Hi, I rarely post and I only come on here every now and then since I have 0 chances of saving up enough money to spend on LL, but I'm still curious/neurotic over my height. I'm pretty sure I have BDD since no matter what I'm doing through the day, my brain will somehow think about height. I feel like I'd be able to handle LL since I have a high pain tolerance, shorter femurs than tibia, but I have a shorter torso than legs resulting in a inseam around 47.5% so I don't even know if I'd be able to lengthen an amount worthwhile and avoid looking disproportionate. Anyone know/have dealt with BDD/curing themselves of obsessing over height? I know there's people out there with BDD that don't think they have it, but hey I'm not stupid I know I have a problem.
From here onward is more so a rant/story telling that I just want to spill since it might make me feel better. I'm 19, 174cm maybe 175cm in the morning, and stand the tallest throughout my family (at least to my generation. I have a younger brother who might grow taller than me which I actually wouldn't care, surprisingly but for some reason I still obsess over being taller). My parents are 173cm and 150cm, so I pretty much know I won't grow anymore. Even managed to get an xray on my knees to see if the growth plates closed, which they have. Even then I've still been trying to grow daily by doing "growing exercises" stretches, hanging, jumping, high kick/kicking, etc even though I know they haven't been working, it's rather a habit/lifestyle or since my wingspan went from 181 to 185 last year the fraction of hope there's a chance I'd grow and these would help. Logically thinking I have no reason to be upset about my height other than maybe "oh I can't be an model" but that lifestyle doesn't suit me anyways so again wouldn't make sense of me to care, especially with my friends all being of similar height (including online friends except one who is 6'4" and actually wishes he was shorter to maybe 6'1" and would give me those 3" if it was possible lol magic when?). But I think the obsession of my height stems from the teasing of my height from when I was younger. The teasing was by my friends (my type of friends are a close small group so it's more like 5 best friends) always bringing up my height talking about how I'm short and "how it'd be funny if I ever grew taller than currently tallest friend in the group" (btw I did; he's now the shortest of the group. I've talked with him before and he actually isn't affected at all/doesn't care and I really wish I didn't care. I think I'd be willing to be his height in return for not caring). Because I was young, and my friends were important to me (was also not doing well mentally with family issues already) I think I really just let what others said get to me. Also as a sport loving kid, it devastated me when my teacher told me I was too short to keep up with the opposing school teams in basket ball (which I disagree with since I never had a disadvantage in other sports/I was already on the team cause I played better than the other people who tried out so why me?). That made me quit sports and my mental health went downhill for a while from there. It became better through the end of highschool and here I am now, pretty ok with life other than my BDD. I can't help but wish i followed the "average person is equal or slightly shorter than wingspan" instead of having a wingspan be my ideal height & only feeling like I look proportionate with my boots on (brings me to about 177 maybe 178). I don't blame my friends since it's not their fault but sometimes I wonder if I'd be better mentally about my height if I wasn't teased for it (feel like it would've been inevitable though since I'm Asian and many people like to hop onto stereotypes)
I know there'll be replies like "you're not short dude 174 is fine", "you're too obsessed", etc. I already know, which is why I made the post cause I don't know what I want. Maybe I want sympathy but this is my selfishness so it doesn't deserve sympathy, i know being taller would make me happier but not at the expense of all my savings as well as the time lost/losing my athletic ability (dancer now so would pretty much negate being a dancer). If I was loaded at 19 I'd totally do the surgery with my current physique (flexible, big blood vessels so stretching I assume would recover easier, and high pain tolerance.). If you read this far I appreciate it, and I hope you have tips on dealing with BDD if youve been through something similar/know of those who have.
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Topic: I don't know what I want (Read 642 times)