who read my journal from the beginning will know how much planning I did and how ready I was.. things fell apart pretty quickly.

Ballerina is no joke. It will happen to every single person that does limb lengthening, if they do not actively fight it. What we are doing is not natural, your muscles, nerves and tendons will resist the lengthening and if you want to achieve your goals then you need to do everything you can to prevent it. Once you get ballerina, it is really difficult to fix and it will set you back months if you don't fix it. IF YOU GET BALLERINA, STOP LENGTHENING AND FIX IT - THEN CONTINUE LENGTHENING. DO NOT TRY TO KEEP LENGTHENING AND THINK THAT YOU WILL SIMPLY FIX IT ONCE YOU'VE GOTTEN TO YOUR GOAL. This will not happen the way you think it will, it is FAR more difficult to fix ballerina than to prevent it. I should have been done this whole process in May of 2016... but I'm still here in October, not having achieved my goal and still waiting to go home because I thought that I could lengthen and then worry about my ballerina after.

I do want to point out that I am really young, much younger than most members on this forum.. and I've been the youngest person to come to this clinic within the last two years. I will say that I think a lot of the lack of real discipline and the carelessness probably had to do with my age... but for those who think that because they're still young that they won't have problems with flexibility.. trust me, you being young isn't going to make this a breeze for you.

I'm open to questions now, so you can post on this journal as you please.

[Stripes]

Before anyone asks, I'm beginning to walk without crutches (10 months post op) - i'm still not 100% flexible, but I anticipate that I'll be walking normally by March. Other patients recover much quicker, one of the other patients that started with me is walking completely without crutches and you can't tell that he had done a surgery, other than the fact that it's still a little difficult for him to get up and down the stairs quickly and that he still can't run.

[ibuse]

Thanks for checking in and being honest. You've achieved a really good height and should be very proud of yourself. I've only told two people about this procedure, and they just couldn't fathom that something like this was even possible. It does not sound like an easy task to do. My preparation stretching sucks enough as is (especially hamstrings--I'll never be able to touch my toes). I can't possibly imagine what you must be enduring.

1. Lodging Question
You're staying in a furnished apartment, right? Are the other patients your neighbors or are you pretty much alone? I still plan on going in June when my apartment's lease expires and I meet my savings goal. I was just wondering if I'll be going monk mode as soon as I move from the clinic. Does the apartment have a gym? It would be nice to have a place to do some 3am cycling or treadmilling when no one is around. 

2. Pre-op Tests Question
What exactly do they do for their pre-op tests before surgery? I wasn't sure how to specifically ask Irene about this. Do they just do a blood test and take an x-ray before they make the cut? What exactly are they looking for with their blood tests? Are they just trying to see if you have any diseases that would impact surgery, or is it for anesthesia purposes? And for the x-ray, do they just take an x-ray of your tibias to see where they are going to make a cut or do they do other parts of the body?

This sounds like a lot of paranoia, but I just don't want to quit my job, fly out there, and find out something that would prevent them from doing the surgery. Because that would really suck finding out after ditching your life and career. When I spoke with Irene, it sounds like the only thing that would prevent someone from getting surgery would be cardio-vascular problems, diabetes, and depression. 

[rock112]

Wow, thanks so much for writing this man. It'll go under-appreciated here because people just want to read 2-3 paragraphs of them flying through LL, but you've seemed to capture a good glimpse at the real struggle. I hope you have a full recovery.

[Stripes]

Thanks for checking in and being honest. You've achieved a really good height and should be very proud of yourself. I've only told two people about this procedure, and they just couldn't fathom that something like this was even possible. It does not sound like an easy task to do. My preparation stretching sucks enough as is (especially hamstrings--I'll never be able to touch my toes). I can't possibly imagine what you must be enduring.

1. Lodging Question
You're staying in a furnished apartment, right? Are the other patients your neighbors or are you pretty much alone? I still plan on going in June when my apartment's lease expires and I meet my savings goal. I was just wondering if I'll be going monk mode as soon as I move from the clinic. Does the apartment have a gym? It would be nice to have a place to do some 3am cycling or treadmilling when no one is around.

