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[leechlet]

Hi thank you guys for the kind replies

But the truth is this limb lengthening is so hard

Had I known how hard it was I don't think I would've came here

Dr. G pushes me way too hard. I just want to go home. I just want to wake up and realize that this is all just a bad dream. this lengthening is the hardest thing I've ever done in my life by far. Getting good grades or facing rejections are child's play compared to this. The truth is you gain confidence by Limb lengthening not because you're taller but because your face a real difficulty so much worse than being short. I am beginning to think that a lot of my problems before were Merely in my mind. I had the luxury to hate my height while not having to face any other real problems. The truth is I didn't have much real problems before and aside from a few rejections I've gotten pretty much everything I've always wanted

Now I can see that my parents alright. I guess that's life. You got to follow your heart and make mistakes from the heart by the heart and for the heart. That's the only way we can really grow. If I have to tell my six-year-old self all the wisdom that I've cumulated in the last decade and half surely that leechlet will not understand what I have to say

Limb lengthening is what I needed to realize what I had in life all along. I think that's what we all want at the end of the day. We just want to be happy with ourselves. I made a $96,000 all in that and lost for the most part. Let me tell you at the age of 22 that's a very humbling experience. I lost not in the sense that Limb lengthening isn't real but rather in the sense that my goals were not optimal. I let a few insignificant rejections distort what really matter to life

[Übermensch]

Hi leechlet,

I have been following your video diary for some time.
And by seeing the videos of the last days I feel obligated to give you some support.
I'm just a wanna be limblengthener, so I cannot imagine the pain you are going through o but i just want you to remember what some experienced guy said once here or in the old forum, it was something like: "the pain you feel right know will go away but every inch that o get will last till the rest of your life"!

Stay strong! 

[Moubgf]

You know what? we don't care, you seem to talk alot leechlet and i love you but please be a f*kin man and finish this. I would literally kill to be in your position right now and you are throwing it away for some pain. But i noticed you have that intellectual personality who is more analytical in their behaviour than actuall physical. So they cry like little bishes when it gets pushy.

[Claude]

Hi, i think what you are saying is the truth BUT what is also true is that NOW you have no choice, your best choice is to do your BEST, so STOP thinking and ACT.
Now that you have chosen to lengthen, just freaking DO IT.

[LLL]

It's good that you're making important realizations about what you didn't appreciate in your life. I think we all do that at some points, and especially when in really difficult situations like yours. Fear often does that. But it also makes you forget about your initial motivations a little because you're so far removed from the mental state you've been in before. In the end it's up to you to get taller, and while I'm sure it hurts way more than any rejection or how fixing all your mental self-confidence issues would, remember that there is a reason for your wish for more height that kind of goes beyond your psychology. Confident and mentally healthy people of all heights with no height neurosis succeed in life, but height discrimination is still a thing that's separate from any short person's attitude or subjective psychology. A life being taller is on average an easier life and it can make it easier to fulfill the rest of your dreams even though it's because of human nature's shallowness. Watch some of your old pre-LL videos for motivation! What I'm saying is, don't lose sight of the goal and don't give up unless you're REALLY forced to (complications, etc). Get some of your parents' money's worth, even if you end up lengthening less than you originally planned, either due to choice or your body refusing it. Even two inches is a good, normal and reasonable gain. Not to mention safe. This is your (most likely) once in a lifetime chance to get permanently taller, not many people get that opportunity, or even know that it's possible. If you should give up too early, maybe you'll regret that even more when you go back to your life. Even if you were to give up now, it would be quite a long road back to recovery, so keep on fighting and make this soon to be long gone part of your life count as the unique life-lasting investment it could turn out to be! This is your full time job now. There's a very good chance you're out of it and walking unaided and taller before the summer.

Do you accept Bitcoins? I'd like to buy you a pizza (you're in Italy after all) as a token of my appreciation for your videos and general effort but also because I sympathize, you deserve it. If they won't deliver to your door, your caretaker can ... well, take care of it, and fetch one for you. PM me if it sounds interesting.

[leechlet]

Hi guys,

Thanks for all the honest suggestions. You are absolutely right. I realized tonight that Dr Guichet was completely right. My fear was holding me back a lot. I was afraid of too many "what ifs". I wanted to stay in the hospital, specifically on the bed getting served because I was afraid of the uncertainty of living at home.

BUT... After I mustered the courage to get out of the hospital, everything from pain to fear decreased. For the first time, I was actually able to do all my exercises and my clicking for both legs were less than 10 min for 14 clicks total.

