FINAL WEEK OF LENGTHENING: EXTREMELY BAD NEWS & TURNING IT INTO EXTREMELY GOOD NEWS:
After the tomography, I received the bad news. My right leg was at approximately 7 cm, whereas my left had stuck at approx. 6 cm. I currently have a discrepancy of about 1 cm between my legs. I didn't panic when I received the news, although my parents did, I guess. Initially, the doctors considered removing one of the screws from my left leg in a minimal surgery (which would require a one-day hospital stay only). I laughed, said fine, I love surgery, maybe I can get my ex to pity me (was kidding, obviously). Then added, no catheter right? No, they said, it wouldn't be necessary this time. Phew.
The thing is, what I face is a similar thing to what amatan faced, and we don't know if the nail on my left is still continuing to lengthen, or if the resistance has become too much for its mechanism. When you purchase two Fitbone nails for bilateral lengthening, the company sends four nails to the doctor. These extra two nails you don't pay for, and they're there in case anything goes wrong with the other two. Could we change the nail in my left leg? Yes. But we would have to send the x-rays to the company and convince them of the implanted nail's early failure. That's possible too. Yet there would be a risk of infection with an extra surgery. The nail in my left might still be working, too.
Was I expecting the bad news? I had a feeling about it. When I placed my legs together in bed my right knee seemed just a bit, slightly longer than my left, and when I lengthened my left leg I heard a POP! noise everytime from my bone, as if some force was resisting the nail - the same sound didn't come from the right leg.
Who is to blame? That's not my style - I don't like blaming people, and I prefer to blame myself first if it's really necessary. At this point of my life, I don't think it's necessary. Maybe I should've kept lengthening with 1,4 mm/day all the time. The doctors think I'm a very exceptional patient because, quote, "They haven't had a patient as informed, as psychologically driven, focused and with a positive attitude, and they haven't had a patient with my speed of recovery."
I bet they tell this to every patient. Lol.
Just kidding.. I believe it's absolutely true. I rock.
Okay, now the good news - why the hell am I so cheerful right now? Tramadol high? No, I haven't taken any pills for a while, not even for sleep. I'm cheerful because of our final decision: No more surgery. Stop lengthening right leg. Continue lengthening left leg for a week and let's see what happens. If it lengthens for a bit, then awesome. If not, it'll be a bit frustrating, but a 1 cm discrepancy doesn't stop someone from living a normal life, walking, running, etc. If I really want to, I'll correct it with tibiae lengthening in the future, but right now isn't the time to think about that. And the best news - I'll be on crutches in a few days! No more wheelchair. I'm only allowed to step on my right leg for a while because apparently the consolidation is sick enough. I thought I'd have to wait for 3 weeks or a month to be on crutches.. I was almost falling in depression due to a long period of immobility and some external (personal life) reasons, and BAM, the patient psychology is gone. The sunshine rays come through the window inside my room and life is calling me again.
I was at a point where I stopped caring about centimeters. I only wanted to walk again. Walk with the knowledge that life is too valuable to waste on changing yourself according to other people's perceptions. I feel more confident and dominant now. I feel as if I reached for myself and finally found myself. I don't care if I'm 171 cm or 172 cm, yeah that's still relatively short, but know what? I don't care anymore. I didn't want to be tall, I wanted to mend my broken soul. Thank God I did.
A new self respect and hard discipline has surrounded me. I feel like my passionate self 3 years ago in Michigan. I eat salad, protein, fruits and drink water, I've shed weight. My face is thinner. When I can walk properly again, I'll take up boxing once again. Boxing, weightlifting, cardio and dance, 8 days per week. I'll invent a new day necessary because 7 isn't enough. Why not? From now on, nothing is impossible. The dark cloud from my mind has gone, leaving its place to peaceful bliss and sunshine.
I'll go to an orthopedic shop today - they will make a plastic cover for my legs which I'll be able to wear under my trousers. The purpose of the plastic covers are to prevent unwanted movements in the leg while walking, avoiding unnecessary pressure.
Hopefully, walking videos will be coming soon!
Thank you for bearing with me during this journey. Best of luck to all past, current and future LL'ers.