2. Pre-op Tests Question
What exactly do they do for their pre-op tests before surgery? I wasn't sure how to specifically ask Irene about this. Do they just do a blood test and take an x-ray before they make the cut? What exactly are they looking for with their blood tests? Are they just trying to see if you have any diseases that would impact surgery, or is it for anesthesia purposes? And for the x-ray, do they just take an x-ray of your tibias to see where they are going to make a cut or do they do other parts of the body?

This sounds like a lot of paranoia, but I just don't want to quit my job, fly out there, and find out something that would prevent them from doing the surgery. Because that would really suck finding out after ditching your life and career. When I spoke with Irene, it sounds like the only thing that would prevent someone from getting surgery would be cardio-vascular problems, diabetes, and depression.

1. Yes, I am living in a furnished apartment. I am currently living with another patient, but he will move out this week as he is going home. My personal experience was that I was so tired of how busy the clinic always was, that I really was happy when I was able to move into an apartment by myself.. but this quickly became lonely. I recommend that if you can partner up with someone in the clinic and move out together, or move into their place then do it... it makes this journey much easier and you guys will support one another.

As for the other part of your question, the apartments don't have amenities.. you're not going to find a gym or anything like that in any place that is reasonably affordable. The best thing to do is plan to go to the clinic everyday so that you can exercise there with the other patients, just make sure you never miss a day and lose your routine.

2. As for pre-op tests.. it's pretty simple. Just a blood test and an x-ray if you didn't come with one.. they measure your height of course and create a mock-up of what you will look like after with your recommended height.. I'm really not sure what the blood test is looking to filter out.. but I haven't heard of anyone not being able to do the surgery because of any previous health problems.. so if you don't have any major complications then you should be fine.. also of course don't go in talking about how this is your last hope and that if you don't achieve your goal then you're going to kill yourself. Just come in and have the consultation with Dr. Barinov, he will explain to you what he will do during the surgery, he will answer your questions, take a picture of your body for the mock-up and from there you will set a date for surgery.

For the x-ray, they just look at your tibias so they can determine if there will be any complications or things they need to work around.. where to cut and insert the nails etc. 

[Arch]

Hi Stripes,

First I'd like to say I'm very glad you are doing fine, that 2CM I'm not going to say it is a big deal, but you have to look at the bright side, you are doing currently fine, no big complications.
You have to realise going 10CM is also a overkill. Hopefully, you are happy about the whole incident ofcourse!

I've had a main question, could you sum up the total of your expenses?

Please keep us updated, I'd really like to hear when you are fully or near recovered!

Kind greetings,
Arch

[Stripes]

Arch,

I'm a little confused as to why you're asking about expenses as both ECB1992 and I have broken it down specifically for you in personal messages when you asked before... I will copy and paste what I sent you in the PM as a reminder...

Here is the breakdown of the expenses in Euros:

14 500 EUR - LL Surgery + 1 month accommodation
300 EUR - roundtrip plane tickets from Brussels to Volgograd
1000 EUR - +1 month accommodation in clinic (this can be negotiated to be much, much less)
4000 EUR - nail surgery (can not be negotiated)

An alternative to the accommodation in the clinic is living in an apartment. Here is the breakdown for the apartment expenses every month.

280 EUR - Rent, internet
66 EUR - Errand boy services (grocery delivery twice weekly)
53 EUR - Weekly cleaning service
78 EUR - Average monthly groceries (vegetables, meats, juice, eggs, sauces, snacks etc)
95 EUR - Chef services (comes 3 times a week cooks two days worth of food)
Total: 572 EUR a month.

My apartment expenses were much higher because of all the services I paid for.. if you share an apartment you can pay 184 EUR a month for rent.. and if you really are low on money and desperate enough you can even share a room at a hostel for 78 EUROS a month....