I guess Dr Guichet saw right through me. Wilbert told me that other patients often have heavy bruising on their legs as well as leg flexibility. However, my results were perfectly fine, no bruising or anything. I was just scared out of my mind. Furthermore, the nurses at the hospital who responded to my whining and crying and tantrums made me fell better temporarily, but also positively reinforced my weak psychological state.

After I got discharged from the hospital and realized that I could walk on my own with the walker, I was like "wtf, was this rlly what I was so scared of all this time?"

Now I am able to get up and sit down on my own and actually do the exercises without pretty much any pain. I am still amazed at how powerful my mind was. When I was at home and there wasn't a group of ppl babysitting me, I suddenly just shut the hell up for a minute and realized that I could actually do all that Dr Guichet said I could do.

Here are some vids to capture these progressive steps:









Okay, I am going to bed now. Will reply to more specific points tomorrow morning after clicking. But I am still amazed at how trapped I was in a psychological prison. I literally felt horrible pain and severe lack of mobility simply bc I thought I was suppose to be like that after two broken legs. Seriously, talk about placebo affect.

[leechlet]

Hi old forum PartyLeaks

Thanks for the pizza but it's okay! I have enough food in my apartment to survive a nuclear winter because I was afraid that my helper would flake on me. I can be pretty paranoid when I was stressed, as was evident in my previous posts. That's one of my signs under stress, but sometimes I can't pick up the tells in the moment.

Anyways, if you are in Italy and close to Milan, you are welcome to swing by sometimes for lunch or dinner. Dr Guichet suggested that I stop camping on Facebook all day and start going out to meet ppl. That's why he is inviting me to a fancy lunch next week. Ya, he's a pretty cool guy alright. But he's also right that when I experience pain, I just cry to the nurses and complain to my friends back home for temporary validation. That's why I missed my clicks. I was too busy trying to convince ppl who hard LLing was. Well, LLing is hard, but I think my paranoia blown it totally out of proportion. If you listen to my vids on 1/18/2014 I asked multiple times if I was going to die, and if anyone ever died from LLing. Whenever I stand up, I would hyperventilate and sweat and pass out. But today when I started to claim down because there was no body around to hear my complaints, I breathed slower and realized that I actually wasn't in that much pain at all. And that I could walk and click and do everything. The clicking actually doesn't hurt at all, and the screaming, sissy talk, and FB complaints that follow each clicking session is totally unnecessary and unproductive.

What a crazy weekend for me, huh? 

[Smallguy]

Get some of your parents' money's worth

I had a little chuckle reading this point How did you know it was his parent's money. I thought I read somewhere that he made $98,000 all by himself.

Leechlet... don't give up. You're fearful, that means you have a lot to live for and waiting for you. Make sure you achieve that 7-8cm you're looking for. Happiness and a potential date is waiting for you on the other side.

I'm following your diary carefully. As you can see, I'm putting Guichet as one of my LL femur option for later 2014.

[LLL]

I had a little chuckle reading this point How did you know it was his parent's money. I thought I read somewhere that he made $98,000 all by himself.

He's said many times that his parents paid for or at least helped him a lot financially to get this operation. Nothing wrong with that.

[LLL]

Hehe, nice catch with the fruit. They don't look like normal oranges, by the way. They're probably clementines.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clementine

[leechlet]

Thanks guys for all the support.

On a more practical note, I was wondering if any of you know how I can get cheap taxi or ride in Milan. I was looking forward to a guy who could drive me to and back the isokinetic center for 100 euros a month. But now, I am spending almost that much a day.

What is a cheap taxi company? How can I make a deal?

Thanks. This surgery may only end up costing around 70-75k if all my cost saving plans goes well. I rlly appreciate it. =D

[Doflamingo]

Are you planning to stay in Milan for the rest of your lengthening proces?

