Just wanted to vent out my disatisfactions and perhaps get some advice regarding the cost benefit analysis about getting LL from LL veterans here because I'm seriously considering getting LL.
I'm 5'3 M, 19 y/o from asia. While the avg height here isn't as high as western countries, but I'm still very well below average. The thing is that the fact that I'm this height and that I'll be at this height for the rest of my life, has just recently hit me really hard. Previously I was always focused on my studies and being in a school environment with younger peers it never really hit me that I was so much shorter than average. I compensated for my stature in other places such as being fit and doing well in my studies such that it never was so much an issue than a hindrance. Now that I've been conscripted in the army (mandatory 2 years), and being in an elite unit where everyone is really well built and of a big stature, it's worsened my height neurosis. It doesn't help that I only see fit and tall guys here while I'm literally the shortest person around, and stick out like a sore thumb. The literal emphasis on physical stature in the army really brought me to a new low where I even considered whether it was worth it to live on at my height and got really depressed and started having suicide ideation.
Recently, the conscious realisation of my height neurosis has also given me some revelations of some unconscious traits of my past self like why I disliked crowds, stopped playing sports at a competitive level and also a part of why I never felt enough to get into a serious r/s. This made me even more upset thinking about what I potentially missed out had I been taller.
Case is that I'm considering doing LL next year end after my army service term ends, and before I start my university studies. Because I'm currently indecisive whether to do so, I wanted to ask for opinions, especially of those veterans who mentioned how they regretted not doing so earlier in their life.
The for arguments include the benefits from LL. I believe would be most importantly the relief from height neurosis that I've consciously and unconsciously felt throughout my life, albeit how short my life has been compared to many veterans here. (Which is why I wanna ask if it'll be worth it in the long term, most folks I see my height are already in their later years and I just wonder if it gets better over the years, and this height neurosis is just a passing phase though i doubt it.) Added confidence and more self love are also things that would make LL worth it for me. If I did LL, admittedly it would be because I don't wanna just be seen / remembered as that short guy, but it would also be for myself knowing I did something I could to tackle this problem.
The costs of LL first and foremost would be the financial cost, which is a huge factor, but is not the deal breaker seeing I have the means to finance it in the long term. I'm physically active and fit, and I've always enjoyed physical activities, so the part regarding loss in athletic ability worries me. I still wanna be able to go for my night runs and long walks, though I think marathons or the like definitely out of the picture if I do get LL. I'm considering Dr Lee from korea as he seems to be the most reliable, and he's the only one I would have some peace of mind doing LL from. Also, I'm lucky to have my parents support me if I do decide on LL, but they wanna make sure I don't regret my decision through the journey or after that.
If I don't decide to do LL next year, it's unlikely I'll ever find a more suitable time to do it. Could any prospective LL-ers or veterans share their thoughts on my cost benefit analysis and give me advice? Either ways, thanks for reading through this whole post, since I find it really hard to share my worries and troubles regarding this neurosis because I've never felt I had the chance to let it out.