If you want to know how much I've spent total.. I've been here 10 months now so add up all those numbers above. I paid a lot more than the average patient, so don't use my total as a guide.. just add up what you think you'll need based on what arrangements you think you'll make.

[Arch]

Hi Stripes,

Forgive me for asking the same thing twice, I have thought things might changed due your absens but actually everyhing was going according to your plan!

Are satisfied with your LL in general?
Do you feel you will ever be back to 100%?

[Stripes]

I guess I am satisfied in that I don't have any problems and am recovering well... but I of course am not happy about not reaching my goal. I am planning on doing femurs in the next few years.. so I'm looking at the fact that I only did 7 CM as a blessing in disguise because it allows me to gain more height overall by doing femurs.

[Peaceout]

I guess I am satisfied in that I don't have any problems and am recovering well... but I of course am not happy about not reaching my goal. I am planning on doing femurs in the next few years.. so I'm looking at the fact that I only did 7 CM as a blessing in disguise because it allows me to gain more height overall by doing femurs.

Sorry if you have explained it before,what do you think about your proportions?Can you handle femurs too?What is your wingspan?

[Stripes]

I'll be fine, I will definitely be leggy though. I don't care about wingspan, sitting height - these things aren't as noticeable as everyone makes them out to be - unless you're less than 165.. only then do I think it becomes hard to do too much lengthening without it being obvious to everyone. I've been here almost a year, I've seen at least 12 limb lengthening patients at this point ranging from start heights of 156 cm to 180.. people on this forum completely overthink proportions.

[Bander72]

Your not gonna do external femurs right?

[Stripes]

No of course not haha, will save for internals..

[ibuse]

Awesome breakdown of expenses, thanks. I will definitely keep a note of that. Jesus Christ, everything is so cheap there. It makes me want to earn my cash in the states and just retire early in Russia. My current rent is 3x that. Personal chef, maid, and an errand boy? Wtf am I doing with my life? Haha.

[Stripes]

Awesome breakdown of expenses, thanks. I will definitely keep a note of that. Jesus Christ, everything is so cheap there. It makes me want to earn my cash in the states and just retire early in Russia. My current rent is 3x that. Personal chef, maid, and an errand boy? Wtf am I doing with my life? Haha.

Haha yes.. I often think the same. Honestly, if I could learn to be fluent in Russian then I would absolutely live here. The woman are just so beautiful and everything is just so cheap, people are friendly and although it's not as clean or modern as Europe or the western world.. you could live a very good life here.

[Stripes]

Going in to do the nail surgery now..

[midnightninja]

Going in to do the nail surgery now..

Did you get the nailed removed? best of luck, please keep us updated on life after the nail is removed!

[Arch]

Hi Stripes,


How has it been since the nail insertions?

Let us know!

[IwannaBeTaller]

I'm sorry, but I don't understand why the nail is put in months after the initial surgery...what is done with the initial surgery, other than breaking the bone, and why must months pass before the nail can go in?

[Arch]

Hi iWannaBeTaller,

I can't explain you everything, but the answer you are looking for is LON/LATN.

Search them up, you'll find it easy to understand my friend, may the force be with you.

[Stripes]

Hello friends,

I apologize for my very long absence, a lot has been happening since I had my nail surgery. Not to worry, though, all good things - for the most part.

Let’s begin with the nail surgery. It was successful and quick, I was awake for this one and got to see the doctors at work. It was a weird experience seeing my own blood on the scrubs of the surgeons and being able to see the back and forth movement as they hammered in the nail.

The doctors warned me before the surgery that because I still did have some muscles contractors (ballerina) that there was a possibility that inserting the nail could result in losing some height. I went through with the surgery anyways, and thank whoever needs to be thanked that I didn’t lose any height but it seems I may have gained half a cm or more.

For a several days after the surgery, I felt some pain in my right leg - and wasn’t able to fully extend it. What was strange about this, is that my right leg had been my good leg and didn’t have any ballerina. The doctors later explained that the bone canal in my right leg was narrower than in my left, and so it took longer for them to insert the nail in that leg and some of the surrounding tissue was bruised in the process. They assured me that it was nothing to worry about and that I would be fine in a few more days, and I was.