[leechlet]

No I want to leave as soon as possible. As soon as safe. And I mean really safe . So like two months or until I get to 7 cm

[leechlet]

Hey guys

exactly one week had past post op

i am at 1.67cm total gain stabilizing at 21 clicks a day plus the 1cm at the operation (150 clicks)

now, i am basically pain free. but rlly tired all the time. i have no trouble sleeping. in fact, i have trouble staying awake and doing exercises.

the biggest challenge for me is to get through the mountain of exercises dr guichet ordered. also, i am not eating much as i don't have much appetite. finally, walking on a walker is a bitc*. i literally call dr guichet every single day, sometimes multiple times a day, asking angrily if i can get a wheelchair. but i try to use logic bc i know he's a rational guy. each time, he insist NO. then, i just cry and complain to my helper wilbert

overall, despite a what i thought to be a hellish week, i am actually a lot better than a lot of other patients according to current LLers with guichet. i am basically fine now with minimal pain and problems. i am actually a bit surprised that it's only one week post op bc last week, i didn't think i would feel like this today.

my mood is all over the place. that is perhaps the biggest problem of all. i feel happy and sad and angry and depressed and moved... all within a very short period of time. sometimes, there's a trigger. but most of the time, there's no trigger at all.

i have never had a period since i am a guy,  but for u females out there, please let me know if it is similar to that phenomenon.

training is hard. i hate it. i want to skip training every single day, and even when i am there, i think of reasons why i am not able to perform or why i have to leave early. i feel like a teenager again. except i have literally zero mating urges. for the first time in a long time, i merely see women as bipedal apes with a distinct fat distribution, softer skin, and face caked with pigments like mandrill monkeys.

 i just want to be left alone to sleep, and to have someone bring me food and water and listen to why my life sucks. wilbert does all that so he is the best helper i could hope for.

but at the same time, i have an urge to help others and to save the world, again not unlike my teenage self.

i find is very hard to concentrate, and i want to change activities a lot. sometimes, i would get bored in the middle of clicking to watch some youtube videos, take a nap, and finish an hr later. i have zero discipline and i hate ppl tell me what to do. i want to rebel against the isokinetic center and to set free all the crippled ppl in there like freeing animals in a zoo. of course, that's ridiculous. but those r whats going on in my find.

 Smiley Grin Angry Huh? Lips Sealed Kiss Cry Lips Sealed mood swings everywhere....

[jerry]

Your mood swing is because of the drugs and isolation. Are you a outgoing person who can't be alone for too long?  Then you have to find people to talk to, even on the phone or skype.  How is your exercise routine like everyday?

[JP]

Glad to see you doing well:)

if you stay positve you will feel energized.

Will you talk about why you decided on the 13mm nail, Dr. Guichet

[Smallguy]

i am at 1.67cm total gain stabilizing at 21 clicks a day plus the 1cm at the operation (150 clicks)

1cm at operation! That's amazing. Do you know how long it would take to achieve the next 6-7cm? If you can get 7.5cm in one month and be back home in crutches/cane/unsupported working again, it would be a viable option for someone like me.

I also like the fact that Dr. Guichet seems very patient in answering your questions and picking up your phone calls daily. Stay positive!

[leechlet]

Hey!

Srry for the late reply. I just kinda forgotten about this forum for a while. In theory, u can get 5cm the first month and maybe 8 the second, but that's under ideal conditions, so ideal that I am not entirely sure if most ppl can hope for it. The thing is, when ur muscles tighten up, it's rlly up to ur body how much u can lengthen or how fast. Dr Guichet said that at the end, if I want to do 10cm, he will monitor the rate my muscle cells divide, probably at a rate of .5mm a day and lengthen at that rate. Basically, u probably can't do 7.5 cm unless u work for the chinese circus or something 

I didn't decide on the 13mm nail. Dr Guichet did. He just kinda decided over dinner and I was like, wait a minute... why? I forgot what he said, but it's suppose to be more weight bearing and allow for faster return to normal activities.

I am actually a loner and I can literally be on my own for a month at a time in college, just skipping class and grinding online poker. I think the mood swing is simply bc i am in pain and the medications probably have something to do with it too. It's completely scary and stressful.

My daily exercise is just full of stretches and biking, not unlike pre op preperation but this time MUCH more toned down. I will make a vid about my daily routine soon. 

As for taxi, i found a way to save money is to call the taxi and then IMMEDIATELY go wait outside. I was getting charged for waiting around, so when i got into the taxi i was already charged 10 euros. By not having the taxi wait for u, u can save 5-7 euros each trip, which adds up a lot. This is a useful hack I discovered 

[leechlet]

Hey guys!

Here is the footage of the surgery that Dr Guichet filmed. I helped him edit it, but I think it's interesting bc from his lenses, this surgery is just yet another one that went well without complications. It's very interesting how his camera tells a completely different side of the story. It's a story of excellent range of motion and good recovery. On my side, of course the story looks completely different. But here is his side:




Also, I am going to stop making vids for a while to concentrate on my training more. Here is the current mentality I am in:



When you guys watch my vids, keep in mind that I am merely trying to capture each moment of my journey as I travel through time and space. The reality of LL is somewhere in btwn all these vids, a mixture of many different things. Sure, it's a science, but it's also a story of ups and downs emotionally, of pain but also of triumph.

