Today is my birthday .. ah I feel am so so old
yet I'm so happy that I manged to live for quarter century
and so far I'm doing ok
at afternoon (1pm), one if of my pt dr she woke me up for pt, but surprisingly she remembered my BD and gifted me chocolate, mug, and ash tray ,which let me think seriously that I have to start smoking
That's really made my day.
anyway, I think I posted this before in some thread , about telling other about your LL.
5 days ago I told the guy that I/he plan to date, that I lied to him about the reason why I came to India, it was kinda moment of truth, well I really felt so bad keeping lying to him about that and me having accident here, so I told him that I may tell the reason one day . and he said he won't push for any info from me that I don't want to give .
so I have to admit that was a bit of relief, but like few days ago we argued about me wanting to have nose job ( I'm sure next year I'll have it but not in India sure), and he was going on how is this thing really fake and I should accept myself ..etc,at the end he told me to go ahead and do it if it's so important to me but he can't live with fake woman.
well from that I know , that there is noway this guy would be open about LL.
so 2 days ago he started to ask me about the reason why i came to India and telling me this been wreaking in his head.. he pushed really hard to know why... although he said he wouldn't do that ..sigh!!!
so I sent a link of my diary, I really hated that feeling , I didn't feel good nor relief , all I felt that I'm really so exposed , ashamed ?
I don't know what's the right word to use . and I was asking myself why should I worry to be righteous and tell about LL, if that's will give me nothing but a very horrible feeling ..! I should've hide it ! and there is no way he would come to know about it , he wasn't even know that I'm in india til I told him!!!!!!
anyway, he handled the situation very well and he told me that he didn't even know it was possible to surgically get taller , and that he "changed" his mind, and he will even support me if I wanted to have nose job ! ..
I really don't buy that ! few days ago he was feeling so strong about the cosmetic surgery . how anyone could change within 10min!!!!!!!!!!! how!!!!
people don't change , and if they're ,they would take ages to change a bit !!!!!!!!!!
yesterday , we talked again about that and he said he read more in my diary, and he think I'm strong,brave ..etc
well then he said he feels that he is hypocrite for giving out the other day about cosmetic surgery, because he always hated when ppl judge him and now he is doing the same, so he told me he change a lot ..
well i still cant believe it, and I told him that, there is no way someone could change from himself that easily. and even if they think they're , deep inside they would keep their original thought, so he may look down on me. he kept saying he is not , and there is no reason for him to keep talking to me if he still
today I've just was roiling his conversation in my head , to be honest the guy handle the situation very well, and showed a very mature reaction , and I like him A LOT , so I think I just should get over myself and believe what he said .. anyway ,, what did I expect from him to say when I told him about LL ? to say there is no more me and you . honestly I was expecting such a thing, to maybe act like drama queen and ohhh the world so cruel blah blah seriously I should get over myself !
after all I think telling someone about LL maybe not be that bad idea as I thought