So, I had my (2) second and (3) third steps towards almost certain CLL.
This journey is made harder due to lack of more money and also wishing for good preparation and trying to minimize risks, depression and suffering post CLL by going calmly towards it (I chose external only tibias, no nails, and it’s not money related).
I was in a second ''general'' orthopaedic surgeon with the Rx taken after the first one. In my European country ''nobody'' knows or does CLL but I heard about one that could consider it in severe cases of very low stature and obvious psychological suffering.
It wasn't time wasted: he saw I have ''genu varum'' which Ilizarov externals seem great to correct and just by doing that correction, besides giving me a better prognosis of the future in terms of articulation problems in my older age, would make me grow by about 1,5/2 cm, he said. He also simulated how much taller would make me ''happy'' and it was 7 cm! This is good and bad. Bad because it's slightly above the safety threshold agreed by many for tibias and because I'm really short, so 20% of tibias is less than that (you must be thinking I get happy easily...). But it's also good because it can liberate me from femurs’ lengthening which scare me more than tibias and I simply won't probably have money for that in the next years.
He also saw from the exams I did after the first consultation that have a very slight low bone density (where the value should be 1, I have 0,9). So, this is not unsurmountable but I will get more calcium now and more exercice also, to bring some more ''tension'' and physiological response to harden the bones.
The third step was to contact 3 psychologists online (free consultations just to ''explore'' the empathy, the approach, etc.). I’m in psychiatrist because of depression, the doctor says it's not up to him to decide for my CLL, just to rest assured that I'm not deciding that out of craziness. He told me I needed absolutely a psychologist whether I would do CLL or not. But he insisted that if doing CLL, it would be even more crucial because he doesn't know cases of CLL but it's an expert among other issues on body and self-image problems such as morbid obesity and he said all body and image transformations either good or bad, are very challenging for the patient and they all benefit from counselling.
I agreed to have clinical psychological help as part of the way to CLL, I want to have my mind clearer, get less depressed before, and have that support and contact during the possible suffering and anxiety journey before, immediately before and after surgery, all those months with those frightening, conspicuous, rings around my legs (I can't even yet sleep on my back yet).
So now I will choose one psychologist from whom I hope to get quick help for this hole I'm in with depression and height neurosis. The most probable one already told me she thinks, with all due respect and also repeating that she doesn't really know me yet, that I am completely disoriented and the first thing in my life has to be to accept me, even short, accept me as a complete human being. I think that despite years of introspection it's an interesting insight. I think I will take this ''uber'' to help take me through CLL if we get well in presential and online video consultation (by the way, she will be able and agrees that if I do CLL she will remain available to accept it and support me, online, from my country).
My last message today to all of guys, my buddies of this hard path, is to suggest you to think to have a psychologist, although I am perfectly aware that it won't almost surely cure height neurosis by itself.
But it wouldn't be the point to most of us, only to a minority (?) that is naturally afraid or don't have money at all unfortunately, or that are ''tall enough'' to get happy if something else happens in their lives.
Talking about preparation, I also updated a post about supplements because it seems we can benefit from very special supplements of collagen for recovery.
Take care.