I have 150 more vids on my channel for LLing. For this reason, I cannot possibly post each and every one of them. But u can check out my daily vlogs on there.

[emanuel]

Wow, Dr Guichet is torturing you to make these leg moves directly after surgery just for the video.
I know how it feels after surgery, you just want to rest...

[Metanoia]

Hi Leechlet,

thank you for those great videos. You shouldn't be too harsh on yourself. All you need is to get a daily routine and stick to it. The days will then pass by very quickly.

Best wishes

Mime

[leechlet]

hi emanuel,

dr guichet definitely pushed pretty hard since day one. if you watch my vids, i was actually pretty pissed about it at first, and thought about quitting LLing altogether. but now, i feel much better and is recovering much faster than his other patients. i don't think Dr Guichet is a bad person bc we talked countless hrs about his personal life and etc. he's actually a pretty cool guy and always comes to visit me. i think he is very focused on results of science to a point of neglecting the feeling of his patients. he just goes off what the data says will make me heal faster, and sometimes it is not the easiest path. in fact, if i had it my way i would be in the hospital for one week getting served by nurses until i slowly felt like going home. but in hindsight, that would be rlly bad bc i'd lose a lot of time to lengthen and also lose lots of muscle mass

hi mime,

thanks for the comment! i am definitely starting the long grind now, waking up and being almost 100% commited to the recovery routine. but LLing is very tough emotionally. for example, i was feeling rlly happy and confident this morning, but then in the afternoon i got tired and depressed. i was actually depressed bc i was growing taller and i realize i'll never be the same "me" anymore. i know. crazy stuffs right? but that's LLing for u. the world inside my mind is completely insane almost like a teenager again. watching my legs get longer and skinnier have a certain "alien" feel to it. hard to describe

[leechlet]

Hey guys

I emailed Dr Guichet today and said I want to quit limb lengthening. My right leg where the femur meets the pelvic is sooo painful that I could only do 5 clicks rather than the 7 that i was supposed to do. I am scared that the nail site is fractured and I was tired and stressed and I just started crying and told my helper that I want to go back to America.

But then something slowly dawned on my as I was cycling to relieve my emotions. I realized that:
1. I hated my height TOO much for it to be any other way and...
2. Even in my hours of pain, i still love what I do.

Love is a weird word to describe it bc we typically think of it as a positive emotion. But i realized that even if I was to quit LLing right now, I will still come back. Sometimes... Somehow... I'll be back. I realized that LLing is not for everyone, but for me it is inevitable. I HAVE to be here, bc as strange as it sounds, of all the places on earth right now, I am supposed to be here bc in any other place on earth, I would feel empty and always wonder "what is it like to get LLing and be a bit taller?" and i will never rest until i find out that answer

I am human. LLing is hard. Given those two conditions, I have a very turbulent relationship with LLing. I thought about quitting so many times and cried so many times that if I was to make a vid every time I cried I would have like a gazillion vids on my channel by now. But love is the force that makes me keep coming back, even after I thought I had given it all I still want to give more.

I also learned of faith today. Faith is believing the dots will connect in the future when all reason eludes u. Bc sometimes in order to be successful, you must push through SOOO much pain that any reasonable person would've given up. In that sense, this world is rlly led by unreasonable men -- men who have gone through things where any rational person would've quit.

In order to do the impossible, I realize that I need love and faith. Love in what I do and faith that it will work out. These are not things that can be faked. These are things that I either have or do not. And each time some adversity hit me and I quit, but then I come back an hr later when I calm down, these emotions are strengthened. I will upload vids I made in these moments of emotion. But for now, i just want to share with you guys what a spiritual and emotinal journey this advanture had been thus far

[Moubgf]

leechlet the f**k is wrong with you. Stop crying  you acting like a little girl. Stop try to be so analytical about your feelings and just do it. IF you don't want to continue can i take your place?. Ask guichet if i can.








Watch this whole video. I fkin garantee you. That you will be hungry for life after that video.

[KiloKAHN]

How often are you able to meet with Dr Guichet for him to examine you just to make sure everything is okay and that there are no complications he needs to fix? Stay strong man. You've come this far. If you turn back now, it may be one of those things you ask yourself every time you feel your height has hindered you "What if I had stuck with it?"

We're rooting for you.