I had to stay in the hospital for ten days, they would inject antibiotics (to prevent any internal infection or the body rejecting the nail) through an IV, twice. Once in the morning and once at night. I ended up feeling really ill from all the anti-biotics and developed really painful mouth sores. It sucked, but two weeks after getting the nail I was ready to leave Russia and FINALLY go home.

My walking after the nail was much worse than it was before I got the nail. Before I had gotten the nail, I was walking really fast and could walk without crutches - but for a few weeks afterward, I was walking really slow and couldn’t walk very far without support. The nails are not meant to carry more than 50% of your body weight, and I had to be very careful about this because having the nails break or the screws come lose could be big trouble. Luckily, at that point, it had been months since I had last lengthened and my bones were in pretty good shape so I didn’t need to worry about it too much. An update before we go further, I’m walking fantastic now and can walk and stand quite a bit without crutches as long as I have shoes on and don’t need to go far or fast.

Okay, so now let’s talking about what happened when I got home - saw my family and friends and settled into life in my own country.

Seeing my family was, of course, wonderful and I was just so happy to be home. It amazed me how fast I adjusted back to life in a matter of days. It felt as if I had never left, and that my time in Russia was a million years away.

It was interesting to compare myself to my dad who was once my height, every time I see him it reminds me of why I needed to do this. When I stand beside him, I definitely feel much taller. Everyone seems much smaller to me now, and people that I once considered tall are completely average.

As for my friends.. the ones who knew me the best and saw me often without lifts were amazed. They all agree that I look much better and that I made the right decision in going. Seeing my ex-girlfriend who used to be the same height as me, was probably the most rewarding feeling.. having her look up at me and say wow as she hugged me made all of this so worth it.

I have to tell you guys that I honestly feel so much happier now… all my interactions with people are so much better and the attention I'm getting from girls is just unreal. I don’t feel uncomfortable around anyone or anywhere I go and that includes bars and clubs which I used to avoid with a burning passion.

For the first time in possibly.. ever in my life, I genuinely feel real comfort with myself. It’s such a beautiful feeling not to hate yourself for something you can’t control. I can finally focus on being who I want to be and doing what I want to do, without thinking about my height and how it gets in the way of who I want to be.

There are still a ton of people who haven’t noticed anything, actually most people that I have seen haven’t said anything - but I have a few theories. 1. I used to wear very heavy lifts, and most people never saw me without them. 2. People don’t notice height as much as we all think they do, and when they do, they forget about it pretty quickly after they get to know you for your other qualities. 3. If people have noticed, they haven’t said anything because I’m still on crutches and they’re often more focused on that.

The other day a girl who was 5’5 called me tall.. and it was such a good feeling. My best friend who I'm the same height as now and who I was MUCH smaller than before, couldn’t stop telling me how crazy it was to see me at this height. So for me, I would 100% say this entire experience with all of its crappy downs and hard times, was so worth it in the end.

As for what’s going on with me now physically. I still have some ballerina, and I went to see a physiotherapist that told me that my muscles were way too tight now for them to be able to do anything to help me and that I was likely going to have to do a surgery on my muscles to get it fixed.. that’s probably the only way I'll walk normally again, because right now I’m still using crutches to walk long distances and I need to have shoes on to be able to walk without crutches. I don’t feel any pain, but of course, it gets tiring to walk for very long distances or to stand for too long.

As for what I tell people about my crutches, I told them I got into a car accident while I was away.

For those that have been messaging me on here, I’m sorry for not responding. I really never go on this forum anymore as I never think about height anymore. I have spent a lot of time on this forum, before and during my procedure.. and I just don’t feel like I'm in the same place anymore to frequent it…

but bring on the questions while I'm here. and for those who haven’t been reading but are wondering, it’s been 1 year and two weeks since I did my first surgery and almost 2 months since I got the nail.

[fujitora]

Congrats man! I'm glad you're enjoying the new height.