[Goodnews]

Slim_Tim,  I rarely chime in on the forum but your comments to Leechet were outrageous to me. Leechet is sharing the most personal, intimate emotions that people are rarely willing to share and you kicked him in the face. I doubt you have any idea how painful, stressful and frightening it is to lose ones ability to walk, function, daily pain and concerns about getting back to normal. I apologize to Leechet for your insensitive comments.

Leechet,

I love your diary, it's raw and real. Most people do not have the depth or self insights to share to this level or the willingness to reveal these inner fear, feelings to others. Thank you, it's appreciated by me at least. Take care of yourself, hand it there, do the work, time will pass and it will be worthwhile. Best of luck.

[LLL]

Slim_Tim,  I rarely chime in on the forum but your comments to Leechet were outrageous to me. Leechet is sharing the most personal, intimate emotions that people are rarely willing to share and you kicked him in the face. I doubt you have any idea how painful, stressful and frightening it is to lose ones ability to walk, function, daily pain and concerns about getting back to normal. I apologize to Leechet for your insensitive comments.

Leechet,

I love your diary, it's raw and real. Most people do not have the depth or self insights to share to this level or the willingness to reveal these inner fear, feelings to others. Thank you, it's appreciated by me at least. Take care of yourself, hand it there, do the work, time will pass and it will be worthwhile. Best of luck.

Bravo, indeed, I totally agree with you.

Slim_tim, learn and respect the fact that people can have wildly diverse personalities and ways of expressing themselves that may be completely different from your own. (Also for the record, David Icke is a total nutjob.)

[leechlet]

Hey, thanks guys. I talk to Guichet almost every day, more so in the beginning like multiple times a day but now theres not too much to talk about. Today was all about a minor complication. Basically, the nail in my right leg was stuck too far, very common and happens to almost everyone, and thus the clicking can be painful initially.

I completely understand where Slim_Tim is coming from. I remember before I did the surgery, I would read about diaries online passively while listening to music or watching a TV show while eating cereal and thinking to myself, "damn, i am a tough mudafka. how hard can this stuff be?" after all, i never cry, not even when my cat died. i am rlly calm and cool emotionally and i wonder if LL will break my calmness. that is, i wonder if i'll cry during LLing. nah, i decided. okay, maybe once. but that's it. no biggie. go to Milan. train. get nails inserted. grow taller. how hard can it be...

and so, just like that I came and trained hard and was super pumped and wired Guichet his money. come the operation day, i was like "FINALLY!!" bc i was bored. battlefield 4 was getting boring and i was honestly looking forward to some good ol hardship come the day of the surgery. finally something to ocupy my mind, i thought. damn right. about time...

what happened next was all caught on camera. needless to say, it was completely unlike ANYTHING i had expected. true, there are some that "breeze through" LL. but i have met MANY patients of Guichet, some ongoing and some to get their nails removed after a few years. and i have yet to meet one who did not say that LL wasn't the single hardest thing they've ever done in their life. maybe my sample size is too small. maybe this LL cruiser guy is elusive and hard to find. or perhaps he is a myth, written by those who only capture the best moments of their journey bc when they r down, they cannot even muster the motivation to type a diary. who know?

all i know is that for me, LL is one tough piece of   and i wasn't prepared for it. i prepared as hard as i could, to a point where Dr Guichet is allowing me to do 10cm. i read many diaries and even made my own. i spoke and skyped with all i could. i meditated on how tough it was. and yet... i was wrong. BIG time. so i cannot blame anyone for miscalculating the difficulty of this task. i myself was at fault of this blunder.

that's why i am making vids. perhaps with vids, ppl will better understand the reality of LL where mere words fail to capture. but even with vids, the true nature of LL will elude many. that's totally cool. that's how it was meant to be. we r humans after all. 

[mediocre]

Hey Leechlet, I like your attidue: Yeah, I have pain, but "what's the alternative?" Getting back to short stature society?

The glass is half full bro, and that light, there's always that light at the end.

[Moubgf]

I get you leechlet, I apologise for my former comment. I was just jealous and frustrated on your thoughts of quitting while even having the best doctor in the world doing it for you, while my ass is off to Dr.sarin to butcher my legs.


Can you explain the pain you are feeling in your legs with detail and what goes thru your mind at that moment about the pain. E.x 15:32 to 15:46 while just laying there in pain.

And are you not on painkillers to numb the pain away?. Or is the pain to powerfull?

[mediocre]

You look and more positive now leechlet on your latest video (watch?v=ngJ2p1AtEJc), way to go!